Scales
by JavaJunkie14
Summary: CHAPTER TWO POSTED: "What do they call you?" Tetsuhiro asked softly. He could still feel the weight of the human's hand just above his heart. "Souichi." -Mermaid AU-
1. Chapter 1

**Introduction:** HELLO I MISSED YOU GUYS LIKE AIR! Ahem, anyway, this was a request that at first I was really wary about but I just got so into the idea of it and this story stuff came out.

Yes this is a Mermaid AU and yes I've been working on and off on this for like 6 months and still haven't finished it completely (becaaaaaause I'm sort of a slacker, and a college student but what's the difference really). As you can see it's rather long because this story will be in three parts and maybe an epilogue.

Give it a chance guys, I swear it's not as lame as I make it sound!

**Warnings: **Slight angst, minor character death (I didn't kill anyone I swear!), mentions of suicide, homophobia, and language. Rated **T** for this chapter, will go up to **M** in the future.

**Story Notes: **Our boys will be referring to each other by their first names which may seem weird to read at first but you'll get used to it, promise. Souichi is **12** at the beginning, Tetsuhiro is **10. **By the end, Souichi will be **20** and Tetsuhiro **18**.

This first chapter is from Tetsuhiro's perspective. Chapter two is from Souichi's and chapter three is both of them.

**Disclaimer:** Koisuru Boukun is the work of the amazing and talented Hinako Takanaga and definitely not mine.

HOWEVER, I'm quite proud of the storyline in this specific fanfic so the IDEA presented _is_ mine. Please don't steal.

The image used for the title cover is NOT MINE. I believe it is from the show H2O so all rights belong to them.

**Alright guys, read away. Remember to review my lovelies!**

**Javajunkie xxx**

* * *

Honey, you're a shipwreck

With your heart of stone

Can I get a witness?

To the bruises and the wasted tears

You could dry a river

With your heart of stone

-Iko, _Heart of Stone_

**Scales**

_June 2000_

"Father, do you not think him too young?" The boy, no older than fourteen, shrunk slightly under his father's severe gaze.

"Nonsense," the deep voice easily dismissed. "He's been along with his sister's many times and seen their techniques." With this, he bent at the waist so he could be level with his youngest. Noting the slight tremor that went through his son he pat him brusquely on the back and continued in a low tone. "The first breath you take will sting quite a bit and your vision slightly hazy but do not let it show. Children of men are known to be quite guarded when you first approach."

An easy target, they reassured him. A maiden had been spotted lying on her belly on a rock very close to the water. It was dusk and she was in a secluded spot. It didn't make him any less anxious.

The boy's father and brother slunk backwards into the inky water until he was left alone. This near to the shore the current was slightly more forceful and he felt his body drifting closer and closer. Glancing upwards into the blurred orange sky, he took a trembling gulp of water and pushed forward.

_Stay near the rocks_

His sister's voice crooned in the back of his mind. With two thrusts of his tail he was among the shallows. He used his arms to push upwards slightly so only his eyes were above the water. The cool air was a shock to the top of his head. When his vision cleared, it was immediately apparent that the maiden's hair was a fair blonde and shone in the setting sun.

_Be as quiet as possible_

His first breath was shaky and his unused lungs burned and rattled but it became infinitely easier as he emerged, head hidden behind a jagged rock.

_Do not reveal yourself right away_

He peeked around his hiding place, his heart stuttering at his goal. He had never been this close to a human before and was momentarily struck with awe. The human hadn't moved, her fingers hanging over the edge of the rock that held her and her fingertips touching the water's surface. He couldn't see her face for she was resting with her head turned to the side, her blonde hair cascading onto the rock, hiding her arm. He wondered for the first time if she was sleeping.

_Approach calmly_

He approached, yes, but the sight of her did nothing to quell his nerves. It was so much more real now than when he would tag along with his sisters. He couldn't just wait silently in the shadows as the screams of their victims became frantic gurgles as they pulled them to their deaths. They always returned to him with such glee that although the screams made him cover his ears and feel hollow, he thought it would be easy when it became his turn.

But as he was gathering the courage to move to a rock nearer to the shore, his naivety of the surface became all too apparent. His tail had arched on its own and twitched behind him making for a rather audible splash in the stillness of the evening.

Three things then happened simultaneously. The human's head whipped around in alarm. He let out a squawk of surprise that only confirmed his presence. And not knowing what else to do, ducked his head back under water.

_Do not shy away_

But the advice was drowned out by his heart beating wildly in his ears. Even from the briefest of glimpses, this was no maiden he was dealing with.

The water muddled any sound he could hear but casting his eyes up he now saw the blurred figure of the human hovering over the water, upright and alert, and seemingly trying to communicate if the noises were anything to go by.

_Do not be afraid, they are more taken with you than you are with them_

But lifting his gaze from the water, blinking away the blur, he couldn't disagree more. Because although the human was obviously male, his features were soft and striking and sublime. He was blinking wildly and his lips were parted in disbelief.

When he rose slightly higher so that his nose and lips were exposed to the chill of the air, the human remembered himself and tensed, flinching backwards.

"Who are you?" He demanded, wiping the back of his hand across his cheeks.

The face in the water tilted to the side in confusion, the noise unfamiliar to his ears.

"Well?" The human challenged loudly. He choked on his own question a moment later as the boy waded forward, placed both hands on the rock just before his feet, and hoisted himself up.

He stumbled backwards as the boy hung in front of him, his arms supporting his upper body and dark blue _tail_. "You're a…"

It was odd. The human didn't look frightened or spellbound as his sister's had assured him. He looked intrigued and stunned. The merman could easily return the sentiment as he watched the legs before him. _How remarkable_, he mused, as they bent and straightened.

_No child of man can resist a siren's song_

This was the time to reel the human in completely with his song but the tune seemed stuck in his throat. How did his sister's get over the powerful guilt that seemed to be welling up in his belly? Even the ultimate disappointment of his father and kin could not make the melody rise.

"Tetsuhiro." The merman replied instead, the word feeling foreign on his tongue.

The human winced at the noise and Tetsuhiro suddenly felt self-conscious at his reaction. Did he not like his voice? His name? It made him dip down from his pose into the safety of the water.

"What?" The human inquired but this time he sounded cautiously interested. Tetsuhiro gulped down another breath, slightly more confident.

"Tetsuhiro." He repeated, louder this time, pride filling him as the human gave a nod, like he understood.

"That's your name?" Tetsuhiro ducked his head in confirmation, giddiness making his mind light. He was interacting with a human. A human with long hair like his own and fairness he hadn't associated with those above water.

"Is…are you…real?" The human asked slowly with a hand to his forehead. Tetsuhiro tilted his head to the side in confusion and the other boy flushed with embarrassment.

"Mermaids aren't exactly…common."

Tetsuhiro nodded in understanding and then back peddled slightly.

"Merman." He corrected and was delighted when the human visibly rolled his eyes and his shoulders slumped into a more relaxed pose.

"Right."

There was a brief moment of silence in which they surveyed the other. Tetsuhiro had never had anyone look so intently at his tail and he could feel the beginnings of a blush.

"Are you well?" Tetsuhiro asked softly. The human seemed to startle out of his thoughts and furrowed his eyebrows.

"What?"

Tetsuhiro locked their gazes noting the deep amber in the setting sun. "Your eyes were leaking."

It was the wrong thing to say. The human sprung up from his sitting position and crossed his arms defensively.

"Shut up, I wasn't crying." He grumbled, averting his now guarded gaze. Tetsuhiro frowned and could feel a slight panic well up inside. He didn't want this human to be angry with him.

He blinked, puzzled. "Crying?" He had never heard the word before.

The human seemed to momentarily forget his anger and raised an eyebrow, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"It's where water," he began, glancing at the merman in the water. He shook his head quickly and clenched his eyes shut as if in pain, "I have to be dreaming or hallucinating or..."

Tetsuhiro continued, careful to be gentle. "Why were you…crying?"

Although proud that his use of the new word was in the correct context, the human was angered again.

"None of your business." He snapped. The human glanced backwards and to the sides as if searching for someone. "What are you doing here anyway?" He asked gruffly.

Tetsuhiro opened his mouth and shut it abruptly. "I…" he began but just as the song had died on his lips, the words seemed to be wedged in his throat.

_I was sent to drown you_

_I'm here to murder you_

"I find humans to be very curious." Tetsuhiro settled on, though the words had to punch themselves out of his mouth. His tongue felt gravelly with the lie.

The human didn't seem suspicious and simply scoffed. "Well, right back at you," he murmured, coloring Tetsuhiro's cheeks again. This human found him curious.

The wind picked up and Tetsuhiro shivered now that the sun had slipped down. He watched, fascinated as his blonde hair whipped around his face, much as his own did. But this was not languid or slowed because of the water, it was fast and unforgiving. The human's forehead wrinkled in annoyance before gathering his hair up and pulling a bright red band from his wrist with his teeth.

"What use is that?" Tetsuhiro asked, awestruck when the human's deft fingers managed to work the band around his hair and it stayed.

"To keep my hair away from my face." The human said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He began glancing around again and shuffled his legs.

"I think I should go. My dad is probably worried." He looked around awkwardly for a few moments like he was hesitating and waved slightly to Tetsuhiro.

Tetsuhiro felt a tug in his chest. If this was to be the only interaction with a human he didn't want it to end like this. Not when the human still seemed upset and Tetsuhiro had a thousand unanswered questions.

"Wait!" He called, splashing the water in front of him for added noise. The boy turned around quickly, almost as if he had been expecting something of the sort.

"What?"

"What is it like?" Tetsuhiro blurted out and mentally slapped himself. Very smooth.

The human shifted his eyes, trying to decipher what he was saying. "What is what like?"

Tetsuhiro stared pointedly at his legs, gesturing with one hand. The human glanced down.

"Wha-standing?" He ventured. Tetsuhiro nodded enthusiastically. The human shifted his weight from foot to foot and shrugged. "It's alright I guess."

Tetsuhiro pretended not to be too disappointed in his answer.

"Will you…I mean…" The human started, stumbling over the words. He looked frustrated with himself. Before Tetsuhiro could question him further, the human reached up and released his blonde hair from its grip. He mimicked a throw before tossing the object to Tetsuhiro who caught it midair. "Here. Since it's so fascinating."

Tetsuhiro stared at his prize with awe, the redness a startling contrast to his pale skin.

"Thank you," he breathed, smiling widely up at the boy. The human shrugged and looked away uncomfortably.

But his grin soon faded and his eyes widened as a deep, familiar melody rose up from the water and filled his ears.

"What's wrong?" The human asked at the sudden change. Tetsuhiro dropped his gaze to the water.

"My…family is calling for me," he murmured unhappily. The human nodded, like he understood, before turning once again and leaving. Tetsuhiro did not stop him this time.

* * *

His father was the first to approach, his usual commanding posture slipping to one of anxiousness.

"Is the deed complete?" He asked hastily while clasping his hands over Tetsuhiro's smaller ones. Tetsuhiro glanced from his father to his brother before swallowing thickly.

"Yes, father." He said as confidently as possible. Out of the corner of his eye he could see his brother narrow his gaze. His father nodded, grinning and puffing out his chest with pride.

"Ten years old, just like your father," his deep voice boomed, wheeling his son around to face the Merfolk gathered. Tetsuhiro suppressed a wince at the unmasked pride that went with that sentiment. He hadn't really done anything after all.

A hand gripped his bicep and thrust his arm up roughly, confirming the boy's task complete. Among the languid, ghostly cries of the Merfolk surrounding them, bowing in respect and pride at their young charge, Tetsuhiro couldn't help but realize with a sharp pang he did not even know the human's name.

* * *

He told Hiroto, naturally. Hiroto's eyes grew large in disbelief at the end of his tale.

"He didn't try to spear you?"

Tetsuhiro shook his head fervently, arranging a crown of kelp on Hiroto's head.

"How bizarre. And he wasn't lured in by your song?" Hiroto asked in amazement. Tetsuhiro ducked his head, smiling timidly. Hiroto watched his friend and made a small 'o' with his lips when it dawned on him.

"You didn't sing it." He stated and blinked dazedly. "Why?"

Tetsuhiro gingerly pulled at the red band still circling his wrist.

"I didn't want him to die."

* * *

As unsatisfied with so little information of the human world as he was, Hiroto helped him sneak past his father's watchful eye.

The quiet excitement he had been containing was slowly slipping towards the surface of his skin making it difficult to concentrate. When Hiroto had disappeared from view, he allowed himself to grin before pumping his tail as fast as possible and jerking up and out of the water.

His body thrummed with delight as the heat of the sun immediately encased his body. But he quickly remembered himself as he fell back to earth. _His_ human may not have tried to kill him but he knew why they had to stay hidden. Not all mankind was as forgiving.

It was a few hours later, his upper body stretched out on the rock from the night before, the water completely gone from his chest, when Tetsuhiro began to grow doubtful.

It was a few more that his stomach began to rumble for attention. What if this was in vain? Perhaps his human had come in the early morning and left. Or maybe he had gone completely; humans tended to travel great distances regularly after all.

Tetsuhiro frowned up at the sun that was baking his pale skin.

What if Tetsuhiro just wasn't interesting enough for the human to come back?

"So you are real."

Tetsuhiro yelped, his entire body flinching and the weight of his tail slipping him back down into the water. Heart beating fiercely in his chest, he shakily lifted himself up by his hands until his nose was just over the rock's edge.

The human wore a bemused smirk, hands confined in the material on his legs. Even with the sun hidden behind a few wispy clouds, his blonde hair still shone about his head.

"Scared?" He snorted. Tetsuhiro felt a flush wind up his neck.

"No." He said as petulantly as he could manage, though his heart refused to slow.

The human didn't look as if he believed him. After a few moments' hesitation evident in both his face and the shifting of his legs, the human approached the edge of the rock. Tetsuhiro couldn't help watching his legs and how much work they did seemingly on their own. When the human was crouched near him, hands clasped tightly in front of him, Tetsuhiro lifted his gaze.

"How old are you?" The human asked promptly.

"I am ten years. How many are you?" Tetsuhiro could still feel his tongue protest at the words. The boy nodded thoughtfully at his answer.

"Twelve. You know you talk kind of funny." He said, clearly amused. Tetsuhiro willed himself not to blush and straightened his back defensively.

"I do not have much experience with your language."

Brown eyes darted to his, sparked with interest, and Tetsuhiro found it difficult to look away.

"What do you normally speak?"

Tetsuhiro closed his eyes and concentrated. He envisioned speaking with Hiroto and opened his mouth but only a few clicks of his tongue were audible. When he opened them again, the human seemed to be just as puzzled.

Tetsuhiro did a half-hearted shrug. "It doesn't appear to work above water."

"My dad would love to meet you. He's a marine biologist." The human said abruptly, pride evident in his voice. "It's a person who studies fish and the ocean." He expanded at Tetsuhiro's blank expression.

Tetsuhiro wrinkled his nose. "I'm not a fish."

The boy peered over the edge of the rock and pointed with his finger.

"You have a tail!" He exclaimed. Tetsuhiro wiggled it shyly beneath him.

"It does not mean I'm a fish. Fish are cold and I am not."

The human raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. "Even in the water?"

Tetsuhiro hesitated for a split second before heaving his upper body up from the water. Leaning on one arm, he gripped the human's wrist in his fingers and brought it close, laying it flat on his chest. The boy's eyes widened as the space between them narrowed considerably, his gaze settling on the palm that rested against Tetsuhiro's skin.

"That's…weird." The human muttered before slowly pulling his arm away.

Tetsuhiro wondered if he had overstepped his boundaries and made the boy uncomfortable. He searched his mind for something to distract him with.

"What do they call you?" Tetsuhiro asked softly. He could still feel the weight of the human's hand just above his heart.

"Souichi."

* * *

Three days went by and Souichi hadn't returned.

It upset Tetsuhiro that he couldn't even be rightfully disappointed. After all, they hadn't promised each other they would meet again.

It was nearing sunset on the fourth day when Tetsuhiro decided he had had enough. He was slinking his tail back into the water when a shadow blocked the setting sun and he turned in surprise.

Out of breath and red in the face, Souichi stood partly doubled over, his long hair hanging like a curtain in front of him. He held up a hand like he couldn't speak just yet and Tetsuhiro watched patiently as his chest heaved up and down.

Tetsuhiro was grinning so widely that his cheeks began to ache. He hastily placed both his hands on the rock, ready to pull himself up, when the weight of Souichi's palm on his shoulder held him still.

"No just…sorry that I haven't…you know," Souichi said breathily while gesturing around them. Tetsuhiro nodded and though the hand on his shoulder felt steadying and warm, he didn't think it was meant as an affectionate gesture. Sure enough, Souichi pushed him down so he was level with the water once again and removed his hand.

"I just wanted to tell you that…we don't live here. We come here for vacation sometimes in the summer but we don't…" Souichi stopped and raised the hand he had placed on Tetsuhiro to the back of his neck and rubbed it in an awkward gesture. Tetsuhiro felt his stomach sink at the words.

"You are leaving." He stated blankly, dropping his eyes to hide his disappointment. He saw Souichi's shadow nod.

"I wanted to tell you sooner but we had a lot of…stuff going on."

"It's alright." Tetsuhiro assured him though the lie felt bitter on his tongue.

Souichi nodded, huffed out a breath, and shifted on his feet. "Well, see you next summer." He said quietly.

"Yes." Tetsuhiro whispered to himself. Souichi had already disappeared from view.

* * *

But next summer came and went, as well as the summer after that. Tetsuhiro turned thirteen on a scorching day in July.

Souichi would be fifteen this year, he thought, mentally calculating the difference. A small celebration of his kin continued around him but he paid it little mind. The red band was still wound faithfully around his wrist and he tugged at it, comforted by its pull.

Hiroto cornered him a short time later when the space around them had quieted.

"Please tell me you aren't going to waste your summer waiting for him again." His best friend pleaded.

Tetsuhiro smiled sadly and swore he would stay far away from the shoreline for good.

He had been intending to keep his promise. Truly.

It was on a hunt with his father, swimming lazily on his back so he could watch the ripples the waves created on the surface when he spotted it. A ring. Just above him.

When his father was suitably occupied elsewhere, Tetsuhiro reached up to tug it down and almost choked at the familiar feeling under his fingers. The color, the similarity, the texture, it couldn't be a coincidence.

Even the disapproving glares Hiroto aimed his way over the coming weeks couldn't stop him from slipping away the following day and breathing in air for the first time in almost three years.

* * *

_July 2003_

Tetsuhiro had been quite pleased of his lengthened tail and the deeper shade of blue it had acquired, but this paled in comparison to what Souichi's body had gone through.

The same amount of time had managed to rid him of the childlike softness of his face and instead refined it chiefly around his cheekbones. If possible his hair had become lighter in color, reaching down his back in a loose ponytail. And if his already looming figure wasn't enough, he had gained at least half a foot in height.

He looked so _different_ and yet he didn't at the same time.

His eyes were what Tetsuhiro remembered best and he was delighted to find that they were still that shade of brown he couldn't quite describe, that they still thrummed with passion and heartache and smugness and a million other conflicting emotions.

"You got it then?" Souichi asked suddenly, his voice lower and more gravelly then Tetsuhiro remembered.

It took a few moments to register what he had said. Tetsuhiro lifted his arm from the water in answer, revealing the two red bands that wrapped his wrist. He thought he saw Souichi's eyes widen slightly but it may have been because he had been staring so intently at them.

"Did you become a mute while I was away?" Souichi said after a few moments of silence. Tetsuhiro shook his head a little too forcefully and dropped his arm again. Souichi frowned, and dropped to the ground so quickly it startled the boy in the water. After rearranging his legs underneath him, Souichi ran a hand through his hair like he was frustrated and stared at a spot behind Tetsuhiro's head.

"Are you mad or something? I mean it wasn't like it was my fault that we didn't come back here. It was my dad. He thought it would be too hard or whatever. I didn't-"

Tetsuhiro bit his lip and poked him in the leg with a dampened finger effectively stopping his rant.

"I'm not mad." He said plainly, Souichi's gaze dropping to his leg. "I was just disappointed for awhile. But thank you for explaining what happened to me." Tetsuhiro finished with a smile that had been trying to escape since he had spotted Souichi.

Souichi looked away, flushing with what Tetsuhiro assumed was embarrassment and coughed. "Good. Fine."

They ended up sitting shoulder to shoulder, Tetsuhiro's fins submerged underwater as well as Souichi's feet. He wasn't sure about Souichi but just feeling his presence beside him had him pulsing with excitement. His hands shook as he rearranged his wet hair so it rested to one side.

"Tell me about your family." Souichi asked suddenly, Tetsuhiro's mouth curving up into a small smile. He liked that Souichi seemed to have no filter and that he asked questions and fully expected an answer. He peeked at Souichi's eyes, noting the height difference much more so now that they sat next to each other, and saw them glint as they stared into the ocean. He liked many things about the human.

"I have an older brother, Kunihiro. He's in his sixteenth year. Then there's my mother and father and five sisters."

Souichi choked on thin air. Tetsuhiro decided he quite liked it when he took him by surprise.

"_Five_ sisters?" He echoed.

Tetsuhiro nodded. "Yes. My father he…he had another family before he met my mother. His previous wife couldn't produce a boy so…" His voice trailed off and he squirmed a little in his seat. He had never had to explain his past or family to anyone because they already simply knew. It sounded horrible aloud. "My sisters are not like my brother and I. They enjoy staying hidden; they aren't that fond of our side of the family. I haven't seen my eldest sister for three years."

Souichi whistled beside him, shaking his head.

"That's…wow. I thought my family was screwed up."

Tetsuhiro blinked a few times. "Screwed up?"

Souichi paused, obviously thinking about it. "It means…like messed up. Weird." His eyebrows furrowed like he didn't think his definition did the phrase justice but Tetsuhiro nodded all the same.

"I suppose that is a correct description. I do not enjoy spending time with my family." It came out much quieter than he had expected and realized too late how depressing it must have sounded. He never spoke about his family this way.

Souichi raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

Tetsuhiro let his eyes fall to his fins, moving them lazily from side to side in the water. "My brother has grown distant lately and my sisters have never really talked to me." He could feel sadness creeping up on him and Souichi was looking at him like he pitied him which made it even worse. "I'm very lucky for my friends." He said and let a fond smile form because it was true.

"And who's that?"

"My best friend is called Hiroto. I don't even remember not being friends with him. And then there's Masaki. He's actually a friend of my brothers but he will play with me sometimes."

Silence met his words and after a few moments he looked up faintly confused. Souichi was staring at him like he was waiting for more.

"That's it?"

Tetsuhiro nodded, flushing under Souichi's incredulous gaze.

"My father says friends are not prudent."

Souichi snorted. "What an asshole."

"What's-"

"It means idiot." Souichi cut in like he had expected the question. He turned towards him, eyed the merman with something Tetsuhiro desperately wished he could interpret and muttered a warm, "Idiot."

Tetsuhiro looked away, his ears suddenly tinted with pink.

"What about your family Souichi?" He asked. He thought it was a fair question but when Souichi inhaled sharply, withdrew his feet from the water and rested his elbows on his knees so he couldn't see his face, he regretted it.

"I've got two younger siblings, Tomoe and Kanako. They're alright, I guess. Annoying sometimes but-" Souichi trailed off and Tetsuhiro pushed no further.

"And your friends?" He asked since family was clearly a sensitive subject. Souichi shrugged, picking up a pebble near him and casting it into the water.

"I don't have a best friend or anything. I've got friends in school but only a couple since I'm mostly surrounded by morons."

Tetsuhiro nodded, biting his lip, unsure whether to go along with this train of thought.

"Am I your friend Souichi?" He asked finally, shyly looking up through his eyelashes. The body next to him jolted in surprise and Tetsuhiro smiled despite feeling timid.

Souichi attempted to cover his surprise by scoffing loudly. "Depends, are you a moron?"

Tetsuhiro wasn't sure what moron meant but by the smug look on Souichi's face he assumed it wasn't good. Instead he went with what he already knew.

"I am an idiot."

And Souichi not only cracked the most genuine smile he had seen but let out a laugh that was open and honest and warm.

He realized he would have waited for as long as it took to see Souichi again.

* * *

Tetsuhiro had never talked so much in his life to another person. Sure Hiroto was his best friend, but they knew each other well enough already. Souichi was a beacon, he was a whole new world of ideas and stories and information that Tetsuhiro was sure no other merman had ever heard before.

Souichi, he was quickly realizing, was a very animate person. He liked to wave his arms about when describing the countless, maddening situations he seemed to encounter in his day to day life. Souichi was always delightfully angered by the slightest things.

"And then the moron has the gall to tell _me_ to watch it. I'm telling you, the fact that you don't have to go to school is a freaking blessing."

Tetsuhiro smiled up at the blue of the sky, though he had a sneaking suspicion he just hadn't stopped smiling since they met hours earlier. They had migrated from the edge of the ocean to lie fully on the flat of the rock. If Tetsuhiro turned his head to the right, he'd come face to face with Souichi's feet.

"I do wish I could see your home." Tetsuhiro said softly, longingly. With every nuisance Souichi described, Tetsuhiro merely wanted to understand it, to see it with his own two eyes. He had never really felt that much of a desire to leave his watery home behind him but if he could just walk with Souichi or travel with him and have a firsthand experience…

It was pointless to dwell on something so foolish but he couldn't help it. He heard Souichi let out a rather loud breath and couldn't tell if it was out of annoyance or something else.

"It's nothing special. If anything, seeing where you live would be…well, it would be pretty interesting."

Tetsuhiro remained silent, though the comment made him feel slightly light headed. At times he was so engrossed by Souichi that he would forget the human was just as curious about him.

He hadn't realized his eyes were closed until a shadow crossed over his face, making him flinch and blink them open.

"I could show you." Souichi said, hands on either side of Tetsuhiro's head, encasing him in his shadow. Tetsuhiro's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, though he stayed completely still in his position. He couldn't explain why Souichi hovering over him made him feel safe but it did.

"How?"

A _camera_, he called it.

After the initial shock and excitement wore off on the device itself, Tetsuhiro gazed in awe at the various snapshots of Souichi's home. It was like his brain was reorganizing itself to match the reality of Souichi's life. He had always imagined his sister Kanako with long hair like Souichi's but it was cut short and suited her well. His brother was much shorter than Souichi and his hair a shocking orange that reminded him of Hiroto.

He made Souichi pause for a full five minutes on some of the pictures so he could explain everything. For all the minor nuisances Souichi seemed angered with, he was rather patient, even when Tetsuhiro would touch the images gently with his finger.

"My father is so wrong about humans." Tetsuhiro breathed in unreserved wonder, his finger lingering on the bright red tree Souichi rested on in one of the images.

"What do you mean?" Because Souichi had to flick through the camera himself, they had moved to lean against a boulder, their shoulders and upper arms stuck together. When Souichi spoke, Tetsuhiro could practically feel the vibrations of his voice through his skin.

"He's very…against humans. Everything they do infuriates him but this…I mean if humans can make something like this…it's incredible." Tetsuhiro finished, breathing out as he lifted his finger from the camera's screen and smiling, satisfied.

When he looked over at Souichi, he didn't think two brown eyes would already be looking at him. For a brief moment, Souichi's features were softened completely, like he was lost in thought, and he was staring at him with…Tetsuhiro didn't have the word for it and couldn't think of one in time. When Souichi came back to himself, his eyes widened and he scowled, turning his gaze back to his lap where the camera now rested. Tetsuhiro blinked in confusion.

He looked angry, even after a minute ticked by, and Tetsuhiro's stomach twisted in concern. Had he done something to offend him? Souichi was always on edge but he only grew angry when Tetsuhiro brought up certain things. Replaying the conversation in his mind, he couldn't see anything wrong.

Come to think of it, Souichi had been a lot more closed off that day than he normally was. Sure he had been patient showing Tetsuhiro the pictures, but it was a weary patience, like he was going along with it out of a sense of responsibility.

Carefully so as to not frighten him off, Tetsuhiro let his right hand drop to his side and slid it over a few inches. Souchi's entire body flinched at the contact but his anger seemed to momentarily be replaced by surprise. Tetsuhiro wasn't sure what he was expecting, but Souichi's hand was warm like his own and his skin, well, his skin was as smooth and soft as it looked. His fingers still held the camera in his lap so Tetsuhiro had to settle for brushing the back of his hand lightly.

"It's alright to be upset, Souichi." He said as low as he could manage so as to not disturb the tentative trust between them.

He saw Souichi's mouth drop slightly, a look of shock that said he hadn't expected anyone to notice and he hunched his shoulders defensively.

"Shut up," he murmured, his eyes still fixed on his lap. Tetsuhiro frowned, letting his fingers trace a circle on Souichi's skin before falling away completely.

"You don't have to tell me anything. But I am here if you need me," Tetsuhiro said with conviction. But he said nothing more because he knew the human well enough not to push anything.

It was quiet for a while, both lost in their own minds, when a buzzing noise startled the silence. Souichi set the camera aside and reached into his pocket, retrieving a small...well a small something. He rubbed his eyes before squinting at it and sighed heavily before pocketing it again.

"I have to go pack. My dad wants to leave tonight instead of tomorrow."

A sudden and crushing sense of disappointment struck him at Souichi's words. For a brief and mad moment he hated Souichi's father for taking him away. Tetsuhiro winced, immediately feeling the shame at the thought a second later. Souichi liked to evoke emotions from him that he had never felt so intensely before.

But Souichi didn't move right away. He sat fiddling with his camera for a while longer before shifting so his upper body turned towards Tetsuhiro.

"Look you weren't…wrong. I don't want to talk about it. Not now anyway. Maybe someday but not…yet." Souichi said quietly; the words felt heavy and rough like they had to punch themselves out of his mouth. Tetsuhiro peeked up at him through his eyelashes and saw the distress in Souichi's face. He was upset but Souichi looked far worse than he felt.

"Ok." He said as happily as he could, forcing a smile onto his face. Souichi glanced up at him, eyes rapidly darting over Tetsuhiro's face.

"What's wrong?"

Tetsuhiro couldn't hold his gaze and instead his eyes fell away to the blue of his tail.

"I don't want you to leave." He admitted softly. The words sounded whiny and inconsiderate and he wished he could take them back once they were out. But they hung resolutely between the two boys in the quiet that followed.

"Smile."

Tetsuhiro blinked up at Souichi in utter bewilderment to find the camera pointing in his direction.

"What?" He asked. Souichi lowered the camera slightly so as to show off an eye roll and gestured towards him.

"Smile." He repeated so Tetsuhiro did, though it didn't feel quite right on his face. Souichi let out an annoyed huff and pointed an accusing finger at him. "A real one." He demanded.

This time, Tetsuhiro found it easy to. Because he realized with a start that Souichi knew what a genuine smile looked like on his face. And that was certainly something to be happy about.

There was an audible click and Souichi leant forward, twisting the camera around making Tetsuhiro gasp. Sure he had seen Souichi's face reflected back to him as well as his house and school and siblings. But seeing his own face, smiling sincerely, eyes a sparkling green, was indescribable.

Both boys jumped when another buzz filled the air. Souichi ran a hand through his long hair in frustration, the contentment from before seemingly lost.

"Ok my dad is serious about leaving tonight I guess." Souichi paused to scratch behind his neck. "How will we…I mean we'll probably come back next summer and…will the hair tie thing work again?"

Tetsuhiro shook his head slowly.

"Finding it this time was a complete accident."

Souichi nodded thoughtfully before gesturing around them.

"I'll…leave a note then. Here." He said, pointing downwards. Tetsuhiro smiled because although Souichi was leaving and the disappointment he felt wasn't going away, Souichi _wanted_ to meet again. He was making _plans_ so they wouldn't miss each other.

Tetsuhiro nodded. "Ok." He paused, his heartbeat suddenly booming in his ears. "I will miss you, Souichi."

The words felt natural and refreshing to say aloud; he thought them so often after all.

The only visible reaction was the slight pink of Souichi's cheeks as he stood up.

"I'll tell you eventually." Souichi said as he began walking away. It sounded like a promise.

* * *

Kunihiro was bonded on the last day of winter. It was an intimate and peaceful time. Though, it wasn't until a few days later that the calmness that had settled over the colony was shattered when he couldn't find Masaki.

He hadn't worried at first. Masaki was older and busy, he realized that. But three days passed and he couldn't just let one of his only friends disappear. So he began asking those around him. It was only when Masaki's kin began to avoid his gaze or dart nervously away as he approached that he grew concerned. So he went to his brother.

"Banished?! What for?" Tetsuhiro exclaimed, propelling forward to shove his brother's shoulder _hard _when he made to move away. Kunihiro looked thoroughly unimpressed, shrugging minutely.

"Aren't you going to _do_ anything?" Tetsuhiro insisted, a note of desperation in his tone.

Kunihiro lazily studied his brother's face.

"Why should I?"

Tetsuhiro's mouth hung open for a moment before he shook his head in disbelief.

"Because…because he's your best friend. Doesn't that mean something to you?"

And then something changed in his brother's neutral expression, a brief look hurt flashed across his face and it startled Tetsuhiro. But no sooner had it appeared that his brother's face was suddenly up close to his and he could see his father glaring back at him.

"Learn to hold your tongue Tetsuhiro."

* * *

But he couldn't just leave it at that. So he invented a visit to his sister's cavern on the outskirts of the region, knowing his father or brother would hardly want to join him.

"Masaki," Tetsuhiro breathed when he reached his friend's dwelling. The heaped, bloody and bruised form of Masaki was hunched over in the corner, breathing far too slowly.

Masaki moved his head up slowly though it looked like the action alone pained him.

"Gorgeous aren't I," he muttered, wincing and bringing a hand up to one of the bumps on his head. Tetsuhiro approached slowly, intent on helping his friend as much as possible. He bent down so he was level and gently removed the hand hiding Masaki's face. What he saw made his throat dry and anger coiled in his belly. Masaki could barely open his eyes they were so swollen; his hair was matted with blood even in the water and his bare chest was blossoming with purple bruises.

"Who did this?" Tetsuhiro asked shakily.

Masaki coughed, his chest heaving with the effort and shook his head.

"It doesn't matter," he croaked out. His eyes dropped from Tetsuhiro's, a flash of understanding passed between them. He hadn't known his father was capable of this. It made his stomach turn. "I probably deserved it anyway."

"No." Tetsuhiro answered quickly, automatically. No one deserved this. "What happened?"

"I wanted to see it for myself. Wanted…wanted to see him." Masaki's voice stuttered and he coughed again. Tetsuhiro blinked: him? He didn't understand.

"You have nice hands Tetsuhiro. So soft." Tetsuhiro's eyes darted upwards from where his hand lay on Masaki's chest and met his gaze head on. Masaki wasn't in his right mind, his words slurred together and eyes drooping, but Tetsuhiro still felt a heat work its way up his neck at the sentiment.

"Masaki?" He asked softly, swallowing loudly as Masaki swayed into his personal space, eyes closed, and dropped his forehead onto Tetsuhiro's shoulder.

"Why couldn't it have been you."

* * *

He began dreaming about Souichi. It was never anything magnificent or mystifying. Most of the time they would be sitting near the ocean and watching the sun set over the horizon, making for a sky filled with pinks and yellows. Souichi's features would switch between his 12 and 15 year old self, sometimes his hair was longer than he remembered or his skin paler. They would snap pictures together with Souichi's camera and both of them would be grinning. And they would never end, not really. Souichi never needed to leave or pack and Tetsuhiro was absolved from any responsibilities his father set out for him. It left him smiling when he woke and Souichi once again became a prominent part in the back of his mind.

So when he surfaced the water for the first time that year, air burning his lungs, and caught sight of a piece of paper flapping under the weight of a rock, Tetsuhiro had to bite his lip to make sure he wasn't asleep.

* * *

"So he's back then." Hiroto drawled in greeting as his best friend drifted towards him. Tetsuhiro continued beaming though a moment later he shook his head in confusion.

"What?"

Hiroto raised an amused eyebrow.

"The human? He's back."

Tetsuhiro's eyes widened, his smile dropped, and he glanced from side to side looking slightly panicked.

"How…"

Hiroto rolled his eyes. "Oh please. You've looked happier in the last few minutes than you have in the last few months. It's quite revolting to have to look at."

Tetsuhiro's shoulders dropped in relief and he smirked indulgently.

"I apologize for upsetting your delicate countenance. Won't happen again."

"But it will, won't it." Hiroto said, suddenly serious. He searched his friend's eyes before noting the guilt that lay there. "Tetsuhiro, I want to be a good friend but…what is so damn fascinating about humans that you'd risk getting in major trouble for?"

Tetsuhiro plucked at the band on his wrist, the water having reduced it to a light shade of pink.

"Not…humans. Just him." He murmured, his eyes never leaving his hand. "I'd do the same for you."

Hiroto chuckled at his attempt of recovery. "Ha! No you wouldn't. He's like…I don't know…an obsession or something."

When Tetsuhiro merely shrugged, the cheeriness from before lost in the sudden serious turn in conversation, Hiroto sighed dramatically.

"When are you seeing him?"

* * *

_June 2004_

He pulled himself up and out of the water only to flinch as his nose met something solid. Tetsuhiro blinked and leaned his head away from the onslaught in confusion until familiar brown eyes peeked over the top of the obstruction.

"Bought a book," Souichi said in explanation, allowing the rest of his face to come into view as he lowered it. Tetsuhiro, still frozen in his position, wasn't looking at the _book_.

"What are those?" He asked, gesturing to Souichi's face. Souichi furrowed his eyebrows, lifting his free hand up to skim lightly over his face until he gripped the edges of the offending object.

"Glasses, to help my eyesight," he illuminated, pausing. "You've never seen them before?" Tetsuhiro shook his head, his long inky hair sticking to the sides of his face. Souichi shrugged and adjusted his glasses. "Hmm, must have been wearing contacts."

_Glasses. _Tetsuhiro frowned. He wasn't sure he liked anything obstructing his view of Souichi's eyes.

When they were settled, a comfortable warmth cocooning them as the sun rose just a little higher, Souichi tapped the top of the book and cleared his throat.

"_The Observations and Explanations of Merfolk_," he read, pointing to each word. Tetsuhiro sat up a little straighter, though his bare back scraped the rock he leant against, and apprehensively met Souichi's smirk.

"Humans…know about us?" Tetsuhiro asked quietly. He didn't mind Souichi knowing, but if it spread, if their secret world was exposed to so many humans…he may not be close to his family but he would never want them to be hurt.

Souichi didn't seem to notice his distress because he snorted and flipped the book open to the first page with a flourish.

"Nah, I doubt any of this is true. Probably some knock off of the Little Mermaid." At Tetsuhiro's look of confusion, Souichi waved his hand a little and sighed. "It's a movie. Forget it. Anyway, I was thinking we could go through it and you could tell me what's real and what's a myth."

"Alright." Tetsuhiro agreed softly, watching Souichi's long fingers gently open the book and smiled fondly. The words he was met with looked jumbled and perplexing so after a few moments of trying to make sense of them he gave up, choosing to instead watch the boy beside him. He liked the way Souichi would grip the very corner of a page and his fingertips would slip just so while turning it.

After a minute or two in which Souichi skimmed through the first few pages, he cleared his throat. "Ok let's see._ A merfolk's diet mainly consists of shellfish as to eat fish of any kind is considered cannibalism_."

Tetsuhiro nodded. "That is true."

Souichi raised a disapproving eyebrow. "Huh. Remind me to bring you some food tomorrow," he said dismissively. Tetsuhiro let his head fall back against the rock, smiling with affection. Souichi's offhand comments made his chest warm.

" How about this: _Merfolk tend to travel in pods consisting of ten to fifteen of their kin and rarely go outside of what they consider their territory or home."_

"False. We used to live like that, an age ago, but now it's more of a community. My father is the head of at least two thousand of us."

Souichi's head shot up from where he peered over the book with wide, surprised eyes.

"Wh-what…seriously? He like the leader or what?" He spluttered.

Tetsuhiro shrugged, not particularly in the mood to discuss his father.

"I suppose."

He didn't look at Souichi's reaction and was relieved when the questioning ceased.

"_Merfolk mate for life. They are married to their counterpart at a fairly young age." _Souichi asked, his voice low and soft. Tetsuhiro shifted uncomfortably at the mention of mating, something he rarely discussed with anyone.

"Married?" He asked instead, the word foreign.

Souichi cast his eyes upwards in exasperation making the corner of Tetsuhiro's mouth twitch in amusement.

"Like, you make a vow to someone else. To stay with them until one of you dies." Souichi said by way of explanation. He didn't look particularly pleased with the description, shaking his head. "It's dumb, I'm never doing it."

Tetsuhiro's brow furrowed; this _married_ business sounded an awful lot like bonding. He had always thought being bound was something _everyone_ wanted and _everyone_ hoped for. He couldn't imagine Souichi not wanting that sort of thing with someone.

"Why not?" He blurted out after a few moments of silence.

Souichi let out a bitter laugh, turning the page of the book roughly. "As if there's anyone that could stick with me for the rest of my life."

Souichi's words were so honest and firm and he looked like he fully believed them. How could he feel this way? How could he believe that no one would want to stay by his side when he was so…so special to Tetsuhiro?

He imagined endless days of summer where they would sit together and talk about anything and everything, Souichi's warm body a constant anchor. Perhaps they would be in the water, floating beside one another, wet skin touching just so.

A stray blonde hair had escaped Souichi's blue hair tie and was twisting about his face. Tetsuhiro had the strongest urge to reach up and tuck it behind his ear, curving his finger on the smooth skin of his cheek.

He wouldn't mind spending the rest of his days with Souichi.

The thought was powerful and terrifying and comforting all at once and he could feel a blush work its way upwards from his chest. It only deepened to red when Souichi met his gaze calmly and realized he had been talking to him.

"Huh?" Tetsuhiro croaked out, his mind and emotions still reeling.

Souichi's eyes darted across Tetsuhiro's face and he raised an eyebrow as he no doubt noticed the color. "I said is it true? What the book says?" He asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion. Tetsuhiro looked away, feeling oddly guilty, and nodded.

"Oh…we are bound to our chosen mate at a young age, yes. My brother Kunihiro was bonded to his partner earlier this year. But," he winced and lowered his voice, "she was chosen by our parents, which isn't customary anymore. Usually you are allowed to choose who you bond with and stay with them for life. But in our situation, it's different." It sounded depressing aloud which was why he absolutely hated talking about his family with Souichi. But Souichi spent so much time explaining and showing and telling him things about the human world that he couldn't refuse.

Souichi nodded slowly, raising a finger to his chin as he let it sink in. "You mean…you can cheat? Divorce?" At Tetsuhiro's furrowed eyebrows he said instead, "Separate I mean."

"It's frowned upon but yes." Tetsuhiro said, playing with his fingers, uncomfortable. It was improper to discuss these sorts of subjects with others. Discussing them with Souichi, no less. His blush was nowhere near fading and he couldn't understand why.

"How old is Kunihiro?" Souichi asked.

"He turned 18 two days before he was bound." He responded.

Souichi nodded again. "So you have like what, 3,4 more years?"

When he put it _that_ way it sounded like a sentence. Perhaps it was.

"Yes." He answered reluctantly. Souichi seemed to sense nothing was wrong and shrugged calmly, flipping through a few pages without really reading them.

"Well, maybe you'll be lucky and get a pretty girl." Souichi said, finally reaching up and curling the stray hair around his ear.

Tetsuhiro dragged his eyes away to the vastness of the sea.

"I suppose."

* * *

On the fourth day, Tetsuhiro suggested they leave their cove to swim for a while. It wasn't an unjustified idea. The sun was particularly brutal that day; both their faces were pink with the heat and Tetsuhiro's fins burned in protest at the lack of water. He thought it would be nice to cool off and lazily float about. But the look on Souichi's face when he asked, the way he completely froze up and his face shut down, made him think otherwise.

"I…don't want to." Souichi grumbled, stacking some flattened rocks on top of each other. It was obvious he was trying for disinterested, but his eyes kept darting nervously to the water and his hands shook just slightly.

Tetsuhiro immediately welled up with concern, though he did his best to hide it. He had learned to appear aloof with Souichi to get information he wanted.

"Why not?" He asked, edging closer to the water and dipping one hand in. Souichi eyed his submerged fingers and scoffed.

"I don't swim."

Tetsuhiro frowned. He knew he was being lied to. Souichi had complained to him just last year about how bad the members of his swim team were at diving.

When a bead of sweat trickled down his cheek from his forehead, he allowed the rest of his body to sink into the placid water. After how hot he had been it felt fantastic and for once he was glad to breathe in the water around him. He whipped his hair backwards as he emerged, smiling and at ease again in the baking sun. Souichi had stopped fiddling with the rocks to watch him.

Unfortunately for Souichi, who wore his emotions far too well, he looked more envious than annoyed as Tetsuhiro grinned at him.

"I know you can swim Souichi. Why won't you join me?" Tetsuhiro drawled as he lay on his back, waving his tail lazily. Souichi's gaze only intensified.

"Shut up. I said I don't want to." He snapped.

Tetsuhiro shrugged calmly, letting Souichi's usual irritable tone wash over him. "But it's really _nice_ and cool." He paused and eyed the sweat that was soaked through Souichi's clothes. "At least take your shirt off."

A sudden burst of pain bloomed on his cheek; the shock of it sending him underwater for the briefest of moments. He barely registered Souichi's reddened face or the stone that sunk slowly to the seabed. Tetsuhiro emerged with a protective hand to the right side of his face and looked about wildly for Souichi with miserable confusion.

He was standing now, arms tight to his sides, hands clenched, and a look of fury that took over his entire being. Tetsuhiro was devastated to find that Souchi's narrowed eyes were glistening.

"I told you to shut the fuck up!" Souichi yelled, kicking the pile of rocks and sending them scattered. Tetsuhiro looked on in a stunned silence as the throbbing from his cheek subsided a little. Souichi's hurt gaze put him in more pain than the rock had. He opened his mouth to speak but Souichi already had his back turned.

"Some friend you are." He spat, and stomped away.

When his father asked about the bruise, he said he had been roughhousing with the other boys. His father had looked pleased, Kunihiro seemed suspicious, and Tetsuhiro was forced to stay awake with the hurt image of Souichi in his mind.

* * *

"My mother drowned."

_I'll tell you eventually_

Souichi wasn't looking at him.

_Oh_

"That night you found me was her funeral. It's why I…I don't like the water. The ocean." Souichi said as he gazed past Tetsuhiro to the water. He picked at the words slowly like he had carefully chosen them. Tetsuhiro milled over his confession feeling rather upset himself.

This entire time, the reason they met…had he been so blind not to see it?

But this wasn't about him, and though Souichi's words were spoken out of anger yesterday, he couldn't help feeling like a useless friend.

"I'm very sorry." He said softly, not daring to move closer. Souichi still wasn't looking at him and stood with his arms crossed, his face defeated and angry.

"I was supposed to have been on that boat. I could have…I could have saved her. Fuck." Souichi grumbled through clenched teeth. With the palms of his hands, he pushed his glasses up to hold them tightly against his eyes. The sight of him turned over Tetsuhiro's stomach.

"Souichi…" He tried but stopped when Souichi shook his head.

"She didn't deserve to die. She had three kids and a husband and she fucking loved the ocean. It's like the universe decided it would be the most ironic way to kill her and did it."

Souichi took a deep, shaky breath and finally locked eyes with Tetsuhiro.

"And it's like…coming here is _torture_. Especially when the ocean is like this, all calm and deceiving. I _hate_ it and I _hate_ the fact that I can't even look at it without thinking about her."

He paused, running a hand through his long hair and dropping his gaze to his feet. One of the flattened rocks he had been gathering from the previous day sat stoically by his heel.

"Now I can't even go in it. How pathetic is that? I've let it…I'm fucking weak." He finished, pinching the bridge of his nose with a grimace. Tetsuhiro had never seen Souichi so vulnerable but here he was, pouring out his grief and all he could do was watch.

Unsure of how to help, Tetsuhiro waited until Souichi visibly calmed down before scooting just a bit closer in a gesture he hoped was comforting: that he was there, that he wasn't going to leave.

"You are the strongest person I know. You are not to blame and no one could have prevented that." He said with complete honesty. He could practically see Souichi's defensive wall coming up, his face closing off as he spoke. "You are strong, Souichi and I am honored to know you," he continued. Souichi locked eyes with him for a few moments before glancing away, shoulders slumping. He didn't cry, though it looked to be a near thing.

When Souichi left shortly after, Tetsuhiro wondered for the first time if he was wrong in his want of a mother. His own hadn't raised him, not really. He learned from a young age that she resented him and his brother for they were produced from a loveless marriage. And if this was the pain of losing a mother, if it destroyed you within an inch of sanity, perhaps he was lucky.

But deep down he knew he was wrong because he had felt the pull of love and could imagine if someone close to him were suddenly gone. Hiroto or Kunihiro or…Souichi.

He softly felt the two red bands encircling his wrist.

Especially Souichi.

* * *

It was with a sinking jolt that he realized what had been irking him about Souichi's mother's death. He had even traveled for over an hour to reach his sisters' cave, hoping with all his might he was wrong.

"Oh yes, the pretty little blonde one," the youngest of his sister's drawled lazily into his ear. "Her screams were positively _delightful_."

* * *

"Souichi," he said, the following day. "Don't come out here at night alone."

* * *

He had longed for that to be the end of it. He would have given anything to keep Souichi in the dark. But on the final day of their summer, Tetsuhiro narrowly avoided another bruise as the heavy book they had combed through was dropped unceremoniously onto the rock in front of him.

"You were sent to kill me, weren't you?"

Tetsuhiro didn't look up at the accusation; he couldn't bear to see what Souichi's eyes held.

"Yes."

"Your sisters, they're sirens?" Souichi asked. Tetsuhiro nodded. There was no point in lying. "They sink boats. They sunk my mom's, didn't they?"

Tetsuhiro didn't move; his silence told Souichi everything he needed to know.

"So what are you doing? Hmm? I'm still alive aren't I? Don't you want to finish what you started?" Souichi's voice rose with each word and Tetsuhiro winced at how angry he sounded. Though he knew he would regret it, he couldn't resist looking up; if this was the last time he would ever see Souichi's eyes he didn't want to miss it.

"I would never hurt you Souichi." He pleaded softly.

Souichi didn't deign him with a response, though his eyes revealed how betrayed he felt. He picked up the book and threw it into the water behind Tetsuhiro with a loud splash.

Souichi's retreating form was blurry. Tetsuhiro curiously reached up and felt underneath his eyes, his fingers coming back wet.

So, this was crying.

* * *

And suddenly, his tail was his biggest weakness. He had never looked at it as a hindrance but that's what it was turning into. Because he couldn't follow Souichi or force him to come back or even beg for forgiveness. And that unbearable feeling of helplessness was like a disease, working its way through his veins and consuming every thought he had.

For days he'd scrabble into their cove, heaving his body a little farther each time in the hope of catching a glimpse of Souichi. Somewhere. A sign, anything. Realistically he already knew Souichi was gone, but hope was a dastardly thing and made him continue his pursuit.

His nails chipped on the rock, his belly and arms scratched, and a deep ache persisted in his arms from the extra exertion. Hiroto was just plain worried when he'd return in the early light of morning with red eyes and a scratchy throat.

The nightmares were new too. It wasn't Souichi's mother that was being dragged to the bottom of the ocean in his head. He'd wake up screaming, thankful for the crashing of the waves that drowned it out.

And then it wasn't enough to wait. He began swimming towards the beaches.

When Hiroto found out and actually broke down in front of him in a desperate attempt to talk sense into his friend and then threatened to tell his father, he was forced to stop. It was the first time in their entire friendship that he purposely ignored Hiroto.

But the problem remained, the hollowness that was now lodged in his chest still wasn't going away and he needed to distract himself.

So he visited Masaki.

Because Masaki didn't badger him about why he was so upset or threaten to tell his father. They would collect meals together, eating for hours on end, and then he was laughing again and it felt liberating.

He liked Masaki's soft smile and warm eyes. His voice was always pleasant to listen to and he enjoyed it when he hummed while preparing the shellfish.

On his sixteenth birthday, Masaki welcomed him with his usual fond expression and a hand on his lower back.

When they were fed and enjoying the warmth of the sun through the water, Masaki kissed him.

Tetsuhiro went rigid, unsure of what was happening but not really wanting it to stop. Masaki was _kissing_ him with full, soft lips and a hand gently cupping his face.

He hadn't realized his eyes had closed until he blinked them open when Masaki pulled back with a curious smile.

He waited for the sense of wrongness to wash over him, for the guilt and confusion. But it never came because it felt…well it felt nice. His gaze dropped to Masaki's lips and back up to his eyes. Masaki's thumb caressed the side of his face and his lower belly filled with foreign tingles, his skin suddenly sensitive.

"Is this alright?" Masaki asked, his low voice sending a shudder through him. Tetsuhiro's cheeks went pink and he could practically hear his father yelling at him that this was forbidden, that it was wrong and disgraceful. But he liked the way he was feeling and he didn't want it to stop.

So he nodded and this time, he was the one that leant forward.

He looked forward to when he was able to slip away to Masaki's home and be pushed against the caverns walls, fingertips and nails digging into his skin.

On one of their lazier days, Masaki softly asked about the red bands on his wrist. Tetsuhiro lied smoothly but the damage was done, the flood of emotion proof enough. He had wanted distraction and Masaki had unknowingly provided it. But he had been a fool to think that Souichi would fade from his memory.

* * *

_June 2006_

"Why did you lie to me?" Was what Souichi chose to demand, out of everything, as Tetsuhiro rose up from the water. He froze in place when the other came into view: cross legged on the ground, setting aside a smaller book, and as captivating as he had always been. Tetsuhiro felt he couldn't breathe and the tightening in his chest wasn't going away. Souichi was _here_.

"I didn't know. And when I did find out I thought you'd hate me." Tetsuhiro admitted when he found his voice, sitting slowly on the rock with his tail still in the water. The way Souichi was staring at him made him shift uncomfortably. It was piercing and calculating, trying to find the lie in Tetsuhiro's words and…had his eyes gone an even darker shade of brown? Was that even possible?

When the silence was on the verge of unbearable and Souichi still hadn't moved, he spoke.

"Souichi-"He began but stopped short when Souichi stood. Tetsuhiro braced himself, unsure of whether another stone was going to be sent his way, and seriously debated whether to sink back into the water just below him.

Souichi towered over him for a few seconds before dropping to the ground, submerging his feet into the water next to Tetsuhiro's fins.

"Just shut up. I don't hate you."

Tetsuhiro's eyes widened and a sudden welling in his throat distracted him enough to keep from speaking. Souichi was here. He was on the verge of forgiving him. It was more than enough.

Tetsuhiro lost track of how long they sat there, gazing out into the expanse that was his home. Souichi refused to look at him for more than a few seconds and still wore a deep set scowl when their eyes met but Tetsuhiro couldn't help what he was feeling.

It was overwhelming and too big for the borders of his body. He felt it could easily lift from his skin and he'd be glowing from head to tail. He wanted to put a name to it but at the same time, didn't. Because he wasn't sure if in making real he would be able to handle what came with it.

For the moment though, he was happy to sit in quiet, pretending not to notice when Souichi's eyes would rest upon him.

"I'll never forgive you for being taller than me." Souichi grumbled before he left, and Tetsuhiro swam home, his cheeks aching from smiling.

* * *

When he thrust a jagged rock in Hiroto's face that evening, impishly grinning, he supposed he should be worried about how _un_surprised his friend looked.

Hiroto raised an eyebrow. "We killing someone?"

* * *

"Now I know why I didn't see you yesterday," Masaki drawled with fingers in Tetsuhiro's newly shortened hair, tugging and massaging as he went.

Tetsuhiro felt a guilty heat bloom up from his neck. He had never intended to tell Masaki where he was the previous day but he still felt badly for lying.

Masaki interpreted his reaction differently and tugged so he could lick at Tetsuhiro's exposed neck.

Tetsuhiro allowed the onslaught, enjoying the warm tingles and the sharpness of Masaki's teeth as he nibbled at the flesh there. Masaki always made him feel wanted and warm and nice.

And in his tranquil state, Tetsuhiro wormed his fingers through Masaki's hair. But the strands turned golden in his hands and the skin of his partner's ear paled, a small freckle appearing on the lobe. It wasn't until they pulled back slowly and the eyes that stared became a heavier brown, amber and solid that he jumped guiltily.

_Oh._

* * *

Unsurprisingly it was Kunihiro who had been the one to snitch on him in the end. His shortened hair was going against one of the few traditions his clan still abided by. It was absolute defiance and rebellion. Tetsuhiro faced his father's rage with as much courage as he could muster and though he had expected the fury, he hadn't expected the black eye and twisted arm along with it. He didn't care that Kunihiro looked guilty nor did he care that his father didn't want to see his face for a few weeks.

As much as it hurt, somewhere deep inside him he had always known that his father loved who he should be rather than who he was.

But that wasn't why Tetsuhiro lay wide awake that night, nestled in his family's kelp. Because although the right side of his face still throbbed in pain and a large, red hand print decorated his arm, his mind was on something entirely different.

He was attracted to Masaki and he could admit this whole heartedly. Masaki was endearing and charming and had a body and face to match. He was never shy with his affection especially since he discovered how physical Tetsuhiro was. When he was with Masaki, like _really_ with him, his mind was always on what they were doing and rarely drifted. Masaki was what he wanted to fill his mind with and he did.

But seeing Souichi again was…confusing.

He had been doing _so_ well, finally admitting to himself that he would most likely never see Souichi again. It felt like a stab in his chest whenever he acknowledged it but at least it wasn't as painful as hoping that he would be forgiven.

And now that the impossible had happened, now that Souichi had come back after two years, he realized that Souichi was fundamental to his happiness. And that scared him.

The way he felt was huge, suffocating at times, and unhealthy in how it pushed other things out of the way.

When he had pulled back earlier that day from the soft lips that had encased his, he hadn't wanted to see Masaki's eyes.

He bit his lip hard, watching a soft bloom of blood stretch upwards towards the surface.

He had wanted to see Souichi's.

* * *

"I always suspected," Hiroto said as he prodded Tetsuhiro's bruised eye gingerly. Tetsuhiro winced and held his hand up to his face protectively.

"Suspected?" He asked carefully.

"Yea I mean, you were always trailing after him. Still are. It was always, Souichi said this and Souichi did that. He's a human, I get it, but it was never just that." Hiroto finished with a smirk, looking quite proud of his observations.

Tetsuhiro looked down at the fading redness on his arm. Had he really been so obvious? Souichi had always been special to him.

"Hey, you okay?" Hiroto asked, his amusement gone and a look of concern for his friend.

"Just…confused." He mumbled. Hiroto gripped his shoulders and shook him gently a few times.

"Then go clear up your confusion. No point in getting stressed over something that might not even be true," Hiroto exclaimed and twisted his body around, shoving Tetsuhiro in the opposite direction. "Go on, get out of here, you short haired guppy."

* * *

He spent embarrassingly long hiding but he desperately needed the time, the moment. Souichi lay on his back, his long, bright hair displayed around him, and his chest moving slowly up and down. He looked so relaxed and vulnerable and Tetsuhiro had to rip his eyes away when his chest began to tighten.

He didn't know why his breathing was uneasy or why the tips of his fingers were turning white where they gripped the jagged edges of the rock. This was really no different from the numerous other times he came to visit his friend.

But the water felt heavier than normal as he waded towards the cove. And when he approached slowly, confirming that Souichi was indeed asleep as a gentle snore escaped his parted lips, he finally understood why this felt so daunting.

Because it was confirming everything he had feared and hoped.

Heaving himself up as slowly as he could, water trickling down his own chest and tail, he settled beside the other boy, leaning over as far as he dared. Souichi's glasses were slightly askew and had worked their way down the bridge of his nose, his blonde hair covering the surrounding rock floor. But his chest was so…so smooth and he had to bite his lip, hard, to resist the sudden urge to see what he tasted like. He could imagine far too easily the trail he would leave from Souichi's collarbone down to the pink flesh of his nipple, carrying on to dip into his bellybutton…

Two brown eyes were staring sleepily back at him.

He had never felt physically trapped by another's gaze. Still in the last dregs of sleep Souichi stared with no resistance, so very vulnerable. His eyebrows furrowed and suddenly there were fingertips on Tetsuhiro's face.

Tetsuhiro could not breathe.

"Who did this?" Came the rough and gravelly question. Tetsuhiro tried to swallow, positive he couldn't speak, couldn't respond to the question. He made no movement, afraid Souichi would turn away.

"My father." He finally managed to breathe out.

Souichi, now more awake than he had been, let one of his fingers drift near Tetsuhiro's eye.

"What an asshole." He grumbled, looking and sounding angry.

Tetsuhiro was no longer confused.

* * *

He decided to tell Masaki. Not everything, mind you. He just couldn't handle the pressure and the guilt that was beginning to eat him alive.

"Masaki?" Tetsuhiro prompted softly, twisting in Masaki's embrace to look at him properly. A fond smile and a contented hum met him and he was certain he hadn't felt this guilty about anything, ever.

"I…" he began, Masaki's interest peaking when he couldn't finish his thought. He was such a coward. "What I mean is…I need to…I'm sorry," he mumbled miserably, dropping his head forward in shame.

A low, amused rumble vibrated through his back where their skin met and the arms around him tightened imperceptibly.

"Tell me," the words whispered into his ear.

"What are you _doing_?" A new voice broke through their tranquil barrier and both of them went rigid with fear.

Kunihiro was watching them at a stone's throw away with a look he identified, with a sinking feeling of dread, as repulsion. Anger he could handle. Even disappointment. But no one had ever looked at him as if they were disgusted by his very existence. He may not have ever gotten along with his brother but he liked to think that they cared about each other, even if it was only a little.

The wide eyes that flicked from his own to Masaki sat frozen behind him told a different story.

"Nii-chan listen…" He tried, but Kunihiro flinched so violently at his voice that he broke off mid sentence. He didn't know what he would have said anyway. Nothing could remedy this situation.

"This is…what if father found out?"

Tetsuhiro's throat swelled in terror at the thought.

"Don't tell him."

Kunihiro let out a sharp, humorless laugh. "You think me stupid? Of course I won't." His eyes traveled from Tetsuhiro's to a spot behind him. "My little brother Masaki. My little brother, you…you _animal_."

Tetsuhiro's back straightened in sudden protectiveness. He made sure to drift slightly to his left, hoping that it did something to partially shield Masaki who still hadn't spoken a word behind him. "Hey! It was my choice as well!"

Kunihiro scoffed loudly, his fists clenching at his sides.

"Nonsense. Banishment just wasn't enough was it? You had to…to defile an innocent boy with your disgusting ways."

Tetsuhiro's bravado dissipated slightly. So…Kunihiro _knew_ about Masaki? How was that possible?

"Kunihiro…please…" Masaki croaked out, sounding lost and broken. But Masaki's response only seemed to spur his brother on.

"Were you thinking about me when you touched him? Hmm? My rejection was too much for you so you had to resort to my _brother_?"

It couldn't possibly be true, Tetsuhiro thought desperately. Masaki wouldn't….he had never….his _brother_?

Tetsuhiro turned around, making sure his brother was still in his vision, and his stomach sunk at what he saw.

"Masaki…" He said quietly though never intending to finish the thought. Masaki blinked up at him, clapping his arms around himself like he needed the support of his own body. He looked so pitiful and lost and _broken_ and through the ball of disappointment and chill that was opening up in Tetsuhiro's chest, he couldn't help wanting to put his arms around him, to soothe his pain.

"Honestly, I thought you'd have finished yourself off by now."

No, anything but that.

"Stop!" Tetsuhiro all but screamed. Because how _dare_ he?

The cry seemed to snap his brother out of whatever cruel trance he had been in and he even went so far as to flinch, like the mirth exited his body suddenly and without warning. Kunihiro's twisted face faded into a look of regret and Tetsuhiro, for the first time in a very long time, saw his real brother staring back at him.

But the mask slipped back on easily and Kunihiro turned his back to them. Tetsuhiro wished he could see his face. He wanted to know how far his brother was gone down the path his father was setting them both on.

"No, this stops. We're leaving. Now," Kunihiro said, his voice holding too many different emotions to really deduce anything.

But Tetsuhiro couldn't move. Surely his fins were stationary for only the drift of the ocean's current moved him languidly. A hand on his wrist made him stumble back to reality, hard, and he allowed himself to be turned around.

Masaki 's eyes were too guilty, too pained. "Go. Tetsuhiro, please just go."

Tetsuhiro shook his head with the energy he had left.

"I don't want to leave you alone like this." Because he really didn't. If Masaki really did…if his feelings for his brother were true and with everything Kunihiro had said…

It was wrong to think about Souichi at a time like this but he did. It would destroy him if he was in the same situation.

"Tetsuhiro!" His brother hissed.

Masaki let go of his wrist slowly.

"I'm sorry."

* * *

Hiroto thought it would be best for him to take a few days for himself, no responsibilities or trips to the surface. The rational part of his mind told him it agreed and having no extra baggage or stress would be just what he needed.

On the other hand, seeing Souichi's face was always such a comfort and he couldn't think of anything else he wanted at that moment.

Hiroto highly doubted, with the stories he had spun about his human companion, that Souichi would care about the end of his relationship or want to talk about it. Tetsuhiro sadly and silently agreed but he needed to see him, it wasn't a question. That was what it had become, a _need_.

But Souichi _did_ notice. He couldn't have spoken more than a few sentences before Souichi threw his hands up in the air and demanded to know what was wrong.

"My friend was banished," is what he decided on, almost ashamed with how easily the lie slipped off his tongue.

Souichi watched him thoughtfully for a few moments before he bounced up and started jogging away.

Tetsuhiro gaped, hurt, and he would have been completely upset with the action if Souichi hadn't glanced back and yelled, "I'll be right back!"

He returned fifteen minutes later, a little out of breath.

"Ignore the taste, I promise it's good. It's my dad's stuff."

Tetsuhiro lifted his head and eyed the brown bottle wearily. He didn't understand why anyone would drink something that didn't taste good.

His hesitance must have showed because Souichi rolled his eyes and placed the bottle to his lips, the light brown liquid swished loudly. Tetsuhiro's eyes dipped down to Souichi's throat as it worked and blushed to the tips of his ears when Souichi lifted his head and smacked his lips.

"There, see? Easy. Now stop being such a baby," Souichi said, smirking when Tetsuhiro scrunched up his face, offended at the insinuation.

Tetsuhiro pulled the neck of the bottle from Souichi's fingers and if they happened to slide over one another's it was _entirely_ by accident.

"You do want to forget about your friend, right?"

Tetsuhiro straightened his back, nodding, and copied Souichi's actions very aware that his lips were indirectly touching the other boy's. But not quite used to the burning sensation, he spluttered inelegantly. Souichi snorted in amusement.

Determined to consume at least as much as Souichi, Tetsuhiro forced himself to gulp down another two swigs and was rewarded when Souichi looked thoroughly surprised.

"Yea, yea. We'll see how long you last." Souichi said with a private smirk as he took the bottle back.

* * *

"You swim good, right?" Souichi drawled a few hours later as he, for the tenth time, tipped the empty bottle into his mouth in the hopes a few drops remained. Tetsuhiro was on his belly a few feet away, watching with droopy eyes and a fuzzy head.

"I'm a merman," he paused and turned his head to look behind him, "I think."

Souichi threw the bottle to the side with an annoyed grunt and lifted his head, nodding in confirmation. "Yup. Got the tail and everything." He let his head drop back down with a thud, the alcohol probably numbing the area.

"You've got legs," Tetsuhiro remarked and felt a prod in his tail where Souichi's toes hit him. And it was the funniest thing. Like really funny. So he started giggling and Souichi's answering little kicks spurred him on. When his stomach actually hurt from the laughter he copied Souichi and let his head thump to the ground. The sky was filled with stars tonight, all sharp and bright unlike the blur they appeared to be under the ocean. He liked it up here so much _better_. Souichi was here. And that brown drink which wasn't that bad tasting after a while. And Souichi was here.

"Teach me, idiot." Souichi whined a few moments later and Tetsuhiro racked his brain for an answer but he wasn't entirely sure he knew what he was answering in the first place.

"I'm not a teacher." He decided on, feeling around for the bottle Souichi had thrown earlier. He heard Souichi shifting around and saw him sit up, squinting at Tetsuhiro's form in the dark. His glasses were halfway down his nose which meant he really couldn't see anything and Tetsuhiro found his face scrunching up utterly endearing.

"But you swim like, well a lot. You can." Oh right, swimming. That's what Souichi wanted, to swim. Tetsuhiro glanced towards the ocean. He did like the water.

"Okay," he struggled to sit up and after a few attempts settled for resting on his forearms. A swooping sensation in his stomach and head stopped him though as he felt nausea for the first time in many, many years. "Not…not now though. I don't feel well."

Souichi watched him for a few moments and Tetsuhiro couldn't decide whether his answering blush was from the eyes on him or that damn drink. Even in the dark Souichi's eyes were luminescent in their intensity and Tetsuhiro had never been the object of such a forceful gaze. He wondered idly if Souichi looked at everyone like that.

"Fine," Souichi grumbled and fell backwards again, breathing out heavily as he went. "Why'd my mom like it so much? S'just water. Not even warm."

Tetsuhiro didn't answer; nothing he had to offer would make it better.

"Wanna swim. Stupid water."

His eyes were closed when Tetsuhiro leaned up enough to see him and his chest, distractingly bare, heaving up and down at a slow pace. He wished he could just take away Souichi's hurt because it actually pained him to think about.

And then Souichi had to ruin the seriousness of the moment by doing this stretching, groaning thing that accentuated the muscles in his stomach. Tetsuhiro's tongue felt heavy in his mouth. The alcohol made him want to lick him…_everywhere_. Souichi was always craning his neck and it looked delicious. He wanted to bite at the tendon that protruded from his skin.

"Souichi?" He asked in a voice so low and so thick with arousal that he hardly recognized it.

But the human didn't respond and Tetsuhiro's sluggish brain, after an embarrassingly long time, decided he was asleep.

One moment he was a few feet in the opposite direction and the next he was beside Souichi, unaware he had even moved. He admired him as he always did, with long, hungry looks and Souichi blissfully oblivious. Tetsuhiro's alcohol induced mind couldn't remember why he hadn't told Souichi how he felt. Or why he was still resisting the pink softness of Souichi's lips.

They were there all parted and pink and Tetsuhiro could practically already taste them. And then suddenly, he was.

He encased Souichi's upper lip with both of his, reveling in the feel and so, _so_ very glad that they were as smooth as he had imagined. A soft whimper left his mouth as warmth spread from their connected lips throughout his body. And then, through the blur that was his mind, he registered the lips beneath his shifting slightly and sliding over his for the briefest of moments before Souichi turned his head to the side with a grunt.

Tetsuhiro let out a gasp and felt so light headed he thought he may actually pass out. He flopped onto the ground next to Souichi's still sleeping form, a sliver of guilt working its way through his overwhelming arousal. But his body and head felt heavy and his eyes were closing on their own and blonde hair was painted behind his eyelids as he drifted into sleep.

* * *

He awoke to the blinding light of the sun, a horrific taste in his mouth, and a pounding headache. But more importantly, he woke up alone.

* * *

Another year passed as slowly as the one before it.

He hadn't seen Masaki since the incident, though he sent Hiroto to periodically check in on him. With the news that Kunihiro's mate was with child, Hiroto revealed that Masaki was taking it disturbingly hard.

Tetsuhiro debated whether or not to visit him. After all, he did still care for and love him on some level.

"He feels guilty." Hiroto relayed.

He should, Tetsuhiro thought bitterly. But it was hypocritical. Though it hadn't started out that way, they had been using each other.

Rosalie, his chosen mate, made frequent visits. His parents had actually picked well. She was polite, charming, and stunning. She liked to pull him aside to ask about his interests or what his plans were for the future. And everything she said was so sincere, like she genuinely cared about what he wanted in life.

And he really couldn't do this to her. Because she deserved so much better than a merman who was hopelessly in love with a human.

Because that's what it was. The name he had been too afraid to connect with his feelings. The devastating and lovely and twisted sensation in his chest. The reason he felt he was drowning and breathing all at once.

Souichi had effortlessly claimed his heart.

* * *

_June 2007_

Souichi, he thought, would be quite proud of how he chose to spend his free time that year. Because of his shortened hair, he wasn't allowed to see Rosalie. His father was worried her parents would back out of the bond if they saw and so Tetsuhiro chose to spend that time sabotaging his sisters.

He liked to believe that he didn't hate his sisters he just didn't know them. But when he'd see their malicious and downright gleeful grins as they returned from a _hunt, _blood coating their lips, he couldn't help it_. _He _wanted_ them to get caught at times. He _wanted_ the humans to be the ones to show them what it felt like to drown.

But they were smart. They traveled long distances for prey, never staying in the same place. Too many deaths in one area would spark concern among mankind and they couldn't risk that.

So Tetsuhiro followed them. Sometimes, he wouldn't eat a proper meal for a week with how far they'd go. But he never gave because this was for Souichi.

Some methods didn't work. He tried luring the sailors in himself but his sisters were so fast and he, too inexperienced. He had never successfully completed his siren song after all.

He didn't like doing it, but destroying parts of the sailor's boats so they were unable to drive them or stealing their oars was what worked. His sisters liked smaller boats; they were easier to get at the humans on board. He must have saved fifty odd lives that year.

As summer approached and his sisters became visibly frustrated with their lack of human flesh, he grew anxious. He had hoped, planned even, that they would be so defeated that they'd return home in time for Souichi's arrival.

But they began going farther South and as much as he wanted to follow and the almost crushing guilt he felt, he turned around and headed home.

Unlike his sisters who preferred the deep ocean, he stayed close to the shore. He loved watching humans go about their day on the beach or working in the harbor. He knew he was closing in on his family's territory as the familiar wharf began to come into view. The boats were much smaller and more for recreational use rather than for fishing. It was part of the reason they still lived here.

He had a few days to spare so he spent them watching the milling people. And then one day, whilst floating on his stomach, a flash of orange startled his sluggish gaze.

He ventured as close as he dared, using the waves to bob in and out of view, and narrowed his eyes to find the source.

It was a boy about his age, short and small with shocking red hair that Tetsuhiro had only seen a few times in his life.

_Wait_

_It couldn't be…_

From what he could see the boy was smiling, almost stupidly so, and helping another teenager load equipment onto a boat.

He looked nice, polite, and downright happy. Tetsuhiro shook his head, smiling at his own foolishness.

"_That couldn't be Tomoe then," _he thought, amused. Surely Souichi's brother would be a bit more…well, like Souichi.

"Oi! Idiot! I need to check this boat out first."

His head shot up so fast he was sure he'd get whiplash as the voice that haunted his thoughts reached his ears. Sure enough, Souichi's long and lean body came into view, pushing aside a few sailors who unfortunately had gotten in his way. He was stomping over to his brother and the black haired teenager he had seen before and gesturing madly towards the small boat.

Tetsuhiro couldn't distinguish between the blood rushing in his ears and the waves crashing against the rocks. A strong flutter bloomed in his chest and stomach and he found himself grinning broadly even as Souichi verbally abused the poor boy Tomoe was standing behind.

'So beautiful," he sighed tenderly, no longer fighting the current, bringing him closer to the harbor.

He waited among the shallows where his head hidden behind a pillar of the dock, knowing this was more dangerous than anything he had ever done but…Souichi was closer now and making his way angrily onto the boat even as his brother shouted at him not to. He was certain Souichi's scent was carrying over to him because he was engulfed in vanilla and jasmine and _Souichi._ And really, who could blame him for wanting to be closer.

So he waded towards him, ducking under the safety of the water, and peeked his head up on the other side away from other eyes. Souichi was marching around, his feet making rather a lot of noise as he searched for…well something, he wasn't sure. Holes? Tetsuhiro almost giggled despite himself.

When Souichi finally began searching around his area, hands sliding against the side of the boat, he reached his arm up and tangled their fingers together.

Souichi automatically wrenched his arm back up, yelping in surprise, and watching him slightly terrified. When he at last seemed to recognize him, his eyes widened and he scowled deeply, cheeks flushing red. Tetsuhiro remembered all too well how that heated skin felt against his hands, the slight tremble of those pink lips. God, how he wanted to taste them again.

"You _moron_. What if someone saw you?" Souichi hissed, looking around them warily. Tetsuhiro smiled and realized just how much he missed this man, even if he was being yelled at.

But then Souchi's gaze shifted as it landed on him, and his eyes narrowed. Tetsuhiro's smile started to fade when Souichi retracted his arm and his face contorted into something he could barely recognize. Was he angry with him?

"Meet me in an hour." Souichi said flatly without bothering to look at him. Tetsuhiro nodded but Souichi was already turning around and heading off the boat.

Fear settled in his belly. What had he done wrong?

* * *

"Don't touch me." Souichi spat as Tetsuhiro went to place a hand to his shoulder a short time later. Tetsuhiro flinched at the malice in his tone and obediently withdrew his hand as they sat in their cove, the sun too bright in the middle of the day. His shoulders were burning and he should really have his tail in the water but he could barely think with the panic coursing through him.

"Souichi? What's-" He started but stopped when Souichi pinned him with another glare.

"You kissed me. While I was asleep. You…you _kissed_ me."

Tetsuhiro's eyes widened and his face _burned_. He had been…awake? Then Souichi knew, he knew everything, he…had been awake and remembered. The world didn't crash around him as he initially thought when he considered telling Souichi his feelings. But his companions face was not a pleasant sight and made his chest clench uncomfortably. It wasn't the repulsion his brother had looked at him with but it was close and that, well that hurt.

"I…yes I did. And I'm sorry." Tetsuhiro said, lowering his head in defeat. He was not lying anymore, not to this man.

Souichi let out something resembling a gasp and a scoff.

"Thought you'd get me drunk and then…then what…_molest_ me?"

Something in his tone that made Tetsuhiro look up. There was betrayal there, underneath the obvious anger and aversion. That somehow hurt worse than anything his brother had thrown at him.

"You brought that drink. I didn't know what it would do. It made me relaxed and brave and…it was wrong of me to kiss you while you were asleep and I am sorry Souichi. I am."

He did hope Souichi was taking in what he was saying but his eyes had gone all distant and he was shaking his head like he was having an argument with himself. It took a few moments but Souichi did glance at him, eyeing him up and down and he really didn't like to be looked at like that.

"So you're a homo then?" Souichi replied, his voice low and cracked. "Unnatural." He said so flatly that it sounded abnormal.

Tetsuhiro loved this man, he did, but he was sick of feeling badly for being who he was. _Sick of it._ He clenched his jaw and fists and fought hard to keep the anger now brimming to his skin from reaching the surface.

"I don't know what that word means but I am not unnatural or disgusting or…I'm still me, Souichi. I thought, when I told you, that you'd be more…more supportive." He protested and dropped his voice so his next words came out mumbled. "You're just like my father."

Souichi spluttered indignantly. "I am nothing like that asshole!" He yelled with a force and a passion behind it that had yet to appear until that moment. Tetsuhiro was momentarily stunned that _that_ was what Souichi was more upset about. Perhaps comparing his friend to his abusive father wasn't the right path to take.

"Maybe not. But as my friend I thought you would understand or at least tolerate it." Tetsuhiro tried again, sounding a little lost and a little broken even to his own ears. Because he had wished it, so, _so_ much that Souichi would at least understand this if he couldn't reciprocate.

Souichi was even beautiful when angry, a fact that actually irritated Tetsuhiro to no end. It was difficult to stay mad at him for long when his ears were tinted pink and his hair slightly escaping his long ponytail.

"You want to pull the friend card. Fine. How about friends don't _molest_ friends."

Tetsuhiro threw his hands up, almost whimpering with how desperately he needed to fix this. "I said I was sorry! That was wrong! I just couldn't…" He froze, for once being able to stop his word vomit before it ruined their friendship yet again.

But Souichi caught it and narrowed his eyes even further.

"Couldn't what?" Silence. "Tell me idiot!" He demanded, practically yelling in his face. So Tetsuhiro told him, because why not just get the truth out there if Souichi wanted it _that_ badly.

"I couldn't resist!" He'd be lying if the shocked expression Souichi now wore wasn't gratifying because it was. The fact that his confession had stopped his friend in his tracks was a freaking miracle. Tetsuhiro took a deep breath before continuing. "I…I like you Souichi. I have for a while now and…and I was drunk and upset that you were leaving." The words flowed off his tongue so naturally he wondered why he hadn't said anything before.

But Souichi's confused and warred expression reminded him and sadness ebbed at his consciousness. '_Because_', he chided himself, '_Souichi is never going to return those feelings'_.

"What do you mean _like_?" Souichi demanded firmly, eyes now darting anywhere but at Tetsuhiro's. He looked to his lap. "I'm no homo."

"Can you please stop using that word?" Tetsuhiro asked softly but firm; he didn't like the way Souichi kept saying it like it was soiled. But he could see something come over Souichi's face, not acceptance, not yet, deliberation perhaps, and that made him continue gently. "I know that. I know you'll never accept my feelings. I'm happy just to remain friends." He said, though the reality of the situation sent a chill running through his chest. Souichi raised a disbelieving eyebrow, locking eyes with him. "Really." He insisted.

The waves that crashed along the shoreline were all he could hear for a few minutes, he wondered if Souichi would even notice if he slinked back into the water to cool his tail. Souichi was just so _distant_, like he was there but too deep into his own head.  
"You won't try anything on me." He chose to say, making Tetsuhiro study him hopefully. Souichi looked at him with coolly.

"No." He confirmed and Souichi searched his eyes before nodding, still looking guarded. Tetsuhiro wondered if there was an easy way to break the awkwardness that had settled over them. "Not unless you want me to."

"Ok…wait what!?" Souichi spluttered and Tetsuhiro smirked because it felt good.

"I was only joking Souichi."

"Damn right." Souichi scoffed. Tetsuhiro could feel eyes on him. "Idiot."

* * *

"I want to try and you're going to help me." Souichi announced a few days later, a look of determination greeting Tetsuhiro as he blinked the water from his eyelashes.

It didn't help that his mind automatically went downhill at Souichi's proclamation and it took an embarrassingly long time to comprehend what he actually wanted. Tetsuhiro nodded encouragingly from his place in the water and quelled the urge to beam at his friend.

"Of course Souichi. When do you want to start?"

Tetsuhiro couldn't help grinning when Souichi faltered slightly like he hadn't expected such a quick response. He attempted to cover it up with a cough and crossed his arms, resolve still evident in his stance.

"I uh…I don't have my bathing suit with me," he grumbled, waving his hand about his body, a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Tetsuhiro.

"What's wrong with your shorts?" Tetsuhiro asked, familiar heat rising inside him. He knew now that humans tended to prefer being covered up, a fact that Souichi still liked to follow adamantly, much to his dismay.

Souichi glanced around looking a little put out and uncomfortable before Tetsuhiro's grin was ripped right off his face as he reached down and pulled his thin shirt off, throwing it aside.

And just like that, the implications of what he was going to be doing were clear as day.

Souichi.

In the water.

_Shirtless_.

He was in trouble. It was such a chore already not to drool every time Souichi decided to pull his ab muscles taut. Now to add water to that equation and much closer proximity?

But he managed to push aside these thoughts at how very vulnerable Souichi appeared now, leaning forward towards the water but not moving an inch. He looked so unsure of himself, something Souichi never appeared as.

Tetsuhiro scooted closer to the rock, placing both hands on the side and sitting as he usually did. He figured he would start small so he patted the space next to him without turning around until a warm body dropped down next to his.

"You can swim already, yes?" Tetsuhiro asked as gently as he could manage. A stiff nod met his question. "It's just the ocean then?"

This time, Souichi scowled and kicked his leg so water sprayed both of them.

"I told you that already, idiot."

Tetsuhiro didn't rise to the bait, knowing his friend was just trying to diffuse the tension he felt.

"The water below us is too deep for you to stand, is that alright?" He asked. He didn't want Souichi to feel he couldn't trust him because full honesty was key in this situation.

As expected, Souichi stiffened further and his eyes darted to his submerged feet in a nervous tick. Though it took a few moments, Souichi nodded sharply once, staring determinately at the water.

Tetsuhiro breathed in deep hoping to convey calmness and edged off the rock, keeping his head above the water. He turned to face Souichi who watched with unmasked dread and held out a hand.

"I won't let anything happen to you Souichi." He said, lowering his voice so as not to scare him off.

Truthfully, he had expected some sort of retort or excuse to run away. So when a warm hand was placed in his, gripping just a little, he had to resist the urge to flinch in surprise.

He decided against pulling, instead choosing to lower their hands into the chill of the ocean. Souichi's body jolted in alarm, looking wide eyed at the conjoined hands underneath the water.

"It's just water." Tetsuhiro assured, echoing his words back to him.

Something in Souichi's expression changed; his eyes hardening and unreachable. Tetsuhiro felt a slight pressure in the grip he held and then it was gone, Souichi's hand retreating into the open air. Disappointment flooded his chest but he continued to smile gently as Souichi scooted backwards, looking so very angry with himself.

"Souichi…" He tried, but his friend shook his head and held a hand up. Defeated was not an emotion he often saw on Souichi's face.

* * *

It wasn't long before Souichi discovered Tetsuhiro's birthday. In fact, it was a wonder he had kept it a secret for so long with how terrible he could be at lying. Only a few birthdays were actually considered important enough to celebrate in his family. His 10th, 11th, and 12th years were meant to be reserved for his siren song, which he 'completed' at the youngest of those. His 18th year he would be bound to his mate but everything else in between was barely acknowledged and it never really felt like he was missing out on anything.

Judging by how appalled Souichi was, he assumed that it meant more to humans than it did to him.

He had been learning the days of the week with a pack of brightly colored cards that Souichi brought along one morning. It didn't bother Tetsuhiro, but Souichi took great delight in informing him he had to dig in Kanako's box of baby things to find them. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes as his friend basked in smugness each time he had to carefully sound out a word.

"I can't believe I have to teach you this. How do you know what to do and when, if you don't have specific days?"

"Tuesday," Tetsuhiro stated, setting aside a yellow and blue card. "We don't really plan ahead for occasions. If we need to meet tomorrow we merely say, tomorrow. Or in two days time."

Souichi scoffed loudly. "Whatever. It would make it easier."

Tetsuhiro smiled fondly without taking his eyes off of the Thursday card, letting the word imprint in his mind. _Thursday._

"So how do you know when your birthday is?" Souichi asked incredulously. There was a beat. "You _know_ it, right?"

Tetsuhiro glanced up and narrowed his eyes playfully. "Of course, it was yesterday."

Souichi spluttered in disbelief. "Yester-wait, _what_? So every time I visit it's your birthday and you didn't tell me?"

He placed the Sunday card down before Monday, satisfied they were in the correct order, and furrowed his eyebrows. "Would it have made a difference?"

Souichi's mouth worked open and closed a few times.

"Well…yea. I could have gotten you something."

"Something?" He asked curiously.

"A present," Souichi illuminated, rolling his eyes. At Tetsuhiro's expression, he looked like he was physically trying to keep his mouth from falling open again. "You've never gotten a present. You have GOT to be kidding me." He exclaimed.

Tetsuhiro smiled, shaking his head and looking down at the deep blue of his tail.

"I don't need a present, Souichi."

"Everyone wants presents. What do you want?"

Tetsuhiro blushed. What he _wanted _and what he could have were nowhere near the same thing. It sort of really hurt to hear those words coming from Souichi's mouth.

"Nothing." He said flatly, outlining one of his scales with the tip of his fingernail.

"Come on."

"Really Souichi, there's nothing. I'm just happy here with you." He said though a little hesitantly. He knew Souichi was aware of his feelings but he was never sure how far he could express them. Souichi was so volatile at times.

He did so love it though when Souichi would freeze up, eyes wide and brown, like it was brand new information. Souichi blushed _everywhere _too and it was distracting, yes, but entirely worth it.

"Yea, yea." Souichi mumbled, his eyes dropping to his own lap. "You're so embarrassing."

"I know," he said with a smile.

Just watching him, shyly picking at a thread on his shorts, hair loose and cascading around him, made Tetsuhiro weak with emotion.

'I am so in love with this man', he thought dizzily.

"You could…" It was a near thing not to clap his hand around his mouth, but the words were out. Now Souichi was staring at him curiously, waiting for him to complete what he had wanted to say.

"What?" Souichi asked after a few moments of silence.

And maybe it couldn't hurt to ask. If there was one thing he had learned about their relationship of almost 7 years, it was that Souichi would always come back. No matter how much he tried to hide it, Souichi cared about their friendship enough to make the effort to meet with him year after year. It couldn't hurt too much to ask…right?

"I want…" his courage dissipating by the second. "I want a kiss."

It was out there, the words heavily hanging between them. He didn't see Souichi's reaction because he didn't want to but he felt the body next to his tensed.

When he couldn't bear the silence anymore, he looked up, Souichi staring back at him with wide eyes and a searching gaze. But the thing was, he hadn't said no. Hadn't screamed in his face or stormed away. He was simply staring, lips parted just a little in slight disbelief. And that fact gave him a reason to be brave, so he decided to push forward.

"Please, Souichi. Just…just one." He begged softly because now that the option was on the table, he really, _really_ wanted it.

Souichi eyes began darting between his like a trapped animal, throat working a little.

"I'm not a homo." He stated flatly, though it came out more like a question than anything. Tetsuhiro let his eyes fall and his shoulders slump in disappointment, ready to assure Souichi it was alright. But he didn't get the chance.

"Fine do it. But quickly."

And that was it. _Permission_.

His head and heart rate shot up so fast he was surprised he didn't pass out on the spot. He must have looked eager or hungry or something because Souichi looked shocked at his face, blushing a deeper red then he had ever seen.

Tetsuhiro took a moment to compose himself a little, suddenly very nervous indeed. This was Souichi and he was letting him kiss him. _Kiss_ him. For a crazy moment, he almost backed out, too afraid to mess this up.

His nerves were wrecked and though he was unable to sweat, he could swear his forehead was glistening in the remaining sunlight. Because this was special, too special. Souichi was allowing this, probably the only time, he felt unprepared.

But it felt so natural to ease his body forward with a push of his arms, closing the space between them, and touch the back of Souichi's hand lightly with his. Souichi was deep set in scowl, as per usual, but his eyes were always so telling and he could plainly see the terror in them.

Afraid Souichi would back out if he took too long, his fingers trailed from where they caressed his hand upwards until he could grip his bicep. And maybe this was going a little too far and maybe Souichi didn't want to touch him at all. But this was his _birthday_, after all.

The body underneath his fingertips wasn't relaxing in the slightest and time was escaping him so he arched forward with no time to think about it. To his credit, Souichi didn't move back but he flinched hard. Tetsuhiro couldn't find it in himself through his wanting haze to feel badly. Because maybe Souichi didn't want this like he did but it was being offered and there was permission and his dizzy brain couldn't find the fault in that.

So he hovered in front of Souichi, their breaths mingling together in the space between, and Tetsuhiro's lips tingled with anticipation. Souichi's eyes were a fascinating thing, darting from his own to his lips at a speed that couldn't be physically possible.

It was only when Souichi grumpily murmured a, "hurry up already," that he happily closed the remaining distance.

The lips that met his were just as soft as he remembered through the drunken fog that was that night. And though they remained stoic, Souichi stubbornly tensing at the feel, he couldn't help his eyes closing shut in complete bliss.

They stayed liked that for a few moments or a minute or a day, lips barely parted, stuck together in a moist lock.

And it really was going to be enough. That would have been the best and only present he had ever received. But as he pulled back and blinked his heavy eyes open, he shivered with what he saw. Souichi's own eyelids were closed and his released lips were glistening in the light of the sky.

_Fuck_

It was enough to make him surge forward again, groaning deeply when their mouths collided again. He felt words mumbled where their lips connected and supposed it was a protest of some kind. And he would have stopped, really, if not for the fact that the hot and heavy hands that were suddenly on his chest weren't really pushing _that_ hard.

And then the lips beneath his pursed a little, so slowly and so minutely if he hadn't been cataloguing his reactions so closely he would have missed it. Through the waves of his broken mind, he recognized this as a response and his answering whimper must have startled Souichi for his mouth opened a little more in a gasp.

He was dimly aware of his other hand reaching up and threading through the strands of hair he had so often dreamt about. This action allowed him to tilt Souichi's head at an angle so their mouths fit together a little better.

He didn't dare go further, though the urge to taste the inside of Souichi's sweet mouth was overwhelming, because the newness was too much. And with how shyly Souichi was moving his lips he wondered for the first time if he had stolen Souichi's first kiss.

Even as his chest began to ache with the need to breathe, he didn't pull back until he was sure he couldn't for another moment without fainting. Their harsh breaths filled the surroundings. Tetsuhiro nipped Souichi's bottom lip once more, earning a stifled gasp, before pulling back and releasing Souichi's head from its hold.

When his own breathing had calmed, reality came in droves and his anxiety from before was intense in its power. He wondered if he should back off or give Souichi room or something.

Souichi pinked at the attention that was on him, his lips enticingly redder than usual and ran a shaky hand through his hair, looking thrown for a loop.

"That was two. Idiot."

And there was something in his tone that sent relief crawling down Tetsuhiro's spine so fast it was like an adrenaline rush. He breathed out slowly, smiling, and laughed.

Souichi's head shot up, watching in bewilderment but he wasn't moving. And most importantly, as Tetsuhiro's laughter filled the space around them, he wasn't leaving.

* * *

It was odd to be so pleased and so regretful about the same thing. Because although it had been nothing short of beautiful and the feel of Souichi underneath his touch was permanently printed on his fingertips, he ached for more. More of the same kisses, more of the hot breaths mingling with his own, more of _Souichi_.

They fueled his thoughts for weeks and months and occupied his thoughts as bad as an obsession.

He had swore to himself that he would never go back to the place he was in the summer's that Souichi had avoided him. He didn't like the person he had been. He didn't like what that person did. He had used people he cared about and ignored ones he loved.

But when the pleasure eventually faded from Souichi's returned affections, he worried far deeper than usual. Would it affect their relationship? Would he even return? Was he afraid Tetsuhiro would ask for another kiss?

He _wanted_ too badly. He knew Souichi cared about him and that made it somehow far worse. For it was impossible to pursue him, to convince him to give him a chance, that their friendship could progress even more than it already was.

He couldn't imagine himself with legs or hips or feet or ghastly little toes. But he could clearly see his arms wrapped around Souichi's middle with his chin resting on his shoulder and for once being at the same level. He wanted whatever could bring them closer together.

He wanted the impossible.

* * *

His niece was never named. She had been a weak little thing. Much, _much_ too frail. He had held her for a few moments, remembering how thin and transparent her skin was. Her tail would have been blue like his own.

She died in the early hours of a warm day in November.

His brother never lost face but in this instance, with his mate clinging to him as if she were drowning, he crumpled. And maybe it was obvious they didn't love each other. But he was sure they cared.

He would never fully forgive Kunihiro for the words that he spewed at Masaki, but at least he could look at him now with a shred of respect, that he could look at the man that was his brother and not a boy trying to live in his father's image.

* * *

Hiroto insisted on being with him when he finally went to visit Masaki but he was adamant in his decision to go alone. He appreciated his friends concern but it felt like something he had to face on his own without Hiroto glaring in the background.

Masaki hadn't known he was coming so when he rounded the bend to his cave, Masaki froze with fear.

"Tetsuhiro…" He croaked out, dropping the food he had collected in surprise.

But he ignored the shock, shaking his head in what he hoped was comforting, and went to place a hand on his shoulder. He hated that Masaki tracked his hands movement so avidly, like he was afraid he'd strike him. He wasn't his father dammit.

"I forgive you, Masaki," he said firmly and the shoulder he held flinched like that was the last thing he expected. "I have for awhile I just couldn't…couldn't see you just yet."

And it was like he had given Masaki the gift of a lifetime with how relieved and grateful he looked, his shoulders slumping. A hand covered his own after a brief moment of hesitation.

"You are too good, Tetsuhiro. You always were. I mean, even when you were a kid I could see it and you didn't deserve any of this. I am so, so sorry."

Tetsuhiro couldn't help but blush at the sentiment, with how honest it sounded and immediately felt guilt. He couldn't remember _not_ feeling the weight of guilt anymore, it was exhausting.

"I'm not as good as you might think." He started, taking in some water deeply before finding the words to finish. "I…our relationship was wonderful Masaki. It was and I don't regret it and I care about you. But…"

Masaki had damaged him, that was true, but Tetsuhiro never wanted to intentionally hurt anyone and that was what it felt like he was doing. So he stopped before the words could form.

"Who is he?" Masaki asked and Tetsuhiro gaped.

_Huh?_

Masaki even went so far as to lightly smirk at his reaction. "I had suspected for a while actually. I know what it looks like when someone is in love and I saw it in you. Just not for me."

If there was ever any doubt that he had fully forgiven Masaki, it was the sadness in his tone, the regret and heartache over their relationship ending. Though they had been each other's distractions, there _was_ love there.

"Masaki…" He sighed but the other shook his head with a small smile.

"What's his name?"

"Souichi." Tetsuhiro said at once, almost embarrassed with how tenderly it came out.

Masaki nodded. "And he's a good person?"

"Yes. The best."

"He won't hurt you?"

Tetsuhiro rolled his eyes upwards, his lips twisting thoughtfully.

"Oh, undoubtedly." He answered, earning him a frown. It was the truth; Souichi was making him ache with his mere existence, it was just something he had come to terms with.

Masaki searched his face for a while longer and eventually seemed to find what he was looking for as he tugged Tetsuhiro's hand in his own, leading them towards his home.

"Come on, I've got some crab we can eat."

Tetsuhiro happily followed, spending the afternoon with a friend was just what he needed.

* * *

_July 2008_

The day before he would turn 18 and the morning he had planned to visit Souichi for the first time that summer, Rosalie came to see him. It could not have been a more inconvenient time but there she was, awaiting him just outside the kelp he slept in.

She acknowledged him with a quiet smile and almost instantly moved forward to take his hands into hers. Her fingers were skinny and had an elegance about them as they wrapped around his own. She really was beautiful, with dark brown hair that seemed to curl around them, white tattoos swirling up from her belly, and a light green tail that complimented his own. He tried to imagine them together. He hopedthat they'd find a way to make it work and that she could be happy with a loveless bonding. Most of all, he hoped he could believe it himself.

"We have much to discuss." She said gently as the approaching figures of what he assumed were her parents drew near.

He was now quite used to others gawking at his shortened hair so he stared back unabashedly as their eyes flicked upwards briefly and back down in an air of politeness.

"Yes," her father drawled. "We must get started with the preparations."

Daylight wasted rapidly and it wasn't until well into the night that he was excused. It was far too late to make his way to the shore but it was just as well because his cheerful mood had all but dissipated. It was too real now: Rosalie was to be his future mate and there wasn't anything he could do about it.

He wondered, with an ache, if this is how his mother had felt.

Caged, alone, and trapped.

* * *

He had to bite his lip to try and quell the tears that tried to escape his eyes as he rose up from the water the next day. Souichi lay quite still on his stomach, his long hair arranged around him, fingers in the lightly lapping water. Nostalgia and sorrow warred inside him as the harsh truth set in: this was the last time they could really do this.

Souichi wasn't just the love of his life. He had been his companion for seven years and much more importantly, he had been a friend.

And with his future bonding so close, he knew they couldn't really see each other as often anymore. It would be too suspicious. He'd have children soon and it wasn't fair to them.

He couldn't even find the energy to feel nervous about their reunion after what had transpired the last time. If Souichi felt awkwardly enough about their kiss, he wouldn't have shown up. Souichi didn't do anything he didn't want to do.

Tetsuhiro approached slowly while taking in as much as he could to remember this.

_Gurgling water, sea foam, and vanilla, _his mind supplied. _Muddled sky, sand, and damp fingertips._

Souichi lifted his head as he no doubt sensed Tetsuhiro's arrival.

_Amber eyes_

"Thought you wouldn't show," Souichi grumbled as he rubbed at his eyes, clearly struggling against sleep.

Tetsuhiro couldn't answer even if he wanted to for his throat had closed up and he was sure no words were going to be able to break through. So he shrugged in what he hoped was apologetic and sat in his usual spot, gazing out into the blue of the ocean.

Souichi dropped down next to him with his feet bare and legs kicking just a little.

And he wanted to talk, truly he did, he wanted to commit as much as he could to memory. After this summer, he would belong to another and seeing Souichi just wouldn't work.

"I can't see you anymore." Tetsuhiro bit out, heaving in a shaky breath and feeling those treacherous tears threatening to fall again.

Souichi didn't shout, he didn't seem to react at all. "Because you're getting married." He stated, outwardly calm.

"We're supposed to spend most of our time with our new mate once we're bonded. She'd notice if I…if I disappeared for weeks at a time." Tetsuhiro explained, his throat tight and uncomfortable. Saying the words made it even more real. Souichi didn't move to acknowledge what he had said but he did become far more interested in his kicking legs. They froze a moment later.

"Was that…your tail…was that always there?" Souichi asked too loudly for the quietness that had naturally settled around them. Tetsuhiro blinked, confused, before joining Souichi in looking at this tail. They watched in bewilderment as the blue of Tetsuhiro's tail began to transform, to take on a golden finish, his fins nearly metallic as the color worked its way upwards over the hard ridges and edges. It was such a strange and surreal experience to watch the tail he had known for 18 years take on another color, another appearance. He had to admit it was a stunning sight, shining even more so in the sun with the added golden tint.

"It means I've entered my 18th year." Tetsuhiro enlightened softly, lifting his fin out so they could both observe the difference. Souichi sat stock still beside him.

"Happy Birthday." He replied quietly, watching as the fin in front of him waved from side to side.

Tetsuhiro's throat welled up with emotion. It felt so final.

They made it to the end of the day with barely any words spoken between them. Of course the last summer they could spend together was being cut short with Souichi's university responsibilities.

Tetsuhiro let his head fall to the side where he lay flat against the rock so Souichi's sharp profile was all he could see. The angles of his face were deep and soft all at once and he was sure he could bathe in the blonde locks that lightly touched his bicep.

"Souichi," he inquired as softly as he could. It had been so quiet for so long and the word felt intrusive in the silence. Souichi hesitated before turning his head as well so they were inches apart. Tetsuhiro leaned forward so their foreheads gently bumped together, earning a startled gasp from the other.

It was warm where their bodies connected.

"Thank you," he said and he hoped Souichi understood.

Souichi shut his eyes in response.

"You too."

8 years flicked before his eyes and he couldn't think of a better way to end this.

* * *

Tetsuhiro had planned to leave many things behind him in that cove.

He was leaving a discovery.

His childhood.

His escape.

The love of his life.

What he hadn't planned on leaving was now glistening in the jagged moonlight and fighting to stay put in a light breeze. It was heavy and blue and tinted slightly with gold.

A scale.

* * *

_**Author's Notes:**__ Cliffhanger? Well not really, it may not make sense right now but it will don't worry. I have to warn everyone that I'm leaving for a month in a few days on vacation so the next chapter won't be out until the end of August._

_ALSO: I have an AO3 account, I'll put this up there too. The formatting is astronomically better than this site so if you want to read it there instead..._

_**Username:**__ Orchideous (cuz I can't put links foooor some reason)_

_Please review, let me know if you like the idea so far!_

_Javajunkie xxx_


	2. Chapter 2

I don't wanna be an island

I just wanna feel alive and

Get to see your face again

Just my echo, my shadow

You're my only friend

-Jason Walker, _Echo_

* * *

**Scales**

The first session was three weeks after his mother's death.

He was 12: the tail end of childhood and just shy of becoming a teenager. This meant he was given the blue grief binder which was laminated and dotted with little cloud stickers.

His therapist had those kinds of nails that looked more like claws than anything and they would tap the hard cover of the binder, encouraging him to flick through.

He only did so when she began insisted on asking him how he _felt_ or if he wanted to _talk_. The first entry was a guide to making worry beads.

He slammed it shut.

The claws clicked on the clipboard this time.

His mom had had normal fingernails.

* * *

He managed to hide long enough in the attic to miss the next three appointments. His dad was too tall to weave around the boxes that decorated the tiny space so he knew he was safe.

Some days he could hear pacing just below him, grumbling that they were _not_ missing another session. Others he almost gave in when familiar sniffling echoed throughout the room. He would clamp his hands down over his ears on those days, hard.

At dinner, after another successful hide away, his dad bent down to his level as Tomoe and Kanako stuffed themselves with food. His plate remained untouched. He wasn't very hungry these days.

"Your mom would be upset that you kept hiding, son. She wanted you to be happy."

He wasn't sure whether his dad was trying to hurt him but it worked either way.

He went to therapy and stopped hiding. But his dad had lied because it didn't hurt any less and he certainly wasn't any happier.

* * *

"How about a journal, Souichi?" His therapist suggested halfway through another fairly silent session.

He nodded in defeat because at least it was better than _worry beads_ and _mad boxes_ and _drawing_.

She left the room and when she returned, handed him a blue notebook.

"If you write down how you feel every day, it will help. I promise. Use it this weekend."

He pretended to be interested in the journal while his dad and his therapist discussed him a few feet away. It was a boring, blue book with empty pages and a squeaky bind. Nothing special. But when they got into the car to drive home, his dad smiled for the first time in what felt like years.

So he kept it.

* * *

The funeral was going to be by the ocean which he really didn't understand.

It had been her favorite spot but…seriously?

He had no desire to go near that thing again. _Ever _again_._ But the arrangements were solidified and he dutifully packed his duffle bag.

The journal sat on his bedside table, blank.

* * *

It was just too many people at once, too many numbing condolences and soft hugs and pity.

And after a while it became stifling so when his great aunt, all sobbing and tears, clutched his upper body in a vice, he shoved at her.

She looked surprised and mildly offended but she didn't understand; his lungs were suddenly three sizes too small. He could hear his dad asking him a question, an uncle gripping his shoulder, and he still couldn't _breathe_.

He was so sure the oxygen couldn't reach and sustain his muscles but he ran, tearing out of the church and leaving behind the unbearable feeling of being boxed in. It wasn't the warmest of nights but the cool air opened his lungs and he felt hot tears burning behind his eyes in relief.

He wondered if it was by instinct that he ended up by the water.

Adrenaline forced a scream into the night and he kicked at a curved rock nearby until his new shoes were scuffed and utterly ruined.

He dropped to the ocean's edge, allowing his sobs to echo around him and out into the expanse of endless water.

In the end, he draped himself out so only the tips of fingers were hanging over the edge. If he concentrated, he could feel his mom through the water.

'Give me a sign mom, please,' he thought anxiously. He had no idea what he was asking for, a sign for what? All he knew was he needed a connection, anything to feel closer. Closure. _Something_.

There was a splash and his head snapped up. For the briefest of moments, he was sure he imagined meeting an equally astonished pair of eyes.

He stood up without thought, wanting to be in a position to escape if need be. There was someone _watching_ him, after all.

"Hey! You!" He shouted when he at last found his voice. After a few long seconds, a dark head, two wide eyes, and a nose bobbed back up from the inky water. It was a boy.

Unease churned his stomach. There was something about the green eyes flicking between his, something he couldn't identify.

"Who are you?" He demanded heatedly as the tracks of tears were wiped away. When there was no response, he grew irrationally angry at just about everything. His mom was gone, he felt alone, he was allowed to cry, and some moron was just watching him do it.

"Well?"

And then his anger disappeared. Two hands smaller than his own were placed before his feet and used to raise his upper body up and he let out a gasp.

"You're a…"

He didn't finish the thought because saying it aloud would have sounded ridiculous and childish. But the proof was right in front of him, a curious head tilt confirming he wasn't the only one astonished.

"Tetsuhiro," is what the boy chose to say.

"What?"

"Tetsuhiro."

* * *

He lay awake that night, listening to the muffled television in the living room of their vacation home and watching the moonlight brighten his ceiling. Intertwined with the sorrow that seemed melded to his heart was a tentative voice, two wide eyes, and a deep blue tail.

Had he hallucinated the entire thing? He was upset after all and he _had_ asked for a sign. It was only logical.

He frowned up at the shadows dancing above him.

'I have to investigate this further. For science, if nothing else,' he concluded. Because really; if he hadn't suddenly gone mad and dreamed the entire thing up, this was the greatest discovery…_ever_.

* * *

'For science,' he thought, determinedly trying to find his way to the cove from the day before. It took much of the morning because he had had no sleep whatsoever, little food, and it was dark the last time he was out here.

But when he found it, the light of the morning and his clearer head made him jolt in surprise more so than the previous day.

Because the boy…_Tetsuhiro_, his mind supplied…was lying out in the open, seemingly napping. And though it had been difficult to see the night before, his tail was still that deep blue color he remembered and glistened in the early sun. He idly wondered how long he could stay out of the water for or how he was even breathing air.

But those weren't the things he asked when he announced his presence, startling the merman into the water once more.

"Scared?" He snorted as the other boy flushed a deep pink and tried to right himself again.

"No." Tetsuhiro replied grumpily and if Souichi hadn't been amused before, he certainly was now. Because not only did he speak like someone from an old movie, all proper and devoid of slang, but he grew embarrassed so easily.

When Tetsuhiro grew offended by the insinuation he was cold as a fish and placed Souichi's hand to his chest, his eyes widened and he felt his face heat up.

"That's weird," he grumbled even though it wasn't really. Tetsuhiro didn't seem like a fish or something that belonged at the bottom of the ocean; if anything, he was more human than most people he knew.

As he walked home that night, he couldn't really find the energy to chastise himself for not asking the questions he thought he should have. Like, how many other people Tetsuhiro had met or what he considered to be his home.

Or why he was still willing to meet with Souichi.

However, he _had_ told him his name and in a way he supposed that was farther than any scientist, any _human_, had come.

"_What do they call you?"_

"_Souichi."_

* * *

But three days passed in the blink of an eye and with his grandmother convinced the four of them needed to stick close to each other in the coming weeks, he wasn't really allowed out of the house. Which was fine for awhile until the air in the house steadily became heavier. He was beginning to believe grief was a tangible thing, feeling its weight persistently.

As those days went by, their family steadily dwindled out, leaving behind condolences and wilting flowers. His grandmother, fortunately, left well enough alone and caught a train home that very night. Souichi almost envied her because she got to leave all this behind, she didn't have to meet his father every morning and see his withered face staring back at him.

It was Tomoe who innocently suggested he missed Matsuda back home, their dad eying him with understanding and told them to pack for the next day. Souichi supposed he felt a little guilty about using the opportunity to slip away but he wasn't sure if they would be back for a very, very long time.

* * *

He blurted out the truth when he arrived at the cove: that they didn't live there, it was just a vacation home and they would be back. The Tetsuhiro he tried to commit to memory in those last few moments wasn't who he had met a few days ago. He looked withdrawn and saddened by Souichi's disappearance, like it actually made a difference that he wasn't going to be around.

"Well, see you next summer." He said quietly, realizing as he quickly walked back down the twisty, grassy path that he actually wanted to.

"Where do you keep running off to then?" His dad asked as he reached their house, going to place a hand on his son's shoulder as he passed. Souichi kept his head down and shrugged the hand off, getting into the car without complaint.

"We miss you, darling," he heard his dad whisper as he climbed into the driver's seat and buckled up.

Souichi silently agreed.

* * *

"Did you use the journal while you were away, Souichi?"

He nodded. The clicking nails halted in their usual tempo.

"That's wonderful! Was it helpful?"

He shrugged, the blue binder tilting a little in his lap as he jostled one leg up and down.

But the response seemed to be more she had hoped for because she immediately began scrawling something down on her clipboard.

Turns out his visits were being reduced to once a week. Maybe he should feel guilty about the journal hidden beneath his bed, unopened and unused.

He didn't.

* * *

Souichi quickly learned that masking his feelings was far easier and less annoying than the alternatives. When he let his emotions through or when his actions suggested he was still, rightfully, upset about his mom, even strangers would fall over themselves to tell him the one phrase he grew to absolutely loathe.

"It will get better, Souichi."

And how in the actual holy _hell_ did they figure that? His mother was _dead, _as in gone forever and as far as he was concerned there was nothing that anyone could do.

He was getting quite good at pretending. His therapist was satisfied, he was able to socialize with a few select friends again, and then…it actually _did_ get better.

There was a persistent ache in his chest, that much was true and it was his bedtime when he thought about her the most. But he could make it through the day without being reduced to an angry mess. He was able to think about things in the future rather than being so focused on the past.

It had taken almost a year but it honestly was getting better.

His dad, though, was another story. Souichi was now thirteen and far from stupid. He could clearly see what his younger siblings glossed over in their innocence and that was that his father was still broken. He'd see it in the way he pinched the bridge of his nose and sigh or the way his smile would waver and then drop alarmingly fast when he thought no one was looking.

But it was made startlingly obvious by the fact that they didn't go back to the ocean for two years. Not only was it technically his dad's job as a marine biologist to visit the ocean, but every summer since Souichi was 3 years old they would take a trip there for the summer. It was just a few weeks but it had always pleased his mother to be in her favorite place with her family.

It annoyed Souichi that he didn't even get a say in it. Because he…was still curious. Sometimes he'd get a random thrill when thinking about what he had discovered. It was like he knew a secret that the entire world was unaware of and that excited him.

And so he vowed he would convince his father to return to the shore that summer, though when planning how to go about it, he'd clench up with fright and put his mind to something else. He really, _really_ didn't want to upset his dad anymore than he already was. Souichi may be slowly moving forward in life, but it worried him that his dad hadn't budged.

* * *

He stared at the journal like it had offended him, glaring with daggers he usually reserved for Isogai, the moron he was forced to socialize with seeing as their parents were friends. He didn't want to use it but he was out of paper and his notebook was full. After a few more moments, crouched in front of his bed like a crazy person, he sighed and snatched at the book from underneath.

Flipping it open to the first page, he grabbed at the pen hanging from his lips and began the list.

When he was forced to stop due to the darkness of the room as the sun crept slowly lower, he would have gasped when he saw how much he had written if that wasn't totally girly. Four pages back to front with unanswered questions. With literally no way to get his answers and the thought making him itch, he waited until the weekend to pop the question.

"Dad?" He asked softly from his place at the couch. His dad was at the table, lazily going over a report from the latest voyage his team had taken. Souichi still wasn't sure how he was receiving paychecks each month with his inability to go near the ocean, he pinned it to the fact that he was just that good at what he did.

"Yea, son?"

"I was…wondering if we could…" he began, watching nervously as his dad peeked up from his case work with interest. Souichi was not a boy known to become tongue tied. "I want to go back to the beach house this summer." He had to force his eyes to stay open, knowing it was far easier to ignore the look on his father's face at the mere mention of the place.

But his dad had always been a surprising man. "It has been a while hasn't it?"

When Souichi nodded silently, a little thrown, his dad smiled gently. "You miss it, huh?"

The room was warm, of course Souichi couldn't help his blush. It was a normal, biological reaction.

* * *

"Ah, my three favorite sailors! As always welcome aboard the _Sin or Swim_."

Souichi winced, immediately regretting pulling out his headphones as a familiar maddening voice filled his ears and he eyed the boat before him with distaste. His dad wanted to spend some family time together before he went off on his first marine expedition in two years. Souichi could tell he was nervous with how quickly he had distributed the life jackets to his children.

"Think of that name all by yourself did you?" Souichi snorted as a way to ease the tension a little, ignoring the warning nudge in his side from his brother.

Isogai turned his smirk upon Souichi, tilting his head in faint amusement. Souichi, for probably the hundredth time, inwardly cursed their parents fated meeting some 10, 11 years ago. Isogai's father owned half the port and therefore owned a handful of boats, including the ones they rented out. Usually their collective parents would go off for a day to drift in the sun kissed sea while Souichi and his siblings were left to deal with the menace that was Isogai Taichirou. As it turned out, he still enjoyed torturing Souichi.

"I did, thank you Souichi-kun! Just for that gracious remark you can wear the captain's hat." Isogai reached up and proudly tapped the top of his hat twice.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't want it." Souichi crossed his arms, fingers itching to take the hat and fling it into the ocean.

Isogai pouted and shrugged. "Oh that's a pity. Well no matter, you can wear this."

Kanako giggled behind him and Tomoe suppressed a laugh as a pink bonnet was thrust in Souichi's face.

"Where the hell did you get that?" Souichi spluttered. Isogai stroked his fingers through the rather large peacock feather adorning it and sighed stupidly.

"From the past, my dear boy, from the past. Isn't it beautiful? Now be a good boy and put it on."

"Not on your life." Souichi backed away, wheeling Kanako around by the shoulders to stand in front of him instead.

"But Souichi-kun, it's tradition and a symbol of good luck." Isogai nodded, looking far too pleased with himself.

"You just made that up."

"I'd never do such a thing."

"Fine! I will wear the stupid hat." Souichi said with a clenched jaw, making a show towards the captain's hat and not the pink bombshell.

Isogai grinned wildly leaning over to hand him the hat. "Oh good. But you must ask nicely first."

Before Souichi could reach into his increasingly colorful vocabulary as his reddening cheeks would suggest, Kanako rolled her eyes and spoke up.

"Nii-san will never ask nicely Isogai-san. Can I wear it pretty please?" Isogai winked, stooped to her level, and placed the sailor's hat on her head.

Isogai clapped his hands together and opened his arms wide. "Now who's ready for some sailing of the high seas?"

Souichi refrained from rolling his eyes because he really couldn't afford _not_ to make this little journey.

And so when Isogai bounded onto the boat and tossed him a bright orange life jacket, he snapped it on without complaint.

* * *

It was around the fourth annoyingly exaggerated tale of Isogai's childhood that Souichi got up and stalked to the other end of the boat. He didn't care that there were no seats; it was much easier to avoid Isogai's voice.

Resting his forearms on the edge, he gazed out into the vast expanse of water. It was a clear day so the water was rather still, only gently rocking the boat while it sat idle. The sun made it so that it glistened back to him and if it caught the right angle he had to blink at the intensity. He could see what made it beautiful but it held no appeal to him anymore.

Souichi reached up and slipped off the band that held his long hair back from his face. He had made sure to pick up a red one that morning.

Glancing behind him to make sure no one was looking, he let the red hair tie fall through his fingers.

His task complete, Souichi dropped his head onto his elbows still perched on the edge of the rail. The red clashed violently with the blue of the water. He distantly heard Isogai announce their departure which was only confirmed when his forehead jostled against his elbows.

He closed his eyes once the red of the band disappeared from view, hoping it was enough.

* * *

It was as if no time had passed at all, the familiar grassy field turning to sand beneath his toes. And then suddenly his stomach twisted a little, like he was nervous. He shrugged it off as some lingering sea sickness from the boat trip and carried on.

When he came across the cove and saw it empty, he felt himself drain a little.

It had been only a day after all, had he expected too much?

He sat down with a sigh, his back leaning against one of the rocks closest to him and closed his eyes.

He waited.

Sure enough, as a cool breeze from the south wafted over him, he heard a splash and a gasp and it prompted him to open his eyes.

Apart from the length of his inky black hair, the merman hardly looked different. He was still wearing that dumb, in awe expression like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. It had always made Souichi a little uncomfortable to know how interested someone else was in him. Maybe that's why he kept coming back.

"You got it then?" Souichi asked suddenly because the silence was beginning to get to him. Tetsuhiro stared blankly and it wasn't until Souichi raised an eyebrow that his pale arm was lifted from the water.

Souichi's eyes widened fractionally. He was wearing _both_ of the hair ties. He felt heat work its way up his neck though it didn't quite reach his cheeks. He was a human and anything from him would be valuable, that's all. It's not like Tetsuhiro kept it as a memory or anything. He wondered if mermaids had anything akin to science too.

He felt the strangest urge to apologize when Tetsuhiro still hadn't said anything. It wasn't his fault his dad didn't want to come back. But Tetsuhiro understood, saying he had only been disappointed which made that heat on his neck go a little bit higher. This kid was so damn embarrassing sometimes and he didn't even try.

So he asked about his family for something to say, more so because it had been one of the top numbers on his list in the blue journal (though, Tetsuhiro was never going to know about that).

"_Five_ sisters?" He spluttered out in disbelief. Tetsuhiro nodded. Souichi knew he shouldn't feel good when the merman looked so rundown but the drama with his sisters, the fact that he wasn't some flawless creature made him become just a little bit more human. Souichi sort of took comfort in the fact that even though they were literally species apart they could share in this one thing: that their families weren't perfect.

Tetsuhiro had this way of looking really pitiable but strong at the same time, like he didn't want to come across as whiny even if he had ample reason to. Souichi knew the feeling too well.

But it was difficult to mask his emotions around this kid. He always said things that threw him off guard. Like the fact that Tetsuhiro had like, two friends even though he was too nice for his own good.

"Am I your friend Souichi?" He asked, because of course he would ask something like that straight up.

It suddenly made sense why he kept wanting to come back here so badly. And though he would never admit it to anyone else, Tetsuhiro was his friend. It wasn't just for the science then.

So he waved it off and then of course the moron had to go and force a laugh out of him. It felt good, that surprised kind of laugh that you can't stop. He supposed they were friends and he supposed he was okay with that.

* * *

It was a strange and surreal thing to explain what it was like to be human.

He was pleasantly surprised with how much Tetsuhiro wanted to know about the mechanics of walking, the biological factors that went into the movements. He believed at first that Tetsuhiro was merely nodding along and not actually processing anything but then he'd ask provoking questions and he _understood_. If he was a human, Souichi thought, he'd make a good scientist.

He realized he was curious and all but Tetsuhiro seemed to want to know _everything_. And it wasn't just humans in general but Souichi's life in particular, like genuinely interested. Tetsuhiro liked to know what his school was like but he was more interested if Souichi liked his teacher or what his favorite subject was. He would ask about types of food but perk up when Souichi described what _he_ liked to eat.

He was such an unremarkable human and yet Tetsuhiro looked at him like...he mattered. It was weird. And maybe, secretly, a little nice.

* * *

He woke up on the anniversary of his mother's death feeling cold, his sheets twisted around him.

'Must have been a nightmare', he concluded; they were usually more violent around this time of year. His dad greeted him with a quick glance, smiling sadly, and went back to his morning newspaper. Tomoe was in his room and Kanako out in the yard underneath the birch tree. The familiar stifling air was back and he had to leave. He wouldn't be missed.

* * *

Of course Tetsuhiro was fascinated with the camera, mouth open like a fish, when he showed him how it worked. And to be fair, it _was_ a pretty impressive feat of engineering, unlike the hair ties he was so fond of.

It turned out that Merfolk were just as prejudiced as humans, which disappointed Souichi a little.

Then, how was it that Tetsuhiro had met him if most of his kind hated humans? Had he just been curious?

He contemplated whether or not to tell Tetsuhiro that humans were the same and that his father was probably right in hating his kind with everything they did so selfishly. But the idiot was always so happy and he actually hated ruining the image for him as Tetsuhiro had involuntarily ruined his. So he stayed quiet, flicking through the pictures for him.

He was a fascinating thing to watch, like a child being shown a movie for the first time. His eyes were always really wide and really green, almost unnaturally so. His eyelashes and hair were long for a boy and he wondered if that was like a thing, a tradition or something to keep his hair that length.

Souichi didn't realize he was staring at the side of Tetsuhiro's head until his stupid bright eyes met his in surprise and he scowled to hide it. What was he _doing_, being a creeper and watching some 13 year old kid.

That was the other thing that bugged him about Tetsuhiro, that he always seemed to notice everything. It was probably his unnaturally huge eyes. Yep.

"It's alright to be upset, Souichi." He said because he was a concerned idiot.

Why was this kid who had known him a grand total of three weeks so interested and so perceptive about his damn life?

So he said, "Shut up," because that's what he did best, push people away.

"You don't have to tell me anything. But I am here if you need me," Tetsuhiro said, looking totally sure in his answer and not embarrassed whatsoever.

Even when he felt the urge to shrug off the offer, it _was_ different from when his therapist said it. Because he knew she didn't really care, she was paid to care. Tetsuhiro cared with no reward, though he still didn't understand why.

Then his phone alerted him to a text message which most certainly was from his dad. He felt a little guilty leaving them behind on this day when he said to come home and pack. It was obviously too much for his dad to handle.

But Tetsuhiro got this face like a kicked puppy and Souichi sort of hated that fact that he could make him look like that. Not someone who was so idiotically happy all the time, it looked wrong on his face.

So he took his picture and realized that he knew way too much about this kid's facial expressions for how long they had known each other. But he really didn't care when he twisted the camera around and showed Tetsuhiro a picture of his own face. Did they have mirrors underwater? Probably not.

He found he had missed making someone happy. So he made plans to meet again because he actually wanted to.

A note, they agreed on.

"I will miss you, Souichi," Tetsuhiro said and there was no doubt about the sincerity behind it.

His ears went a little pink because man this guy was the height of embarrassment.

He wasn't sure why he said it, maybe it was that particular day or the fact that he literally had no one else to talk to.

"I'll tell you eventually."

* * *

"How's school coming along, Souichi?" Claws asked him a week after his 16th birthday.

He gave his usual reply, that he liked science and math and wanted to work towards research. But the usual replies weren't really cutting it that much anymore, not like when he was younger. Now she seemed to want more, almost glaring at him with intensity, wanting him to tell her _more_.

'Well she wasn't getting anything', he thought, smirking in her general direction.

"What about friends? Do you have any?" She tried instead and he scowled. He knew she was trying to provoke him and annoy him into the truth but even if he was aware of it, he still felt angry at the suggestion.

"Of course I have friends, I'm not a loser."

She raised an eyebrow and he could swear that his response was exactly what she wanted. "There's no need to be so defensive, Souichi. Do you have a best friend?"

"What am I a girl?" He very nearly spit and hunched his shoulders though avoided crossing his arms because he wasn't being defensive, he wasn't. "Not…really."

"Close friends?"

"A few."

"More than one?"

"I said a _few_."

"I'm sensing your anger again." She clucked her tongue in disapproval but seemed quite happy to scribble on her clipboard. He resisted the urge to throw his arms up in the air and storm out but damn it if it wasn't difficult to stay in his seat.

"Well of course I'm angry, you're saying I'm a complete moron who doesn't know how to get along with people."

Claws stopped writing, tapping her pen to the paper. She looked up at him inquisitively.

"Do you talk to your friends about your feelings?"

Souichi was determined not to give her any more to work with. So far she was doing a pretty good job at needling things out of him and it pissed him off. He used to have the upper hand in this relationship, when did it stop? Was he getting weaker?

"No." He answered firmly.

"Why not?"

"They wouldn't…" Souichi began but the words were caught in his throat. What _had_ he wanted to say anyway? He wasn't entirely sure where that train of thought had even come from.

"Wouldn't…listen, perhaps? Think of you as weak?" She suggested and he cursed his anger as it bubbled over because he had jumped up before he realized what had happened.

"He wouldn't think I was weak!"

The silence that followed wasn't one that Souichi could appreciate; it only emphasized his thoughts and what he had just said. He couldn't even enjoy the mild surprise that had come over Claws' face. Soon enough, her features softened just a little, like she was genuinely pleased with the situation.

"He?" She tried softly. He didn't respond because he couldn't concentrate on anything but the frayed ends of his shoelaces. "This friend, Souichi. Would you be able to talk about your mother with him? Do you trust him with that?"

Souichi crossed his arms and hunched his shoulders, shutting himself off.

"I think our session is over."

* * *

He was moved schools for the fall semester at his therapist's suggestion. Leaving his so called friends behind took a grand total of ten minutes to get over as it did for them as well. The school he now attended was a longer distance from home but he actually liked it a lot better. The students weren't nearly as dumb as they had been and he liked being around older people. The classes he attended were mostly science orientated and he managed to meet a few people that didn't annoy the crap out of him. Then there was _Rikio_. Long story short, he was a complete idiot who had somehow wormed his way into his group of friends. He was obnoxiously loud and wasn't shy in expressing his opinion crudely and with the upmost disrespect. Always backed up by his three dumb cronies, he'd not so subtly whistle at any girls who would walk past or wave off teachers with a self indulgent smirk.

Souichi would love to tell him to fuck off.

And though he normally prided himself in staying above peer pressure, he was not going to gain an enemy his first year at his new school. Plus he really didn't want a report going home and adding stress to his dad. He already had enough on his plate.

So he put up with the fact that Rikio sat with them at lunchtime. He was even able to let it go that Rikio insisted on nicknaming him '_Books_' because apparently picking up one and actually reading it was enough to earn that title.

It was nearing winter break when Rikio finally got them all in trouble. Souichi was actually surprised it hadn't taken longer with how often he was in detention.

Rikio was a bully. He didn't bother being creative about it or slowly and intricately destroying one of his victims; he was far too lazy for that. He relied on his muscles and brawn and the fact that he was about a foot and a half taller than anyone in their year. Souichi was lucky he hadn't been one of his targets.

It was a brief recess before their next class and he was huddled underneath his winter coat, cold and ready to enter the heat of the classroom when he heard it. Rikio's obnoxiously clear voice rang out over the campus and he froze though it had nothing to do with the snow around him.

"Hey faggot! Could you have a gayer scarf if you tried?"

Souichi looked up, immediately finding the pink scarf Rikio was jeering at, his friends guffawing behind him. He'd seen the kid before in one of his chemistry classes. He was smart. Souichi frowned.

The kid, Hitoshi he thought, glanced up at the group and _fucking_ waved. He had to hand it to him, he had guts.

But it was like a bad movie you couldn't look away from as Rikio's face distorted into an ugly sneer and they descended on the guy.

He hadn't even realized he'd moved until the pink scarf that had been ripped from Hitoshi's throat was in the snow in front of him and Rikio's nasty expression was too close.

"Come on, books. Help us out here, teach this queer a lesson."

It would have been pretty easy to throw a kick in there and Rikio would be satisfied.

But one look at Hiroshi's battered lip and weirdly bright eyes made him blink rapidly and he had to shake his head. Jesus, what would his mom think of him even considering this?

He felt like a freaking coward when it was a teacher that had to break them up, pointing at anyone close enough with a threatening finger and telling them they'd all get detention for a month. But he didn't care because when another teacher joined and they both helped Hiroshi inside, he received the most pitying gaze he'd ever gotten in his life.

He thought it was lucky that Rikio was already recounting his victory with his friends a few feet away and didn't hear what he heard.

"Thanks for the help, man."

Wow, his mom would have been _so_ proud.

* * *

He thought that would be the end of it but Rikio was weirdly obsessed with deducing who he thought was gay or not.

"Total queer," he would mock in Souichi's ear as they made their way to lunch.

"He was checking me out earlier, did you notice?" Was what he heard after they'd changed in the locker room.

"I bet he'd suck the teacher off for a better grade," during their biology class, gesturing to a kid in the front row who was slouched in his chair after getting a question wrong.

And frankly, Souichi was so tired of it. He'd never respond so why did he keep bothering him so damn much?

It became clear after the last of their detentions. Souichi had stayed behind as most of the rest of them were leaving the library to check out a book he wanted to read. He was sliding his finger along a row of books in a more deserted section, getting closer and closer to the right author when he realized it was two rows up.

'Great', he thought, why wasn't he taller? And then there was a body pressed almost entirely against his back and he flinched so hard that he almost elbowed said person in the stomach.

"Hey, what do you think you're…" he began, outraged at the physical contact. When he turned, Rikio's breath was inches from his nose and he frowned even harder.

"Too short, books?" Rikio smirked and Souichi didn't like his stupid face any more up close.

"I didn't ask for help, asshole." He grumbled and let out an annoyed huff because Rikio was still too damn close and his gross dog breath was getting heavier. "Back off you bastard."

And though he spit it out in the sharpest tone he could muster, Rikio tilted his head like he was amused.

"What a mouth you have on you, books." Rikio's gaze darkened imperceptibly and they weren't focused on Souichi's own eyes anymore. He bit his bottom lip angrily, suddenly too aware of what situation he was in, wanting to snarl out and scream at him. But he wasn't strong enough to push away at Rikio's mass of a body and he wasn't desperate enough to actually cry out for help.

It was still a shock when the back of his head hit the bookshelf behind him with enough force to fucking hurt, and a mouth pressed too roughly to his own. All he could feel were teeth gnawing at his lips, trying to pry open his mouth, and that disgusting breath wafting over his face. And he just felt…filthy. He tried to shove him away but Rikio's hands were digging into his biceps to prevent his escape and he started feeling fear for the first time. He would not give him the satisfaction of yelling for help but Rikio's panting was getting heavier and he was making breathy noises and his body was pressed closer than before…and then there was a hand _touching_ him and he was glad for his body's instinct for once. His knee came up, hard, and Rikio was yelping in pain, falling backwards and away from him. He didn't give him a second glance, he ran.

Souichi would _not_ cry. He scrubbed angrily at his face, he felt so violated but he would _not_ cry.

When he made it home without encountering any of his family, he actually ripped a bit of his shirt in his desperation to get into the shower.

He couldn't tell the difference between the water and his tears and he liked that. For once, he actually agreed with Rikio's nasty words.

Homo's were disgusting.

* * *

He went back to school the very next day. Rikio was not getting the satisfaction of getting to him. He had half expected Rikio to have spread rumors about him or at least planned a mutiny with his friends or something. But when he ran out of places to avoid them, it was like nothing happened. Rikio was annoying as ever and barely cast an eye on Souichi for an entire week.

"You sick, Souichi? You haven't eaten anything." His friend Hiro asked at lunch one day.

He wasn't eating properly. He felt sick too often and Rikio's constant presence wasn't helping.

At this though, Rikio's attention was suddenly focused on him, his gaze intense like he was daring him to say anything.

Souichi nodded, feigning a headache and left the table as fast as he could without drawing too much attention. He made it halfway to the bathroom when he was roughly pushed against the wall in an empty corridor.

His body reacted violently at the familiar situation and he was suddenly not above screaming.

But a hand over his mouth stopped him and he narrowed his eyes when he confirmed who it was.

"You say anything, and I'll kill you. I will. Slowly. I'll etch _queer_ into your forehead with a knife."

Souichi went to bite the palm that lay dangerously close to his teeth but it moved away at the last second, only adding to his anger. Rikio made him so furious it made his vision blurry.

"Like I'd admit to having your disgusting mouth all over my face. _Queer_." Souichi spat as viciously as he could manage with his heart thumping in his ears.

A finger caressed the right side of his face briefly before Rikio was stepping back.

"Keep quiet, books."

* * *

It was just easier to hate an entire group of people than it was to hate an individual, it turned out. He couldn't look at Rikio without feeling his hands crawling all over his body or Hiroshi without seeing pink against white snow. It was irrational and unfair but he did it anyway. Gays were his enemies. It was unnatural and wrong. That was it.

At times he felt the words gasping for attention in the back of his throat but there was no one to listen. Well, there were technically, but there was no one he trusted enough to keep it under wraps. His dad would track down Rikio no doubt, his brother and therapist would tell his dad or the school, Kanako was far too young to hear that sort of thing, and none of his so called friends would believe him. And if they did, Rikio was too influential to make an enemy out of.

But there was someone, he thought, tracing a smudge on his window. He glanced at his bed, wondering how much dust the blue journal had collected.

* * *

He didn't reread the journal, feeling some lingering embarrassment at some of the questions he had written down. He still had questions, mind you, but that was what the internet was for.

The responses he found when he searched were so varied and some downright ridiculous that he couldn't help feeling smug that he knew something they never would.

He didn't have a job but he had saved up from birthdays so he didn't feel too ridiculous for spending some of it on a book about mermaid myths. That night, he clicked "Add to Cart" on his dad's computer and promptly erased the history.

The following Friday, while he was unplugging the speakers of his own laptop, a knock reverberated in his silent room. He cursed as the screw driver he held slipped and scratched his finger.

His father mumbled an apology before stepping further into his bedroom.

"Got your hands full, I see," Soujin commented, though Souichi thought it seemed a rather pointless thing to say. He managed to remove the useless modem with nimble fingers. The damn motherboard was acting up and he had spent the rest of his savings on a new one.

"This came for you," Soujin said, finally earning a reaction as he dropped the box he held onto Souichi's bed. Souichi eyed it with interest for a few moments before nodding and adjusting the light he shone on his desk.

"Thanks. Just a book I ordered," Souichi murmured, hoping that was vague enough that his dad didn't get interested. He liked to read and it wasn't an odd occurrence but still, he wasn't thrilled about the prospect of his dad finding out he'd ordered a book about mermaids.

Soujin nodded thoughtfully, plunging his hands deep into his pockets, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. This went on for a minute or so before Souichi could practically feel the anxiety. He sighed, annoyed, and removed his glasses to glare at the distraction.

"Did you need anything else?" He knew it was rather rude judging by the look he got but he was too busy. His eyebrows raised disdainfully as his dad chose to sit on his bed, posed to talk.

"Actually, yes. I hoped to speak to you. A heart to heart I suppose," Soujin said, rubbing his hands together.

"I really don't think that's necessary dad," Souichi mumbled setting aside the newly removed motherboard in favor of the replacement.

"I'm worried son. The past month or so you haven't…first it was detention and now it's like you can't get home fast enough after school," He said, Souichi winced. So now his dad was suddenly really perceptive.

"I'm fine."

"Did something happen?" Souichi clenched his jaw but remained silent, refusing to turn around. "You do have friends who can support you, right?"

Souichi slammed a palm down to the desk, rattling the parts laying there, and spun in his chair. His dad didn't look surprised and met his gaze evenly.

"I'm guessing you spoke to _her_." Souichi spat.

Soujin didn't bother denying it and opened his hands in a way he probably hoped was direct.

"We think you might need to start having sessions more regularly."

Souichi could feel a slight panic well up inside him; he was _not_ going to be subjected to that woman or any damn therapist who succeeded to only make him angrier. He wasn't good with anger, he couldn't control it and he would say things he didn't want to say.

"I have friends!" He exclaimed, throwing up his hands.

"Who?"

"Tetsuhiro." Souichi replied haughtily and without hesitation. He took pleasure in the look of surprise from his father. Damn right he had friends.

"You've never mentioned him before. Is he in your classes?"

Souichi wavered and he was certain that even his dad, across the room, could hear his nervous intake of breath.

"He…doesn't live here." He decided on whilst digging his toes into the carpet. Unfortunately his dad was more interested in Souichi's behavior and lightly smiled.

"How do you know him, then?"

"I met him." Souichi answered and then, realizing how girly that sounded, hastily added, "On vacation."

"Is that why you always seem to want to go to the beach so badly?" Soujin's smile widened and Souichi mentally slapped himself. Great, now his dad was going to know where he was going if and when they went back and that was just a recipe for disaster.

"Wha-No! Of course not." He grumbled, crossing his arms though it did nothing to phase his father. Soujin clapped his hands together, frowning a little.

"Well I wasn't planning on taking you guys up there this summer."

Souichi's eyes dropped to the packaged box beside his dad and scoffed, like the thought hadn't crossed his mind.

"Oh?" He replied shortly, because it was all he could think to say when the weight of disappointment was resting upon his shoulders. Ok, so he wanted to go back, big deal. He wasn't going to cry over it.

When he looked up, he was horrified to see his dad's shoulders shaking with silent laughter and automatically felt his cheeks flush.

"Souichi, son, you are not good at masking your emotions." Soujin coughed out through his laughter. But before Souichi could splutter or yell or whatever he was building up to dish out, his father reached into his pocket and threw a small object at his son. "Here."

Souichi caught it with one hand and looked at them incredulously. "What's this?"

"Keys. That's the key to the car and the other to the beach house. You don't have to take Tomoe and Kanako but I'd sure appreciate it."

Souichi tried his best not to gape but resisted, he was getting what he wanted after all.

He must have been in his own head for longer than he thought for his dad had almost exited the door when he came to. "And where will you be?" Souichi asked.

Soujin blinked twice before settling for a pained smile, one that sent Souichi back in time to a place he never wanted to be.

"I'll be here, drowning in research." Soujin tapped the wood of the door, and pinned his son with a telling stare. "I think we both know which of us is stronger, son."

* * *

It was a much quieter trip than previous years and Souichi almost missed the inane chatter his sister and father could come up with. Kanako had some summer camp thing and his dad, well, when they had left the kitchen table was overflowing with research packets. He almost wanted to tell him to take it easy and not strain himself but he would be the first to empathize; it was always easier to bury yourself in work.

This time it was just Tomoe with him, watching listlessly out the passenger window and listening to his music. They planned to stay for almost four weeks as opposed to the usual two because of Tomoe. He wanted to follow in their father's footsteps and learn more about the ocean. He was due to be trained on a boat by one of Isogai's buddies. Souichi had half a mind to check this guy out if Isogai said he was a good guy; that bastard could not be trusted.

* * *

It was easier than ever to walk along the shore, making sure he wasn't being followed, and arrive at the place that was so familiar to him now. He liked that it barely changed save for a growth of algae in the wrong place or a loose rock from the year before that crumbled into the waves. It was one of the only things in his life he could count on to stay the same.

He grabbed a few flat stones and skipped them across the placid water before picking a larger, heavier one and reaching into his pocket. With the note secured tightly underneath, he headed back the way he came.

* * *

Theoretically, 2 years was not a huge age gap and though it had been almost a sense of superiority when they were younger, the gap was closing in. Because Tetsuhiro had grown up and grown up fast in the time he had been away. His face used to be quite soft whereas now it was all sharp angles and his eyes, if possible, were brighter than before, more intense. Tetsuhiro had always been a being of contrast but it seemed to have been highlighted by his growth spurt; his skin very pale and eyes light while his hair a dark black. Even if Souichi had met him as a human, he would think there was almost something unnatural and inexplicable about him.

He would bicker with himself later for noticing the stupidest, tiny details about the merman and chose instead to explain the heavy book he held. He half expected Tetsuhiro to call it a waste of time or that it was a dumb idea. But as they settled in their normal, laid back positions, he realized that thought was a stupid one. Because Tetsuhiro easily slipped back blissfully into his own little world, always with a half smile on his face and a peaceful expression, looking at Souichi like he was someone important. Now _that_ was something that never grew old.

They continued with their game of sorts and it was like no time had passed with how quickly they eased into it. But things were different no matter how much Souichi wanted them to be the same. Like how Tetsuhiro's voice had lost its childlike squeak and had dropped about 2 octaves. Or when he'd look to him for an answer how he didn't have to look down anymore because Tetsuhiro had apparently shot up a foot.

Tetsuhiro's father was the leader of like 2 thousand Merfolk which was…pretty awesome. Practically royalty or something…bordering on Disney there, stop that train of thought. He remembered, though, that Tetsuhiro didn't like his family and he hated how guilty he felt when the body beside his tensed at the question.

So he asked about mating because, well, that's pretty scientific. No wait, he asked about _marriage _and then had to actually explain what it was.

"Like, you make a vow to someone else. To stay with them until one of you dies," He tried to explain but it was such a crappy description he wanted to take it back. "It's dumb, I'm never doing it."

Tetsuhiro did his confused head tilt.

"Why not?"

And maybe he didn't realize what a loaded question that was because he was like an alien pod person. So Souichi did what he always did, he bit out a laugh and answered as honestly as he could.

"As if there's anyone that could stick with me for the rest of my life."

Because it was true. He used to be under the impression that _he_ was the one who wouldn't want to be married. That it was _his_ choice. But even at 16, he was beginning to realize just how many people in his life actually cared. It wasn't many. And then maybe, just maybe, _he_ was the one that people didn't want. That no one would want to tolerate _him_.

Which hurt like hell to think about. And Tetsuhiro wasn't looking at him anymore, possibly agreeing with what he had said which for some reason hurt even more.

So he turned his attention back to the pages of the book, realizing he was clutching the sides with enough force to make it creak under pressure.

And then he learned that Tetsuhiro only had like 3-4 years left before he was married off. Which, by the sound of it, was some stupid tradition and completely unfair. But if he got a pretty one that wasn't so bad, right?

He tried to imagine it, Tetsuhiro having a wife and possibly children, having to protect them from…jellyfish or sharks or whatever. He almost couldn't and he didn't understand why until Tetsuhiro looked at him closely. It was because he was so _young _and though he acted more mature than most boys his age, he was still only 14. He felt angry for him, what asshole parents he had.

He kind of regretted the book now.

* * *

He stupidly thought that being completely by himself on the anniversary of his mom's death would be easier. Turns out it was just as hard, if not even more so.

He didn't come downstairs to his dad peering through a microscope or Kanako dancing around the kitchen with headphones crammed in her ears or Tomoe reading a book in the armchair just underneath the window with the best light. His brother had already left, his boating gear gone, and he almost envied him with being able to face people today. Not that he had never been with others on this particular day, he thought with an undeserved blush, but still…it was hard enough being alone.

And then freaking Claws had to worm her way into his mind as she did so well.

"_This friend, Souichi. Would you be able to talk about your mother with him? Do you trust him with that?"_

He pretended to think about it even with his gut reaction so determined to make his mind up for him. Tetsuhiro was his friend, he wasn't even denying that anymore, and he was different. Could he tell him this?

Again the answer was clear and simple but he stubbornly refused to believe he could handle the aftermath, the pity in those big green eyes being directed at _him_. He didn't want that.

So he decided not to tell him.

But Tetsuhiro being the complete idiot that he is, decided to weasel the truth out of him anyway.

* * *

"I don't swim," Souichi grumbled a few days later. Truthfully, he had the ability to swim he just didn't want to; especially not in that thing, that great colossus of water. He had gotten used to sitting by the ocean's edge in the summer but he'd be damned if he was getting in it. It was far too easy to imagine being dunked underneath by a strong wave and pulled to the bottom in a sudden current, the inky depths consuming him.

He coughed gingerly. He wished he didn't keep wondering what it was like when water began filling up your lungs. Probably hurt like a bitch.

Tetsuhiro had sunk down into the water when he turned his attention back to him, and was flipping his tail every which way sending droplets high in the air. Idiot. It really wasn't too difficult to find their cove, what if someone else saw?

"I know you can swim Souichi. Why won't you join me?" Tetsuhiro drawled, looking so at home in the water. And it did look inviting, to be honest. The sun was beating down on his fair skin, only partly hidden by his t shirt and shorts and it would be a relief. But he couldn't, he couldn't.

"Shut up. I said I don't want to." He snapped instead.

"But it's really _nice_ and cool." Tetsuhiro said coaxingly, only unfortunately adding to his annoyance. He didn't want to fucking go in that thing, he thought his friend was perceptive where in the hell did that go. "At least take your shirt off."

The stone was in his fingers before he knew it and he threw instinctively. His eyes blurred a little with the anger coursing through him and he aimed a little too far to the left. He hadn't meant to hit Tetsuhiro, he honestly hadn't. But in the moment he couldn't focus on that, couldn't see anything but the sun reflecting off the water and the heat rising from the stone beneath his feet.

When two stunned eyes met his, childlike astonishment bright in the flecked green, guilt became mingled with his already intense emotions. But anger was easier, he held onto it.

"I told you to shut the fuck up!" Souichi yelled, watching Tetsuhiro flinch. He kicked some of the rocks he had gathered from the morning he arrived. "Some friend you are." He spat, looking everywhere but at the person in the water.

He went to bed early that night when the sun had barely set behind the trees. It wasn't even the ocean that was pissing him off anymore; it was that it was so difficult to hold onto his anger. Tetsuhiro's hurt face kept coming into his thoughts and that was worse and he wondered when that had changed.

It just wasn't fair damn it. He was the one who was supposed to be upset. 'Tetsuhiro didn't know', his mind tried to rationalize. From the merman's perspective, he had merely been suggesting a swim with his friend.

Souichi winced. Of course then he had to accuse him of being a bad friend, wonderful.

He rolled over so he was facing the wall and clutched at the sheets around him. He had to tell someone. He had to tell him.

* * *

"My mother drowned," He began with the following day. Though he had rehearsed it many times while trying to fall asleep, it wasn't as difficult as he made it out to be.

And then he was able to utilize his anger, to direct it into what he was saying and it felt good to be able to do that again. So he said what he needed to and a little more than he wanted to. As it turned out, saying it to someone else wasn't as overrated as he had built up in his mind.

"You are the strongest person I know. You are not to blame and no one could have prevented that."

Which he knows of course, he's not completely stupid that he actually believes he could have done anything about it. He hadn't been invited on that boating trip and honestly he hadn't really cared to go. But Tetsuhiro's earnest face was so concerned and welcoming that he had to look away.

"You are strong, Souichi and I am honored to know you," he said and Souichi would be hard pressed to find any lie in his words. He hoped Tetsuhiro would understand when he left quickly afterwards because this whole, friendly concern was too new to him and the relief over telling someone too fresh that he had to leave. He needed to mull over things.

There was a quiet dinner with Tomoe and a quick phone call from his dad before he went to bed. The last thing he remembered before going to sleep was the fading red on Tetsuhiro's cheek.

* * *

It was beginning to get fairly difficult to just disappear for hours on end each day what with preparation for University and his summer school work. He couldn't just run off and forget about things anymore, there was always something hanging over his head and it sucked. But he made sure to make time, because though he had worried, Tetsuhiro didn't look at him any differently.

He still sat there and listened as Souichi grumbled about his schoolmates and his brother leaving his stupid marine equipment everywhere. Hiroto would sneak his way into one of Tetsuhiro's stories and sometimes he'd subconsciously snap one or both of the red bands circling his wrist. Souichi still resisted asking him about that because he wasn't sure he wanted the answer.

Pity though, pity was wonderfully absent from their relationship and that was more than alright.

Of course, it was just as Souichi was finishing up his schoolwork, as all the stress he was under was finally subsiding, and he grew warmer and happier that Tetsuhiro just had to drop the bomb.

There had already been something off about him that day but Souichi had kept silent. He didn't like it when someone would try to fix one of his issues when they weren't invited to.

"Souichi," Tetsuhiro finally said after more than ten minutes of the waves crashing around them. "Don't come out here at night alone."

And, come on, how could he not grow curious after _that_?

So he took to the, _The Observations and Explanations of Merfolk_, even though it was mostly bullshit and collecting dust right next to the blue journal beneath his bed. He hadn't actually read through the whole thing, just the bits he had gone over with Tetsuhiro. And since that had turned out to be a bust, he wasn't going to bring it back with him. But before getting rid of it, surely there was no harm to actually read what he had spent money on.

Or maybe remaining in ignorance was better.

Because the chapter entitled, "_A_ _Siren's Song_", proved to be far more informative than he really wanted.

He read in a stunned numbness that made his eyes flick too quickly between words and his heart thump desperately in his chest.

Because it was like, as he read, he could practically see the lies in the last four years. The reason he had even met Tetsuhiro was because…because he had been sent to _kill_ him. To drown him. And it was so the wrong time to think about it but why hadn't Tetsuhiro gone through with it? He didn't even try. If that had been the end of it, he probably would have stayed angry for a few hours and forgiven the idiot.

But not when he was so intimately entangled in his mother's death. His sisters had drowned her and Tetsuhiro had wanted to keep it from him. Like he was some child who couldn't handle the truth.

He stared down at the ripped pages in his fingers wondering when he had even gripped the paper and tore at them.

But he continued reading even if the rest was a bit of a blur. Tomoe came home in the evening and reminded him to eat dinner through the wood of his door. Several pages later, when he was forced to turn on the lamp beside him, he heard the sounds of luggage being rolled down the hallway. He read the last sentence as the clock on the bedside table reached 4:32 in the morning and the realization that he had about a million things to do for their departure the next day.

He didn't sleep, couldn't close his eyes without the image of his mother being dragged by an ankle, a wrist to the blackness of the sea floor, blue and pink and red mermaid tails forcing her downwards. And it fucking hurt. Because not only was his mother's death the cause of years of therapy, of bitterness and anger, but the only real friendship he had ever had.

* * *

He had never felt as lonely as he did when the clock struck 7 and he bolted for the door to make his way to the seashore. For the first time in years, he had no qualms about leaving the ocean behind and everything that went with it.

He had planned to say that to Tetsuhiro's face: that he wanted to leave and forget this place and especially him. But all he could manage was forcing the truth out of the merman and confirming what he already knew. What pissed him off the most was that the desperation in Tetsuhiro's eyes was so fucking clear and obvious and he shouldn't feel guilty in this situation. He shouldn't.

In the end, he threw the book, aiming this time so it splashed behind Tetsuhiro's head, and stalked home without a backwards glance.

Tomoe offered to drive home with a worried glance at his condition. He fell asleep to the warm hum of the engine and the image of the sea rolling behind them.

* * *

Under the copious amounts of studying, homework, chores, taking care of his siblings, and his new job at the supermarket, Souichi barely noticed the seasons changing let alone two years going by. He must have blinked and Kanako had shot up a half a foot. His dad's visits from his extended marine expedition every three months seemed to go by in a rush.

His last year at school was practically blissful as Rikio had graduated and moved out of town.

But that had always been the plan. Because staying distracted and keeping his mind occupied 24/7 was the only way he could think of that worked.

Worked to do what exactly? Well, it worked to keep him from thinking, he supposed. Thinking too deeply always seemed to bring him back to the water, to his mom, to friends, and lies.

And then his 18th birthday was suddenly mere weeks away. For once, he was actually looking forward to it because this was the one that _really_ mattered. It meant he would finally be free of the therapy he had been forced to sit through every other week since the incident and frankly, it could not come soon enough.

* * *

Claws eyed him almost suspiciously during their final meeting and he really didn't blame her. He answered all questions without hesitation or complaint, a leg bouncing happily throughout the session.

There were five minutes left before he knew it and the image of the front desk put him in an almost chipper mood.

And then, Claws removed her reading glasses and set aside her clipboard. She didn't look frustrated or angry or even disappointed but she regarded him resolutely. "This isn't what I originally wanted to be you know. A grief counselor for children wasn't what I had ever aspired to be."

Souichi's leg jolted to a halt and he blinked rapidly. He'd never thought he'd ever be surprised with what came out of Claws' mouth but she'd just managed to do so.

"Okay." He replied slowly, not really understanding why she wanted to have this conversation _now_. Four minutes and counting.

"Personally, sleep studies was what interested me in university. I mean what people do subconsciously, when they let their minds speak, now _that_ is fascinating." She folded her hands in her lap and glanced out of the window. "I was walking to a lecture when I got the phone call. It was my dad and he never called unless it was really important. But I let it go to voicemail because I was already late for class and two weeks away from graduating."

Souichi hoped she knew that the moment that clock struck 2 he was out of here. 3 minutes.

"Turns out my mom had been struck by a car crossing the road. She'd been in critical condition for hours at the hospital near our home and I was too busy to be there." She looked at him then and he felt something cross between them; a connection of sorts and suddenly the clock was the farthest thing from his mind.

"When I finally arrived, the first person I saw was my little sister, Kim. She was 14 at the time but when she looked at me, god, she seemed so much older. She'd seen our mother die, had held her hand as she slipped away. And no matter how much I tried to get her to talk in the coming weeks, none of it mattered."

"I couldn't get through to her, none of us could. She committed suicide three months after my mom's death by hanging herself." He could feel his eyes widening and his chest felt a little too tight. When he looked up a few moments later, she shook her head slowly. "I don't do this for the money, Souichi, or because I ever really wanted to. I do this so I don't have to watch another child be so consumed by grief they feel the need to take their own life. And I can safely say I _have_ helped. I've watched near a hundred children walk in and out of that door looking for someone not to say, it'll get better, but to ask _how_ to make it better. And do you know what they say almost 100% of the time?"

Souichi could do nothing but shake his head.

"I don't want to feel alone anymore." She said. "Souichi, you were always a special case. I don't know if you can remember, but trying to get through to you, even as a 12 year old child was like pulling teeth. And then one day, it hit me why nothing I said seemed to make the least bit of difference. Because there was already someone in your life that made it better to deal with the grief."

Souichi dropped his eyes to the floor.

"It became clearer that no matter how much you wanted it to be, it wasn't your dad. Or your brother or sister. If you take away anything from these sessions Souichi, it should be this: that life is too short to waste staying cooped up and angry at _anything _whether it be someone or a situation. And this person that you were able to open up to, that relationship Souichi, is worth more than someone as young as you can comprehend."

With this she stood, smoothed out her skirt, and smiled the most genuine he had seen on her face.

"And that concludes our session. Have a good day, Souichi."

He still went up to the front desk afterwards, even if a little shell shocked, and requested to cancel his sessions.

Because she was right; he had never really felt the need for a therapist when he already had someone he trusted. It took all of the fifteen minutes between the office and home to decide he was ready to go back. And hopefully, he thought while sending out the last of his university applications, the trip wouldn't be for nothing.

* * *

Of course Tetsuhiro didn't disappoint.

"Why did you lie to me?" He demanded, startling Tetsuhiro with his sudden appearance. His bluntness was rehearsed, of course, there was no room in this conversation for drivel and wasted time. He just wanted this situation to end.

Souichi made the mistake of looking at the merman too closely and couldn't unsee the pure desperation in the eyes that stared back at him.

Then their current position became all too clear. Tetsuhiro had been here when he arrived which meant this wasn't the only time he had sat here, waiting for him to show. 'Years,' his mind supplied. It had been _years_.

"I didn't know. And when I did find out I thought you'd hate me." Was Tetsuhiro's feeble response. He wasn't lying, Souichi acknowledged a little shockingly. Tetsuhiro was actually under the impression that Souichi hated him. His absence over the past two years would have just confirmed it but Tetsuhiro was here, he had obviously been waiting for him.

Souichi was not an egotistical person, not really. He had enough proof in his life that people were far from attracted to his personality or cared for him at all. But as he dropped to the ground, ignoring Tetsuhiro's familiar profile, he wondered just how important he was to this person. The thought really should have scared him or made him revaluate their friendship but he found defining it wasn't going to help at all.

"Just shut up. I don't hate you."

Because it was true, he had never hated Tetsuhiro. Tetsuhiro just had the extreme misfortune of not only having to deal with him as a friend, but having the inane ability to get under his skin.

For the briefest of moments, he wanted to fill the silence that engulfed them. It had been two years, after all. There must be so much to catch up on, so much to discuss and rediscover.

Souichi turned his head to the side conspicuously so as not to attract attention. Tetsuhiro had grown up and not in the way he had ever expected. He looked a little too tired and there was something adult about the way he gazed out into the ocean, thoughtfully and astute. His eyes, though he could only catch the sides of them, held a past, stories and experiences that Souichi wasn't privy too anymore. He had resigned himself to the fact that he would never know everything about his friend and he had always been alright with that. But he couldn't help feeling that the exhaust in Tetsuhiro's face was partially his fault.

Souichi wouldn't consider himself a coward by any stretch of the imagination, but his heart thumped a little too loudly when he felt the urge to ask Tetsuhiro about what had happened, forcing him to hold back. Besides, Tetsuhiro seemed content enough to just sit there, copying Souichi's actions in looking out into the water. He'd never really felt such a strong urge to know what another person was thinking.

"I'll never forgive you for being taller than me." Souichi grumbled as the sun began to fill the sky with pinks and yellows. He didn't have to look at Tetsuhiro to know the comment made him smile but he did anyway just to remember what it looked like.

* * *

He'd been dozing in the cove, growing bored of waiting and watching the ocean for signs of life. He sensed rather than heard Tetsuhiro, a heavy presence near him which prompted him to leave the lull of sleep and open his eyes.

Tetsuhiro's face focused slowly but one feature was startlingly clear in the afternoon light. It was like he was watching his body through someone else's eyes because suddenly skin was beneath his fingers as they traced the outline of a purpling bruise on his face.

"Who did this?" He demanded, his sleepy mind absolutely appalled that anyone could throw a punch at Tetsuhiro's face.

"My father," he answered quietly, so quietly Souichi could barely hear him. Souichi frowned up at him, still content to rest on his back as the familiar face of his friend shielded him from the sun. When had his hair been chopped off? It suited him.

"What an asshole." He said with conviction because it was true. He couldn't imagine his own father ever raising a hand to him and at times he thought he actually deserved it. Tetsuhiro must be the perfect child and yet his family abused him. Anger for his friend was all he felt as his index finger drifted nearer the green of his eye and fall away.

Something flit across Tetsuhiro's face, though Souichi didn't bother placing it. It wasn't something he'd seen before.

* * *

Tetsuhiro turned up one day looking like hell. No but honestly, Souichi had never seen the merman look so depressed and it actually scared him a little. So he stole away home, thankful for once that Tomoe was spending dinner at Isogai's, and rummaged the kitchen for the rum he knew his dad had. When he returned, Tetsuhiro was slumped over the side of the rock. Souichi thrust the bottle at his face and then had to demonstrate taking a drink.

Souichi hadn't been a particularly rebellious teenager but he had had a few drinks before and knew alcohol didn't bode too well with his body. He figured the first time he'd get completely drunk off his ass couldn't have been with a safer person as he watched Tetsuhiro gulp down the rum with a pinched face. Or so he had thought.

The bottle grew lighter at an alarming rate as Tetsuhiro seemed to finally understand why he had suggested drinking it in the first place. They ended up flat against the rock, laughing at the stupidest little thing, and it felt good to do that again.

It was a warm night and he was happy and sated. But the damn ocean wouldn't shut up with its crashing waves and lapping water and he urgently missed being able to swim in it.

"Teach me idiot," he whined into the wet air after stubbing his toes into Tetsuhiro's side one too many times.

"I'm not a teacher," Tetsuhiro drawled and Souichi frowned at the slowness in his friend's voice. He wondered if the rum was helping him, he didn't sound upset anymore after all. Maybe he _could_ do something right as a friend.

"Wanna swim. Stupid water," Souichi grumbled while the words tripped over his heavy tongue a minute or so later. He couldn't explain why it suddenly felt important to, once again, be able to drift above the seabed and the smell the salt water. It was a strong enough urge so he gave into the alcohol coursing through his system and imagined what it would be like.

Floating would be nice. In fact, he felt like he _was_ floating even if the rock stayed stationary beneath his back.

Heavy and warm. The twinkle of stars disappearing behind his eyelids. The air sharp and unmistakable.

There was a gradual pressure about his mouth, his lips to be exact and he would have started if it wasn't so warm. Soft too, sort of like when he'd press a rose to his nose and touch his lips in the process. He may or may not have made a noise, a contented hum of sorts, before his own lips echoed the movement for a moment.

_Warm. _

Then the pressure disappeared and he turned his head to the side, in a position more comfortable to sleep in and drifted.

* * *

Sunlight forced his eyes to open far sooner than he wanted and Tetsuhiro's face was all he could see as they tried to focus.

He realized he'd never seen his friend sleeping before. He looked almost childish, innocent in the soft light that bathed them both. It took him more than a few minutes to decide where he was and why he was there but the fact that Tetsuhiro lay so close didn't faze him. Souichi shifted his legs, his knee bumping Tetsuhiro's and paused when he saw the bottle. It came to him in a rush.

Tetsuhiro had been upset, Souichi shared a drink with him…_warm_? Why was that so important?

Tetsuhiro moaned softly in his sleep, head turning away from the sun that no doubt wanted him to open his eyes as well. Souichi's eyes narrowed in on his friends' mouth and he suddenly couldn't breathe.

He scooted backwards where he sat, almost falling in his haste to move away.

No, he wouldn't. Tetsuhiro wouldn't do that, he wouldn't do that to Souichi. It must have been a dream.

But what kind of messed up dream was it that he dreamed his best friend had waited until he fell asleep to ki-

A hand went up to his lips automatically.

He blinked rapidly as he stood, finding it quite difficult as a headache erupted near his forehead, and swayed violently for a few moments. He heard the clang of the bottle as he accidentally hit it with his foot and it slid into the water. Tetsuhiro remained blissfully asleep.

Souichi ran.

* * *

By the time he reached home, he was so out of breath he couldn't see straight and the headache from before making him want to purge his stomach of whatever was left in it.

But he didn't make it too far; he dropped limply to the couch in the living room, allowing it to take his weight.

Tetsuhiro had…he'd…

He wasn't some pathetic romantic who believed his first kiss or sexual experience was some sort of sacred rite. Honestly, he hadn't been that hung up on it during his teenage years, especially since Rikio happened.

His stomach churned violently and he was forced to the bathroom. The sound of his vomiting woke his brother who appeared at his side and worriedly rubbed his back as he continued. His throat became raw and the smell surrounding them made him want to crawl into a hole but he couldn't move.

"Ni-san! Souichi, are you alright? What happened?" Tomoe said hastily as he moved to the side and felt his brother's forehead.

"…home. I wanna go home." Souichi croaked and Tomoe, though obviously disappointed, nodded firmly.

"Ok, we can go home." He assured him, sniffing at his brother's shirt and wrinkling his nose. "Wait, did you get drunk?"

Souichi leant backwards against the bathroom wall and narrowed his eyes at the ceiling, refusing to speak.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" He asked after a few moments had passed. Souichi's eyes remained upwards but he could feel them beginning to burn. Tomoe sighed heavily and stood, leaving him a soaked towel to wipe his mouth, and left through the door.

Souichi angrily rubbed at his aching eyes, his fist coming back a little damp. He was so tired of this feeling. Of feeling betrayed.

But at least the burn in his throat and his mouth was strong enough to finally reach his lips and he could pretend he didn't taste Tetsuhiro there.

* * *

The next year was blissfully busy and Souichi fell into university life as easily as breathing.

He chose to live at home for the first few years seeing as he really didn't have the money to throw around plus, his dad was somewhere near the Mediterranean and he didn't want to just dump his siblings on Matsuda.

Around January, Tomoe went back to the coast to finish up the training he had missed out on when they had left the previous summer quicker than expected. Though Kanako still lived in the house, she was gone most of the time and Souichi was left alone. Focusing on schoolwork was fine for a while, but the heavy silence of the house left him antsy and itching to go out. His lab partner, Kioshi, wasn't entirely irritating so they would hang out sometimes after class.

"You know what could fill that time, right?" Kioshi said one day after hearing Souichi complain about being bored one too many times.

Souichi shrugged and continued packing his things away, slinging his backpack over one shoulder. Kioshi shrugged and cast a smirk in his direction.

"A girl. Duh."

Souichi waved him off and walked home that night but the thought stuck in his mind. He was 18, a college student, it wasn't an unreasonable suggestion. He wondered if there was something wrong with him that it had never occurred to him before.

But _he_ wasn't gay, _he_ wasn't some homo so he followed Kioshi's idea and went and got himself a girlfriend.

Her name was Sanae. She already liked him, he asked her out, end of story. Romance of the century.

Except said romance lasted a month before she broke it off.

In hindsight he probably shouldn't have been so late to their dates and maybe he shouldn't have been doing other things while talking to her on the phone. He knew those weren't really the reasons though: she expected affection, hugs in greeting, and kisses.

Which Souichi may have avoided like the plague. It wasn't because he was a homo, he _wasn't_. He just didn't want Rikio's stupid dog breath washing over him every time Sanae leaned upwards, that's all. It just reminded him too much of the library and…and Tetsuhiro and he'd have to excuse himself quickly, leaving her suspicious and upset.

He hadn't really expected her to stick around and when it was all over, he agonized over the relationship. His friends thought he was heartbroken while he moped around over the next few weeks but it was really because he was sure something was wrong with him. The relationship had brought him _nothing_, he felt absolutely _nothing_. Shouldn't he want that? Companionship and whatnot?

Then it hit him.

Souichi was lonely, he could admit that, and had sought out a relationship because of it.

Maybe that's what Tetsuhiro wanted. Maybe he was mixing up their friendship with…with feelings and all he really wanted was someone to keep him company.

The thought made Souichi feel better anyway.

* * *

Tomoe came home mid March lighter and happier than Souichi had ever seen him before. Not only that, but their dad's assignment had finished up and he returned a few days later with gifts and stories in tow. Their surroundings gradually became louder and Souichi had almost forgotten what it was like to have their laughter fill the corners of the house. Though he grumbled that he'd been able to study far more efficiently, he wouldn't trade his family together at last for anything.

It was the night before an extremely important exam that Tomoe chose to put all studying thoughts out the window. Souichi had noticed he had been acting odd every since he'd returned, for though he had always been a calm, happy individual, he'd never gone around in such a distracted daze. It was getting pretty annoying. Especially with him loitering just inside the door frame of his room when he was _trying_ to study.

"Can I help you?" Souichi sighed, too exhausted to put any irritation into it. Tomoe rocked backwards and forwards on his heels and looked startled when Souichi spoke.

"I was just…I was just wondering if we had plans to go to the beach house this summer?" Tomoe asked slowly and, most likely upon seeing Souichi's raised eyebrows, continued, "That is…if you're up to it."

Souichi carded a hand through his long hair and furrowed his eyebrows. Something here didn't add up.

"Wait, why? I thought your marine expedition training was finished?"

Tomoe made the grave mistake of blushing and Souichi watched in alarm as he nervously shuffled his feet.

"It isn't…just for that." He said and even Souichi could tell he was dancing around the issue. "I want to see a friend."

Souichi's chest clenched painfully though he fought his hardest not to flinch, the response hitting a little too close to home. He twisted in his desk chair and stood, hoping to both use his height to tower over his younger brother and seem curious enough to get an actual explanation out of him. Tomoe raised his head to look him in the eye.

"A friend." Tomoe nodded, flushing a little more.

Souichi's mouth twitched. "A girl?"

Tomoe hesitated for a split second before shaking his head. "A boy."

"What aren't you telling me Tomoe?" Souichi grunted, a little rougher than he had intended. He wasn't one for this vague conversation and he could tell Tomoe was filled with anxiety, a sudden overwhelming protectiveness of his little brother washing over him.

Tomoe straightened his back, jutted out his chin, and breathed deeply in through his nose; Souichi only had a few moments to be impressed with his courage before he was too stunned to move.

"We're together. Kurokawa and I. Since the trip we're…we decided to be together."

Souichi could feel his heart thumping sorely in his chest, a loud rush in his ears, and his cheeks reddening with the anger that was threatening to break loose.

"No." He stated through clenched teeth, looking at the blue of Tomoe's shirt instead of at the gradual hurt coming over his face.

There were a few moments of silence in which he could barely manage to stifle his own heavy breathing and then Tomoe went to place a hand on his shoulder. It was safe to say he flipped out.

He grabbed at the bony wrist that stuck out in his direction, registering the shock and hurt that went through Tomoe's eyes, before shaking the arm in his grasp.

"What the fuck, Tomoe! You're not a fucking…you're not a homo!" Souichi yelled, allowing his anger to seep into his voice. Tomoe's eyes were wide and desperate and Souichi hated that he was so good at that. So good at hurting people.

But he couldn't think straight and all he saw was that bastards hands all over his little brother, Tomoe…he was so fucking naïve that absolute, filthy _bastard_.

"Who is this guy? Hmm? He's playing with your mind, Tomoe, can't you see that? It isn't natural! It's wrong and filthy and…"

Tomoe wrenched his fist away in a sudden burst of energy and Souichi only had time to see the angry red mark on his wrist before Tomoe yelled, "Stop!"

There weren't supposed to be tears in Tomoe's eyes, or shame, or hurt; as the big brother he wasn't meant to cause this sort of harm.

"I thought…I thought you'd understand." Tomoe said softly, a sob wracking through his body before he fled down the hall and slamming his bedroom door shut.

Souichi stood there, heaving for several moments before shutting his own door and sliding down it. He cradled his head in his hands.

Why did he always, _always_, fuck everything up?

* * *

To say the coming months were tense would be an understatement.

It was one thing to storm out on Tetsuhiro who couldn't follow, but it was an entirely different situation when the person he wanted to avoid was living in the same house. And though it may have started out as Souichi trying desperately to evade his brother's face, it became gradually clearer that Tomoe was actively avoiding _him_.

He timed the bathroom in the morning so he was finished before Souichi got up, he left earlier for school than he needed to, when he returned home he went straight to his room, and he sat gravely silent during dinner. Kanako and their father quickly caught on, concern flitting over their faces as Tomoe pushed around another dinner rather than eating.

Souichi came to the awful conclusion that Tomoe had confided in him and him alone.

* * *

No matter which way he thought about it, Tomoe was his brother. His _little_ brother and he loved him.

He'd be damned if he was going to lose another family member.

Tomoe looked stunned as he caught the jangling keys in his right hand a few weeks before school broke up for summer.

"You're driving." Souichi grumbled, satisfied with the soft smile his brother directed his way.

It didn't fix everything, but it was a start.

* * *

"Oi! Idiot! I need to check this boat out first." Souichi shouted at the two figures loading equipment into a fairly sized fishing boat. Tomoe looked around, still smiling, and waved him over. Kurokawa remained hunched over the edge of the rail looking frozen with fear.

Damn right he was frozen with fear.

Asshole.

He stomped towards them, looking incredulously at the vessel.

"That's not a fucking boat, it's a raft. And where are the extra lifejackets? Everyone knows lifejackets are meant to be orange, what the fuck is that hideous yellow piece of crap?" He exclaimed, gesturing to the pile of jackets still on the dock.

Kurokawa looked ready to throw up.

"Oh Souichi-kun, play nice! That boat was handpicked by yours truly and I'd never let me favorite employee and his _lover_ go in it if I didn't think it was safe." An infuriating voice drawled from behind them. Isogai was draped across the counter of his rental shack, smirking in their general direction.

Souichi saw red.

"Why you little-!"

Tomoe rested a hand on his shoulder and gripped tightly.

"Nii-san, if it makes you feel better, you can inspect the boat first." Tomoe's gentle voice did nothing to calm his brother's anger but Souichi snorted anyway.

"Hell yea I'm inspecting this hunk of junk." He spun around, causing Kurokawa to pale and flinch in surprise. "You got a problem with that?"

Kurokawa shook his head quickly and jumped out of the way as Souichi marched onto the deck.

_Fucking Isogai. Fucking, bastard Kurokawa. _

He didn't even know what he was looking for; knowing nothing about boats himself except that they were dangerous as hell and there was no way his little brother should go near them. But he couldn't back out now after the scene he'd just caused so he walked along one side of the boat, placing his hands on the outside to feel its sturdiness.

He moved along, fingers pressing here and there when his heart jumped in his throat as a hand shot up and grasped his own. It was something out of a horror film, except for the all too familiar green eyes that seemed to smirk at his surprise.

He didn't expect such a rush of emotions upon seeing Tetsuhiro again and it did nothing to quell his already thumping heart. But he ignored them for a moment as a thought occurred to him as he twisted around to see if he had attracted any attention.

"You _moron_. What if someone saw you?" He hissed, worry now added to the mix of emotions. How Tetsuhiro was still alive with how idiotic he could be was a complete mystery.

But he met those bright eyes warily and he was suddenly reminded as to why he had agreed to this trip in the first place.

"Meet me in an hour." Souichi said flatly and turned to head off the boat. He caught sight of Tomoe resting a reassuring hand on Kurokawa's back as he passed, grumbling that the boat was fine, and walked back where they'd come.

Isogai rested his chin on his hand, watching him go.

_Interesting_

* * *

He took his time following the overgrown path towards the shore, not exactly eager at the prospect of what he had to do. Though he had resolved long ago to resist the urge to storm off or leave Tetsuhiro with the idea that he hated him, he was afraid of what this conversation would entail. There was a chance, no matter how much he wished there wasn't, that Tetsuhiro would tell him things he didn't want to hear.

He rounded the sharp corner around a wall of rock and immediately spotted the deep blue color he now associated with his friend. Souichi made it only a few steps before being blinded by the happiness in Tetsuhiro's face as it turned to greet him.

It was a little hard to remember what he had rehearsed now.

But as he approached, eyes now resolutely on his feet, and made to sit down, Tetsuhiro went to place a hand on his shoulder.

_Gnawing at his lips_

_Nails digging into his arms_

_A hand slithering down his front _

Souichi flinched so hard he almost hit Tetsuhiro's face in the process, and yanked his body backwards into a standing position.

"Don't touch me!" He spat, squeezing his eyes shut momentarily to rid his mind of the memory. If he concentrated hard enough, the trailing hands left his skin and the blood drawn from his lips wasn't so metallic on his tongue.

"Souichi. What's-" Tetsuhiro started, looking confused and upset when Souichi pinned him with a glare. That was fucking unfair. Tetsuhiro didn't even know, _couldn't_ know, what that kiss had done to him. He'd probably gone through the past year happy and content; not having to question their relationship within an ounce of its life.

"You kissed me. While I was asleep. You…you _kissed_ me." He tried instead, mildly horrified that his voice cracked mid sentence.

He willed his friend to deny it. He wished with all he had that it was a mistake, a drunken one, anything.

But the look on Tetsuhiro's face said enough and he felt his shoulders slump. He looked so…guilty. He knew exactly what he'd done.

"I…yes I did. And I'm sorry."

That was it? That was his explanation? Souichi's fists clenched at his sides and he was sure he had never felt so betrayed in his life.

"Thought you'd get me drunk and then…then what…_molest_ me?" He said through a tightening jaw, watching Tetsuhiro's head whip up so quickly he couldn't avoid his stare.

"You brought that drink. I didn't know what it would do. It made me relaxed and brave and…it was wrong of me to kiss you while you were asleep and I am sorry Souichi. I am."

But he didn't seem like it, not really. There was no doubt his friend cared about _why_ Souichi was upset but he didn't look like he felt regret in what he had done.

_It made him brave?_ What in the hell did that mean?

Souichi's stomach dropped at the answer he had been hoping to avoid. Tetsuhiro had _wanted_ to do it.

Damn it all.

He accused him of being a homo, which he was, and maybe saying he was unnatural because of it was wrong. He didn't truly think that way anymore, not when his brother seemed perfectly content in his relationship.

But Souichi was angry and upset that everything was changing. This one thing, this stability, coming here every year to be with the one person who looked at him like he was important, was slowly transforming into something new and he was angry that he couldn't do anything to stop it.

"You're just like my father," Tetsuhiro accused, only adding fire to the fuel. He wasn't like Tetsuhiro's father, he _wasn't_. He didn't want to control Tetsuhiro or abuse him. He just wanted…he wanted…

He didn't know what he wanted.

It became clear, however, that Tetsuhiro was quite sure what he wanted.

"What do you mean _like_?" Souichi asked, firm but curious nonetheless. "I'm no homo." He added, though he wasn't entirely sure why he felt compelled to do so. He didn't need to defend himself…did he?

"I know that. I know you'll never accept my feelings. I'm happy just to remain friends." Tetsuhiro answered gently and sounding utterly honest about it.

Which Souichi regarded with disbelief.

"You won't try anything on me?" He asked and then Tetsuhiro smirked, replying he would if Souichi wanted him to and his heart began to slow as they became more relaxed.

But there was no way to delete this from his memory. Every time Tetsuhiro would look at him, he imagined he was wishing to…kiss him, to touch him. Because he _liked_ him. It was such a foreign concept.

At the same time, it made sense. Tetsuhiro had always looked at him differently than others did. The _thing_ he often saw in his eyes, he could now name.

He couldn't unsee the affection.

If Tetsuhiro really did like Souichi in the way he described, didn't that…hurt? Souichi's relationship may be a bad example, but he could only imagine what it would be like to actually want to be with someone who just…didn't? Couldn't? Any which way he thought about it brought a blush to his face. He wasn't a homo, he _wasn't_. Damn it.

Did Tetsuhiro have someone else then, to fill the void Souichi always seemed to leave behind? The thought twisted his chest. He wasn't jealous or anything like that, he just didn't want his friend to get hurt, that's all. If he was with someone he didn't even like just to forget Souichi, it would probably end badly.

His relationship with Sanae, he realized with a wince, was far too similar.

* * *

As far as their summer was going, Souichi found it surprisingly easy to trust the merman again. He trusted that when he dozed off in the cove Tetsuhiro would stay clear of touching him. He trusted that the hands on his shoulders or the tap to the elbow wasn't going to be an attempt to throw himself at Souichi.

So when he resolved to finally reenter the ocean, he trusted Tetsuhiro would keep him upright.

"I won't let anything happen to you Souichi," Tetsuhiro reassured him as he bobbed gently in the water before him. A hand welcomed him to join.

Souichi breathed in shakily, the prospect of actually swimming startlingly real now and no less frightening. But he placed his hand into Tetsuhiro's in a rush of determination, noting how warm the grip was.

Tetsuhiro looked so damn eager to help him and slowly lowered their joined hands to the water. But it was too much, screaming pounded through his mind, his mother's blonde hair swirling around her as the waves crashed over and no one could hear her cries. He squeezed the hand in his for reasons even he couldn't understand and shook his head.

He managed to convince himself, just for a moment, that the disappointment in Tetsuhiro's face didn't hurt.

* * *

Since Tomoe was so busy with what he _made sure_ was just marine, ocean, learning crap, and not bastard quality time crap, Souichi had to do super lame stuff. Like buy food. And…clean and whatnot.

Buying food turned out to be the worst, though. On his first trip, he'd thought making a list was too girly and ended up forgetting half of what they needed. The corner store where he bought all these things was small and he was stopped, without fail, by someone three times his age who _couldn't believe how much he'd grown_. Plus, the woman at the checkout counter had a hunch back and smelled of garlic and she always, _always_ got too close while helping pack away groceries.

Armed with a list Tomoe had written out for him, an outfit he'd only worn once, and his hair down to look inconspicuous, he entered the store. Mrs. Ono rounded the corner the same moment he did, and he flinched expectantly; but she didn't so much as glance at him as he hid behind his curtain of hair and he smirked in his victory. He managed to get most of the items within the first few sections and moved onto the frozen aisle.

"Fuck yeah I want my money back. You call this bread? It's got fucking mold growing on it!" A voice yelled from the front of the store. Souichi lifted the breaded fish out of the freezer and turned toward the noise, frowning. Why did he know that voice?

Despite his brain telling him not to get involved, he inched closer to see what was going on. Hunchback mumbled something to the customer, a tall man with bulking muscles and chestnut hair with his back turned.

"Expiration date?! I don't give a shit about when it expires! All I know is that I want a refund!" The man threw the loaf on the counter's surface, causing the bread to crumple in the bag. Hunchback flinched and ducked her head, looking a little worried. Souichi sighed. This wasn't right, no matter how much she smelled like garlic.

He placed his basket of food on the ground and made to move forward when the man spun around yelling, "I want the manager!" and their eyes connected.

Souichi's stomach dropped and his upper arms suddenly ached.

Rikio's lip curled upwards and he huffed out a snort as he no doubt recognized him, hair down and all. "Well, well, well. If it isn't _books_."

He didn't wait for his muscles to stop going numb or his breath to return, he kicked his basket out the way and ran for the door.

* * *

Rikio's unwelcome appearance put Souichi on edge and made him slightly paranoid. He was convinced that Rikio was watching the house or following him to the town's library. Worst of all, he was afraid he was too easy to spot on his way to the shore. It angered him to no end that he was reduced to this, sneaking around and checking over his shoulder everywhere he went. It was fucking unfair.

And what the _fuck_ was he doing here anyway? As far as he knew, Rikio had never set foot in this little seaside town so unless he had some weird fixation with the ocean or a family friend that lived here, there was no reason for him to be here. It was weird to think of Rikio having normal things like a family or a love of the ocean when he was such a monster in Souichi's head.

He hated that he had to drive two towns over to grocery shop. He felt like a coward.

But that didn't stop him from going to the cove. And maybe he dressed in a hoodie to hide his hair and maybe he jogged there instead of walking but it was just what he had to do. He couldn't risk Rikio discovering Tetsuhiro.

* * *

Souichi had taken to introducing Tetsuhiro to things he just kind of assumed everyone already knew like the alphabet, basic math, and the days of the week.

Which was the weirdest of them all, to be honest.

"We don't really plan ahead for occasions. If we need to meet tomorrow we merely say, tomorrow. Or in two days time." Tetsuhiro replied to his disbelief in his usual cheery voice. Souichi rolled his eyes, resisting a smile as Tetsuhiro set down the card for Tuesday in the correct order. He wasn't proud or anything.

Then Tetsuhiro had to prove he was just as slow as Souichi always teased him about. Because apparently his birthday had passed, and it passed every year that they met and he had never thought to tell him. Idiot.

He didn't even want a present which was like, the _only_ reason to turn a year older.

"Really Souichi, there's nothing. I'm just happy here with you." Tetsuhiro said softly.

Truth be told, sometimes Souichi actually did forget about the whole _liking him_ thing; it just hadn't changed anything between them, that's all. But it was at times like this that he realized Tetsuhiro was serious and it wasn't just a phase or something like that. He flushed of course because it's what he did best and resisted the sudden urge to ask when Tetsuhiro was sure. Sure that he knew he could look at Souichi in a different way. But that would be weird. He didn't want to know.

"You could…" Tetsuhiro started and when Souichi looked up at him expectantly, green eyes widening like he hadn't meant to say anything at all. And because Souichi couldn't stand not knowing things, he just had to push him.

"I want a kiss."

He really should have expected it, in Tetsuhiro's posture, in his eyes, but even if he had he'd of never thought Tetsuhiro would have the guts to ask outright.

The response was on the tip of his tongue, to refuse because he certainly didn't want to…to do this. He knew he didn't want Tetsuhiro to be on par with Rikio in his mind's eye because that's surely what would happen if he went through with it. But he searched Tetsuhiro's face either way, looking for a sign that he this wasn't what he really wanted, that this present wasn't that important.

Tetsuhiro was too expressive, too open, and far too honest. He actually wanted this.

"Please Souichi. Just…just one." He begged at last, and Souichi couldn't help feeling a little trapped. He'd suggested this _present_ concept and Tetsuhiro was only following through with he…wanted. Souichi would've blushed to the tips of his ears if he wasn't so panicked.

"I'm not a homo." He said because that statement seemed to always serve him comfort. But this time, it really didn't. Tetsuhiro's face fell, the tiny hope in his eyes dulled and he looked suddenly older with disappointment.

Maybe it was because he was so impulsive lately or that he realized this wasn't about him, that it was just something nice for someone else. Maybe he felt sorry for the fact that Tetsuhiro liked _him_, a broken and worthless man.

"Fine do it. But quickly." Was what he went with, blurting it out so quickly he was sure Tetsuhiro would ask him to repeat it. But of course, he heard him quite correctly and the transformation of his face made Souichi lean backwards in surprise.

Souichi did blush this time and he worked his throat nervously. Tetsuhiro looked positively _hungry_.

This was real. Tetsuhiro actually wanted him. Jesus.

This wasn't that big of a deal. He'd…peck him on the mouth and that would be that, he'd be satisfied. Tetsuhiro wouldn't go further, he wouldn't do that after all this.

So when Tetsuhiro did move, edging closer, Souichi actually took comfort at how nervous he looked. His upper arms shook a little where they supported his upper body and he was looking between Souichi's eyes almost shyly. He gave an anxious smile as he let a few fingers trace the back of Souichi's hand, the space barrier between them falling apart.

Tetsuhiro watched their hands, trailing slowly up his arm. Souichi dreaded the panic that he expected as little by little they inched up, reaching his bicep and clinging gently. But it never came. The nails didn't dig, the handprint was warm, and the air around them was cool and refreshing. It was almost…comforting.

He tore his gaze away from the pale arm that held his and his eyes widened as Tetsuhiro surged forward so they were inches apart. To his credit, he didn't fall backwards as his instincts told him to. He stayed as still as he could, now determined to see this through to the end.

Hot breath practically engulfed his lips, sending a variety of foreign sensations down his spine. It wasn't intense or that powerful, but it was scary as hell. This wasn't what was meant to happen.

Souichi's eyes dropped to Tetsuhiro's mouth and back up to his eyes, willing him to just get it over with. He didn't like this feeling of not being in control of his own body.

When it looked like Tetsuhiro would just drag this out, taking his time to observe every nook and cranny of Souichi's face, squeezing his arm a little every so often, Souichi spoke.

"Hurry up already."

Tetsuhiro complied quite happily, pressing their mouths together.

Though he scrunched up his nose at the unfamiliarity of another person so close to his face, it was warm, and soft, and hardly terrifying. Tetsuhiro had his bottom lip trapped between his own and when he hummed in contentment, the rumble sent tingles running lazily into Souichi's mouth, his tongue.

Tetsuhiro's eyes shut of their own accord and Souichi watched his eyelids with interest.

'No…NO! That's enough, a kiss shouldn't be doing this to him…not this way…it's too…too much,' he thought desperately.

But his brain's loud protests faded to barely whispers and soon he could only concentrate on the pressure on his mouth. When it was gone as Tetsuhiro obviously pulled away, he had a brief moment of disorientation, the world very dark indeed.

He blinked his eyes open, a little appalled at his own body, and breathed in unsteadily. Tetsuhiro regarded him peculiarly and he only had a few moments to register what exactly that was before his mouth descended again.

_What was he doing? _

'Stop!' Souichi tried to mumble against Tetsuhiro's mouth, moving his hands up to his chest to push him away. But Tetsuhiro's answering groan surprised him more so than anything he'd done thus far. The noise was just so…_desperate_. Like he _needed_ this. How had he become this important to someone without him noticing?

He'd blame biology or the fact that he hadn't been close to someone like this before and his body was just confused. So maybe it wasn't that unpleasant, and maybe Tetsuhiro working his mouth against his was like erasing the memory of Rikio ever being there. Besides, it was moist and warm and alive and he was a little curious.

Souichi pursed his lips just a little and before he could feel guilt or horror at the action, Tetsuhiro broke apart just slightly and actually fucking _whimpered_.

Souichi gasped before he could help himself, the combined noise and the fingers that were suddenly tugging on his scalp a weirdly pleasant combination.

It almost felt natural for their lips to meet again, the angle a bit better where Tetsuhiro had tilted his head. He moved again, his body doing most of the work now, and Tetsuhiro pressed into him harder still. Souichi was vaguely aware of the muscles underneath his fingertips where his hands still rested on Tetsuhiro's chest; they moved languidly and he could swear they trembled as they were pressed closer together.

With a brief bite to his bottom lip and a bloom of heat in his chest, it was over, the chill of the sea air filling the space between them.

Souichi had the strongest urge to reach up and touch his lips, they still tingled and he wondered whether that was cause for concern. But Tetsuhiro was watching him, cataloguing his every move with that damn nervousness again.

"That was two. Idiot." Souichi managed to grumble and succeeded in relieving some of the tension that had settled around them. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as Tetsuhiro began to laugh a little hysterically, but let him have his moment. He looked happier, brighter…satisfied with his gift.

Souichi made a show of wiping the back of his hand across his mouth, contorting his face into something resembling dislike.

But it wasn't for that.

He just didn't want to continue feeling Tetsuhiro there when he wasn't.

* * *

Souichi checked his phone for what felt like the fiftieth time in the last twenty minutes, scowling in the side mirror. Tomoe and Kurokawa hugged again as he looked on, sending even more annoyance coursing through him.

They were supposed to have left like half an hour ago. They'd be back next summer. _God_.

He was about ready to leap out and break them apart when Isogai's stupid face popped up in the window.

"Souichi-kun! I have something to tell you. Open the window."

Souichi crossed his arms and sunk down in his seat as much as the seatbelt would allow. The incessant tapping on the glass after a few minutes, though, was enough to make him sit up roughly and roll down the window.

"What?!" He yelled in frustration, Isogai smiling down at him. When he reached inside and pet the steering wheel, Souichi slapped his hand. He was so fucking weird.

"I was going to tell you over the phone but since those two are going to need more time to say goodbye I figured I'd tell you now." He gave a long-suffering sigh and glanced at the pair before laying an uncharacteristically serious gaze on Souichi.

"Well? What is it?" He asked.

"Friend of yours stopped by. Said he knew you from school and wanted to catch up. Rikio something. You know him?" Isogai said slowly, regarding Souichi with what he recognized as concern.

Souichi clenched his fists and stared straight ahead. He nodded firmly once.

"Didn't look like the kind of guy you'd usually hang out with. Seemed sorta…pushy to be honest."

Souichi let out an affirming grunt. "That's him."

There were a few moments of silence in which Isogai shuffled his legs, leaning on the car.

"I told him you left already."

Souichi's head shot up in surprise, though Isogai wasn't looking at him anymore.

"Thanks." He mumbled. If Rikio had been searching for him, it couldn't be good. Especially here in this little town where finding a police officer was rather difficult.

"No problem." Isogai seemed to hesitate, drawing an uneven breath. "Listen, Souichi-"

"Sorry Nii-san, I just didn't want to…" Tomoe began, taking his place in the passenger seat. He spotted Isogai through the window and waved gratefully. "Thanks for everything Isogai-san."

Isogai smiled back, clapping his hands to the car a few times before waving as well. "See you next summer!"

"That was nice of Isogai-san to keep you company." Tomoe remarked as they approached the last intersection before leaving town.

Souichi flexed his fingers on the wheel.

"Yea."

* * *

He hated this, he so hated this. This was what his hell would look like.

"Nii-san! I want to go into this store next!"

Souichi cringed and sighed heavily, careful that it wasn't so loud that Kanako could hear. She could be scary sometimes, especially when it came to holiday shopping.

He shifted the bags he carried from one hand to the other, using his free one to open the glass door as Kanako bustled in. Snowflakes hung from silver strings, all the clothes were themed and red, and cheery music assaulted their ears.

Definitely hell.

But Kanako was only on break for a few more days and he had promised her he'd take her shopping for gifts. To be honest, he thought she meant gifts for family and hoped it would be quick. Kanako had too many friends because this was taking forever. Plus, he had some shopping of his own to do.

He watched her disappear around a sparkly display of perfume before wondering off to the men's section. It was also unnecessarily tinged with red but didn't manage to give him a headache.

Ties.

Socks.

50% off denim.

Useless.

None of this would do.

He picked up random objects, observing them with frustration and replacing them quickly. He couldn't shop to save his life, _especially_ for gifts. And this gift was a bit…strange.

Had to be water-proof, long-lasting, and small. His shoulders dropped in defeat; this was going to be impossible.

Souichi trudged back over to where he had last seen Kanako, watching her wave and indicate to the changing rooms that she was trying a mountain of clothes on.

He nodded back, doing well to hide his boredom, and wandered aimlessly up and down the aisles.

"Shopping for your girlfriend?" A voice asked just behind him and he whirled around in surprise. His throat squeezed up a little as Sanae appeared, mentally slapping himself for forgetting she worked here. She didn't look angry or annoyed though as she gently smiled at him.

"I uhh…no, I'm not. Just here with my sister." Souichi managed to get out, this entire situation making him want to leave even more so.

Sanae nodded slowly, looking at him curiously. "Really? No girlfriend?" He shook his head, distinctly uncomfortable.

"It's just…" She started before hesitating and waving off what she was about to say.

"Just, what?" He asked.

"You have that look. I call it the, '_I suck at shopping but I want to get you a good gift anyway'_, look. I see it on a lot of guys this time of year." Sanae said, chuckling a little to herself. Souichi scowled and looked away, his face heating up a little.

"I don't look like that," He grumbled which only increased her amusement.

She seemed to take pity on him and placed a hand on his upper arm. It took a lot not to flinch.

"It's alright, Souichi. I don't mind. Our relationship was never…" She began, a flash of sadness crossing her face, but went back to smiling again soon after . "I have a boyfriend now anyway and he's great. There's no reason to be embarrassed that you like someone."

If Souichi wasn't blushing before he certainly was now. He wasn't fucking infatuated, he was getting a gift for a friend, that was it.

"But I don't-" He started, annoyed, but was soon interrupted.

"Nii-san! Ready to go?" Kanako demanded a little ways down the aisle. She eyed Sanae with interest before beckoning him to come quickly. Oh _now_ she wanted to hurry up.

But Souichi was grateful for the interruption and yelled back, "Yes! Coming, calm down."

Sanae didn't looked deterred and even as he cast an apologetic glance in her direction, she continued speaking. "In my experience, if it comes from you then that's the best gift of all. Don't over think it. Happy Holidays!"

Souichi kept walking but her words were imprinted in his mind. Don't over think it? He over thought _everything_, damn it.

Kanako raised an eyebrow as he practically barreled into her with his haste to leave. "Who was that you were talking to? She was very pretty." She asked as he wheeled her out of the store.

"Schoolmate." He said flatly. Thankfully, she didn't say anything further on the subject though he could see in her face she wanted to ask more.

"Did you get that present for your friend?" She asked while they finally reached the car and packed away the bags.

Souichi hesitated, shutting the car door. "No I…thought of something better."

* * *

Ok, so maybe Sanae's idea wasn't that bad. Tetsuhiro didn't seem very materialistic and it _was_ his 18th birthday which seemed to be the only one that mattered. It should be something he actually wanted and not something expensive or flashy.

Souichi got the idea for the present when he was looking through some old photo albums on his first computer.

It was perfect, embarrassing, but perfect. Besides, Tetsuhiro probably needed cheering up with what…what was coming. Being married and whatnot. Having kids.

Souichi frowned and shut the computer down. Suddenly, looking at old pictures wasn't so much fun anymore.

* * *

The "gift" safely in his back pocket, he strode down to the shore early in the afternoon the day they arrived. They drove up a few days earlier than normal; Kurokawa had some boat naming thing that Tomoe just _had_ to be there for before he too went off to University.

Souichi toed the familiar ridge and hopped down into the cove, unsurprised to see it was empty. Which, unfortunately it remained for the rest of that day. And the day after that. And the day after that.

The day of Tetsuhiro's birthday he began to grow a little worried. This had been the longest period where the merman hadn't deigned to show up with no sign whatsoever.

But he stayed anyway, falling asleep at random intervals and eating the snacks he'd brought. He managed to get through a book and two summer reading assignments before Tetsuhiro finally showed. He lay on his stomach so the sun could get to his pale back, hand immersed in the ocean when a splash made him raise his head.

"Thought you wouldn't show," He mumbled, breathing a sigh of relief he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Idiot, making him worried.

But there was something wrong. He'd seen Tetsuhiro upset before but this, this was so much worse. He looked defeated as he approached and dropped down beside him.

Souichi didn't push him, sitting up so they were side by side. The "gift" crinkled in his pocket.

"I can't see you anymore," Tetsuhiro said, sounding as though the words had to be forced out.

Souichi lowered his eyes to their laps. He knew it was coming but…

"Because you're getting married." It wasn't necessary to say but he did anyway. He thought, if he did, it would make it more real and he'd just have to get over it. But get over what? It wasn't his life that was being cut short because of some stupid tradition and asshole parents.

_Because you can't see your best friend anymore_

Tetsuhiro went on to a rather lengthy explanation as to why it was impossible to see him and be with his…_wife_ at the same time. He was right of course; it wasn't fair to their future spawn and to her. Souichi would just be a nuisance, a stain on their relationship.

It wasn't fucking fair. He was here first.

A glint of light flashed before his eyes and he leaned over the edge of the rock just a bit more to take a look. His eyes widened a little. Among the lighter blue and ridges of aquamarine of Tetsuhiro's fins, was a metallic golden that seemed to spread upwards and make a path of its own. It reflected the sun's rays as well as catching the ripples of water and Souichi stared on unabashed.

"Was that…your tail…was that always there?" Souichi stumbled out, pointing downwards. Tetsuhiro looked confused for a moment but seemed to understand as he waved his fin slowly from side to side. They watched for a moment as the color seemed to settle on its placement and the changing ceased. Souichi could admit it was pretty, beautiful even. It brought pink to his cheeks.

"It means I've entered my eighteenth year."

His brief good mood vanished and his shoulders slumped.

"Happy Birthday," Souichi said because really, what else was he supposed to say?

* * *

The day passed quietly, so quietly that it didn't really feel a send off of any kind. The sky wasn't spectacular as the sun set slowly, there was almost too much wind, and the waves were choppier than usual.

But he liked that they seemed to be on the same wavelength. Neither of them spoke and neither seemed to need to fill the silence.

They were lying on their backs, watching the few stars they could see where the cloud cover didn't reach. Tetsuhiro liked to reach up and trace patterns when he thought Souichi wasn't watching. Sometimes, Souichi would join him and try to copy his shapes.

The clouds increased. Looked like there would be a storm soon.

"Souichi," Tetsuhiro said, the first word spoken between them in many hours. Souichi didn't want to look, he knew it was ending and the pit of his stomach felt cold.

He turned his head to the side, holding his gaze. Tetsuhiro flicked his eyes all over his face and neck and Souichi let him, knowing he was probably just memorizing his features. Souichi had done that long ago.

Tetsuhiro inched forward so their foreheads touched. Souichi realized he was possibly the only person he'd allow to do this.

"Thank you," He said. Souichi tracked the tear that slid down the others cheek and dripped to the rock below.

He shut his eyes in response, watching Tetsuhiro proving to be too much all at once.

"You too," He said instead and he hoped Tetsuhiro understood.

It was a few minutes more, his eyes dutifully shut, before the warmth on his forehead disappeared. He blinked; Tetsuhiro had slipped back into the water.

He sat up clumsily, biting his lip hard and tasting the blood that pooled there. He wondered if he'd be back here again; it seemed too incomplete to be a goodbye.

Souichi huffed out a shaky breath and made to move, but his hand came in contact with something hard. He lifted it in confusion, his eyebrows furrowing as he studied it.

It looked like a scale. Blue, a thin stripe of gold appearing at a certain angle, smooth and rough all at once. It wasn't from a fish, that's for sure.

Souichi smoothed a finger over it whilst he stood and with one last glance at the dark water, he slipped it into his pocket and headed back as the sky opened up.

* * *

It was more than a few drops of rain, the wind making it difficult to see. But the figure looming behind a birch tree, obscured by its leaves, hardly cared. His target passed by easily, unaware of his presence. He caught sight of the blonde hair that still haunted his thoughts.

Gathering his hood closer to the sides of his face, he watched eagerly as his target entered the house he'd been painstakingly searching for.

He smirked.

_Found you, books._

* * *

_**Author's Notes:**__ Did I say August? I meant September…*sweats nervously. No I'm seriously sorry guys, I know I'm really late posting this sucker but starting a new school took a LOT out of me and my time. Hope you liked it anyway! _

_Before I continue I want to send out a plea to the person who requested this in the first place. Girlie, I haven't heard from you in a while and am DESPERATE to know what you think, so come talk to me hon! _

_The next chapter is a biggie, I may or may not split it into two parts. Your comments are absolutely glorious and they play a HUGE part in how inspired I am to continue writing this thing so thank you so SO much to everyone that did._

* * *

_**MUSE SECTION**_

_**B.A.D-Class:**__ I'm back! But you didn't tell me what you thought! Come back!_

_**TaDa andwhatnot:**__ Ahh only almost? Just kidding, thanks so much!_

_**Moons-and-Musik:**__ Already replied to you sweet pea, but thanks again for the comment. Just remember, I LOVE the manga so this story will stay as true as possible to it, take from that what you will. _

_**Nickesha:**__ Days? Agh I'm sorry it's so long, I like words. Hmm, interesting idea…_

_**Halfdemonfan:**__ OMG I MISSED YOU! Haha I did get to you first, my bad. I was like desperate to have your feedback on it and you totally didn't disappoint, I smiled all the way through of course. Oooooh I love all your theories, it makes my simple little plot quiver though :P But I adore it, DON'T STOP! Ok with the whole mermaid sex thing, honey I'm not touching that issue with a stick haha, when I began writing this I was so afraid I'd have to like explain it in depth but I found a way not to…it's coming up, don't worry. Hope you enjoyed this chapter as well, it's a little wordy and I'm afraid it's sorta too similar? Ya know, the same scenes and stuff but from a different perspective. I just REALLY wanted to develop Souichi's character as well, the next one will be a bit more action packed. Anyway, so happy to see your review, you've been reinstated as numero uno muse _

_**Bunny-chan2022:**__ Hello! Love your username btw, adorbs. Aww thanks so much! Haha yea, his sister's aren't the nicest of creatures and you're right to hold no sympathy for them. Not the end, don't worry!_

_**Swt Cutie:**__ I've gotta say, when someone says that the characters aren't OOC it is possibly the greatest compliment EVER! Thanks so much! Loving things with an unhealthy amount is awesome, only way to do things _

_**Frozen sunlight:**__ I loooove parallels haha, if you can tell. It's pretty long, I know, it's a mouthful but thank you so much for taking the time to read it through. Thanks darlin'! _

_**Mist77:**__ I know it's horrifically long and this chapter is no better, sorry! I did originally try to make them into more cohesive chapter's buuuuuuut it didn't feel right, I wanted to get both their backgrounds out of the way before the coming chapters which is where all the action is. Thanks for the review! _

_**KamenRiderKoori:**__ No, YOU'RE beautiful, thanks for the comment!_

* * *

_Next chapter should be out…sometime…in the future. I know, I'm horrible, but I don't want to set a date and then have people be disappointed because of my inability to meet deadlines. As always, comment away! If you don't want a response to your review to be in my __**MUSE SECTION**__ just let me know, I don't want anyone being scared to let me know what you think. I will ALWAYS reply, my PM is open! _

_Javajunkie xxx_


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